STORIES OF FRUSTRATION

Introduction

     In the previous two chapters, I have described the successful implementation of tutoring projects by two of the August 1997 Tutoring and Mentoring seminar trainees. Both Arnold and Nydia were able to establish tutoring sites relatively soon after the training because many of the necessary components under the vision and resources categories of my matrix (based on Ambrose, 1987) were already in place. The other trainees came to the seminar with much interest and enthusiasm, but it would appear that they were not as equipped to implement immediately as were Arnold and Nydia.
     I contacted most of the other trainees by telephone at least twice (see the data collection chart in chapter three), inviting them to talk about their thoughts, accomplishments, and frustrations associated with the establishment of a tutoring project in their home locations. I used no interview schedule, rather, I encouraged them to tell me their stories while prompting them in several areas:

1. What have you done? What were your original intentions?
2. How equipped did you feel both before and after the Tutoring and Mentoring seminar to train children and adults in this tutoring project?
3. What else, if anything, could the project coordinators have done to assist or enable you in establishing a site?

     I took notes as I conversed with the participants (Data File, pp. 279-313). I began to watch for commonalities, or themes, that emerged among the "types" of respondents, and I created a loose matrix to assist me in processing the information (Data File, pp. 314-321). This helped me to paint a composite picture of the various groupings of respondents and the elements that were common within each group.
     Then the question arose of how best to represent these elements, how to most effectively capture the "feel" of the experiences these trainees were having. Verma (1991) suggests that the phenomenon has its own "say so" in how it is represented:

The choice of forms cannot be arbitrary; it is inherent in the nature of the experience itself. It is not that the writer first has a certain experience and then embodies it in a particular art form, rather it is the experience which chooses its own form to make its presence felt. (p. 6)

     The above statement illustrates a central theme in postmodern thought: a challenge "to the claims to a singular, correct style for doing and presenting research" (Richardson, 1990, p. 11). Another theme is suggested in Denzin's (1994) assertion that "in the social sciences there is only interpretation. Nothing speaks for itself" (p. 500). So it is left up to me, the writer, after the "experience . . . chooses its own form" to use that form to best interpret the stories of these trainees.
     The form that the experience "chose," after no small amount of resistance on my part, was that of the collective story. The collective story is a tool of narrative writing where the common experiences of a number of individuals are compiled into one piece of fictional writing, fictional, but based in the true accounts of those being studied. The collective, or composite, story "describe[s] findings that apply to a group of people rather than to any one unique individual" (Ely & Anzul, 1991, p. 173). Rinehart (1998) classifies this kind of qualitative reporting as "fictional ethnography" which he defines as a type of ethnographic writing that

combines the realist goals of academic ethnography and fiction but with an eye to both instruction and feeling. In fictional ethnography, writers may attempt to relate the chaos of the world to the reader. . . . In fictional ethnography, most authors attempt to replicate the sense of the experience. If something did not necessarily happen the way it was reported, recollection made it feel as if it did. . . . The feel of the experience–verisimilitude–is what the writer is after. (p. 204)

     My resistance in using this tool of narrative research was partly due to the fact that this kind of interpretive writing was new to me. I did find some comfort in Denzin's (1994) encouragement that "interpretation is an art; it is not formulaic or mechanical. It can be learned, like any form of storytelling, only through doing" (p. 502).
     In judging the validity of these stories, a key question to ask , according to Denison (1996), is:

Do they contain "truthlike statements that produce for the readers the feeling that they have experienced, or could experience, the events being described?" (Denzin, 1989, p. 83). If so, then these stories should be working to bring a previously hidden or submerged reality to light. So conceived, the text then establishes its own verisimilitude and tells the truth. (p. 358)

     Thus I became convinced that the best way to represent the full experiences of those who struggled in establishing tutoring programs was to write narrative accounts that highlighted the most common themes inherent in their difficulties. What follows are two collective stories that represent two different "types" of people who attended the Tutoring and Mentoring training in August 1997: Connie, the conscientious church member, and Edward, the busy educator. These names and any proper names related to them are pseudonyms, but are based on the stories of real people who attended the training.

The Stories

Connie, the Conscientious Church Member

Introduction
     Connie came on her own to the August training seminar with the full blessings and sponsorship of her home church, Thurston Park SDA on the near-east side of Chicago. She heard about the initiative after attending a Conference-level community service seminar where Pastor Rojas spoke about volunteerism, America Reads, and the Adventist Tutoring and Mentoring project. Connie put her name on a list indicating her desire to know more, and a few weeks later she received a mailing with registration information (Data File, pp. 1, 4-6). Since she is active in the community service efforts of her church, and since she has had a burden for helping the children in the local neighborhood, Connie decided to attend.
     Connie is a retired nurse who is busy with many other church programs and activities. She sings in the choir and works in the food pantry several days a week. Her husband died 5 years ago. She decided to ward off loneliness by becoming involved.
     Connie has kept a journal for many years. Her style of writing is episodic rather than chronological, with each entry focusing on a particular theme or event that is current in her life. Connie likes to title her entries for easier reference later on. Several of her journal entries related to the Tutoring and Mentoring initiative are below.

Entries From Connie's Journal

August 31, 1997 – Home Again
     I'm thrilled to be back in my own bed after almost a week away from home! The Tutoring and Mentoring Seminar was very exciting, but also very draining. It was so kind of my old college friend, Melissa, to invite me to stay with her during the week, but I did not know she lived almost one and a half hours from the North American Division Headquarters! What I saved in expenses, I lost in sleep. Even so, it was good to see Melissa again, if only for short times in the mornings and evenings.
     My head is spinning from what I learned at the seminar. Many of the topics shared by John Gavin, Sandra Brown, and the others earlier in the week were somewhat familiar to me since I have some background in community service organizations and how they function. Their presentations were easy to digest and well-covered in the manual and other handouts given to us.
     The SMILIES presentations by Shirley and Mark during the last two days of the training were excellent but overwhelming! I have never worked one-on-one with a child in a formal program like this before. I must admit, I was a little uncomfortable when Shirley asked us to work in groups to define what a tutor is and does. First of all, I've never thought about that question before, and second, even though we had been together for the previous few days, I hadn't really spoken much with the others who were there at the seminar. But we did seem to warm up to each other, and Shirley had a way of making us all feel more comfortable.
     The live tutoring demonstrations by Mark and his son, Philip, were very helpful. These presentations did enable me to put a more "human" face on what is involved in working with a small child. I just wish we would have had some time to role-play with each other to get a feel for tutoring in this way before leaving. I wanted to ask Shirley if we could do that, but it was obvious that she had a lot of information to share with us before the time was up. The SMILIES tape and the manual will be helpful in the weeks to come as I review what we covered.
     Shirley strongly recommended that we find a child to tutor for practice before we do anything else. I immediately thought of Justine, my niece's daughter, who struggled in her first-grade classroom this past year. Julie, my niece, has been concerned about Justine since her teacher talked with Julie about the possibility of holding Justine back in first grade. I'll ask Julie about working with Justine when we get together this next weekend. I just don't know how much time I can commit to tutoring with all of my other responsibilities at church.
     I discovered that there are three other people from the Chicago area who attended the training. Monica is a public school teacher who has organized a one-night-a-week homework tutoring session in her church. Edward is also a teacher who works in a Seventh-day Adventist day school about ten blocks from here! And Ella attends the same church as Edward. She is a woman who, like me, earnestly wants to help the children in her neighborhood. We had dinner together Thursday evening of the seminar and decided to meet and talk at the end of September about how we might work on establishing a project. I don't know why we didn't find out about each other before coming. I guess it just shows how our churches need to communicate more regularly to stay informed about our local events and projects.

September 28, 1997 – Organizing a Project
     This morning Monica, Edward, Ella, and I met at the church where Edward and Ella attend, Baker Street SDA, to discuss trying to establish a tutoring project. We have formed a committee that we have called the Baker Street Literacy Group. We are looking toward implementation after the beginning of the new year. Edward and Ella believe that the pastor of their church may be willing to allow us to use their facility two evenings a week for tutoring. There seems to be a good deal of enthusiasm in our little group. Monica, who has her own homework tutoring program, has some definite ideas about how to spread the word, how to organize the schedule, and how to arrange for snacks and transportation. Edward, who is very comfortable with the SMILIES teaching approach, seems to have a grip on the actual academic end of things. Ella and I didn't say much during the meeting, but we are both very willing to do whatever is necessary to make this thing work.
     Pastor Dorsett at the Baker Street church recommended that we go to Dr. Morrow, the head of ACS at the Conference level, to inform him of what we are trying to do and to get his official approval and support. I volunteered to contact his office and set up a time for all of us to meet with him some time in October. Pastor Dorsett would like for there to be a good bit of communication between us and all the churches in the area, thinking that we might eventually be able to help them establish programs in their communities as well. I'm concerned that we not try to tell others how to do this until we are up and running successfully ourselves. We do seem to be building some momentum, but I wonder who is going to actually head this thing up once we get started.
     I have been working with Justine now for two weeks. At first she didn't seem interested, but when I showed her how she could read the simple "little books" that we were given at the seminar, she just lit up! And she really enjoys making letters with her body, and writing stories together. We illustrate them using pictures cut out from some of her old children's magazines that had been set aside for recycling. She is reading level 2 books fairly easily. Her mom says she just can't keep her away from the little books, and they play with the magnetic letters I bought for her all the time. The transformation that I see in Justine's attitude has given me more reason to be encouraged. I understand why Shirley and Mark suggested that we find a child to tutor. I've thought about going to the day care center in our apartment complex to see if I could volunteer to work with one or two children while we are in the process of setting up our own program.

October 19, 1997 – Meeting With Dr. Morrow
     This morning the Baker Street Literacy Group met with Dr. Morrow, the ACS director for the Conference. He was very congenial and supportive of our efforts, but I'm very surprised that he did not know more about the Adventist Tutoring and Mentoring initiative. We explained more about the program to him, and we told him about our desire to set up a program at the Baker Street church. Like Pastor Dorsett, he would also like us to spread the word about the program to other churches, and he'd like us to consider offering training sessions at strategic places around the Chicago area, but he wants us to get established first. We assured him that we weren't eager to train others until we felt confident in what we were doing ourselves.
     Edward did much of the talking this morning, and Monica offered some specific information about tutoring projects based in her own experience. To my surprise, Ella spoke up quite a bit as well. Evidently she is part of a federation of churches, and she shared about the program at a federation meeting the other day. She told Dr. Morrow that there seemed to be a lot of interest among many of the representatives in what she had to say. Like always, I just sat there most of the time nodding my head. But I did tell Dr. Morrow about my work with Justine and how well that is going. I told him that it's hard to maintain a consistent schedule, but even with the hit-or-miss tutoring I've been doing, Justine is making some progress and loves the multiple pathways approach that is a part of the program. Dr. Morrow asked me to explain more about multiple pathways, which I did. He seemed very interested. We made tentative plans to meet again with Dr. Morrow some time in mid-November.
     After our session with Dr. Morrow, the Literacy Group decided to meet in two weeks for a planning session. At that time, we will lay out some more specific assignments and responsibilities.

November 9, 1998 – Organizing, or Not?
     The Literacy Group met today after a one-week delay due to schedule conflicts. Edward didn't realize when we planned the last meeting that he had a school function on the 2nd of November that he needed to attend. And I was invited to a wedding on the same day. When we met today, Monica couldn't be here because of a prior commitment. She insisted that we go ahead so as not to lose the momentum we seemed to be building.
     The three of us took stock of where we were. We realized that if we were to get anything going we needed to spread the word to the other churches in the area, get some volunteers, and make plans to start training. I think reality is hitting hard. Both Edward and Monica have full-time jobs with many responsibilities in the evenings. Ella is willing to do whatever but, like me, she does not have a background in education. Increasingly people are looking to me to head up the major organizational and training efforts in this project, but I certainly do not feel like I am the person for the job. Yes, I have been trained (as if two days makes me qualified), and I have been tutoring a child on and off using these methods. But I am not ready for this responsibility!
     Pastor Dorsett stopped in to offer us the use of two rooms at the church which he showed to us. I didn't pay as close attention as I should. My mind was spinning as I was thinking about how much of a mistake my getting involved in this whole thing was turning out to be.

November 10, 1998 – Refocusing
     It is amazing how much a good night's sleep changes one's attitude. I have been thinking and praying about the Literacy project all morning, and I told the Lord that I would do whatever He wanted me to do if He would lead the way. Not long after that the phone rang–it was the director of the child care center in our apartment complex. A mother had asked her where she might find a tutor for her 6-year-old son who has been having trouble in reading at school. The director remembered that I had offered my help and wondered if I wanted to work with the boy. I told her that I would work with him on Tuesday evenings after school for one hour.
     I'm excited but still apprehensive. I have seen notable progress in Justine's case, even though I work with her only a few times a month. I think this is an opportunity for me to gain more confidence in the tutoring end of things. Maybe I could train others in this if I had more experience. And even if I am unsure, we do have the tape that we can use to provide some demonstrations of the techniques to trainees.
     I called Dr. Morrow's office to set up our second appointment with him. I was told that he would not be able to meet with us until after the first of the year! Oh well, we still have a lot to do in our own situation before we talk with him about going out to other churches.
     One other development today–I mentioned the tutoring project to some ladies at the food pantry. Two of them want to know more about times and places for training sessions when we get them scheduled. Thank you Lord!

December 16, 1998 – Logistical Difficulties
     I have been on the phone all evening trying to organize another meeting of the Literacy Group. Everyone seems so busy with so many other things! I'm worried that we simply may not have the time and personnel to pull this project off. We will not be able to meet until January 18th. I asked Edward if he has talked to any potential volunteers about the project. He said that he hadn't. Monica has been talking to a few people and she says there is some interest. Ella, who reported earlier that several women in her federation group wanted to know more, now says she's getting a lot of questions about the whole educational mission of the initiative. There seems to be a mind-set that the traditional focus in community service circles has been around supplying food and clothing to needy people, or disaster relief during crisis events. Many of her cohorts are saying that the responsibility for offering tutoring services should be placed in the laps of the educators of the church. Tutoring children is a different sort of focus with which they are uncomfortable.
     I had my third tutoring session with Brian, the little boy at the child care center. He is responding well, but his progress is not as rapid or as marked as Justine's. It's obvious that, to make a difference, I may have to spend more time with him–something that I've got less of these days. Maybe I can stretch my commitment to twice a week.

January 18, 1998 – Organizing for Training
     In anticipation of our Literacy Group meeting today, I tried Friday morning to set another appointment with Dr. Morrow. His secretary and I discussed many dates and we finally settled on February 13. I reported this to the group. Edward said that he couldn't be there, as did Monica. They both have Valentine's Day parties that they need to facilitate at school. Ella said she'd be glad to go with me, but once again the responsibility seems to be shifting my way. OK, Lord! What's going on?
     We are aiming to start training volunteers in mid-March. At this point, there are five people who have expressed an interest in being trained. Edward seemed willing to take on organization of the training sessions, but I am not comfortable that things were fully settled before we broke up. He just asked that I be prepared to demonstrate some of the SMILIES techniques that I've been using with my children. Monica is going to work on organizing schedules and sign-up sheets, and Ella is going to order the materials from the sources in the back of the SMILIES manual. Pastor Dorsett offered us $250 to get started from a benevolence fund he's been saving for the right occasion.
     I also talked with the group about the teleconference that Sandra Brown had scheduled for January 29th (Data File, p. 16). They asked that I call and represent our Literacy Group in the teleconference. No one else seemed interested in taking part. I will report back to them when we meet again on February 8th.

February 4, 1998 – More Frustrations
     I just heard from Monica that Ella was involved in a car accident. She is going to be OK but she will be bedridden for some time. This will effectively remove her from our Literacy Group efforts until summer. I will need to send her a card.
     Edward asked that we change the date for our next meeting until the week before training is to start in March. He still believes that we will be able to organize enough to offer some quality sessions to our volunteers. So we are going to meet on March 15th and start training on March 22nd. We have agreed to call all of our volunteer recruits to let them know.
     Dr. Morrow's office called yesterday and canceled our meeting scheduled for the 13th of February. He had to leave the country on some Conference business and his return date is up in the air. What is happening!!?
     If it weren't for the success that I've been having with Justine, I'd be totally frustrated. Justine's teacher is thrilled with how well she has been doing in school, and the teacher told her mother to tell me that I am a miracle worker! The teacher wants to take a look at the curriculum sometime. Brian has been doing a little better since we've been working together more often. I meet with him on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons from 4:00 until 4:45 or 5:00. He is reading level 2 books now–not bad considering that he couldn't even write his name when we first started! But I am concerned that he's not making the kind of progress that Justine has made. I really do need more training if I am going to make a significant impact with children like him. It seems like I am falling into a rut, just doing the same few things over and over again with both Justine and Brian.
     Brian's mother keeps offering to pay me, but I know she really can't afford it. She works for a hotel chain as a maid and is raising Brian and his little sister on her own. She has offered to clean my entire apartment sometime since I won't accept any money from her. I'll probably take her up on that one!

March 15, 1998 – A Short but Productive Meeting
     The remaining Literacy Group members, Edward, Monica, and I, met to go over our training agenda for next week. Ella was able to order the manuals, books, and magnetic letters we need in spite of her accident. After sorting the training materials, we talked about the training schedule, which Edward does seem to have in hand. He said that he would open the meeting with a devotional thought, and that he would give a brief introduction to the SMILIES curriculum. After that, I will talk about the Seven Pathways and show the introductory parts of the tape. Then Edward will talk about expectations for tutors and goals for the project. To close the first session, Monica will lead us as we try to settle on a tutoring schedule that might work for all of us. This first meeting will serve as a basic introduction. We will get into details on each pathway, making lesson plans, and how to determine reading levels in the following weeks.
Our planning session lasted for only an hour because Edward had an emergency meeting with some parents about an incident at his school. Monica and I talked for a few minutes. I told her that I was feeling apprehensive about everything, but I want to press through because I know that tutoring works. I believe we are doing the right thing. She agreed, and said that her tutoring session is the high point of each week for her. I know what she is talking about!

March 23, 1998 – Our First Session, and Possibly Our Last!
     I got so frustrated with Edward. He came to our training session yesterday morning ten minutes late, his "devotional thought" was a brief prayer, and then he handed the whole meeting over to me. I was shocked and I just froze from embarrassment! I reminded him that he was supposed to introduce the SMILIES curriculum, and he just said, "You go ahead. You know what you are doing." I fumbled around for a bit and finally managed to talk about the America Reads Challenge by the President, the Adventist initiative, and the SMILIES manual. Then I turned on the tape and excused myself to the bathroom where I had a good cry for a few minutes. When I came back, Monica was talking about schedules. Nothing was getting settled at all. Every evening that was suggested for tutoring was a problem for someone. After working fruitlessly on that for 20 minutes, the meeting was adjourned until next Sunday and we left. I didn't say a word to anyone!
     Edward did call yesterday evening to apologize, explaining that he had been so busy with school-related responsibilities that he just didn't have time to prepare. He knew that he put me on the spot, but he thought I could handle it. Edward admitted that he simply didn't have enough time to devote to the tutoring project and he might have to back out.
     I understand how busy he must be at school. I forgave him, and said that I don't think I have what it takes to lead this effort. I'm frustrated with trying to recruit and organize volunteers, with trying to meet with people at the Conference level, and with my own abilities to really tutor a child well, let alone trying to train someone else how to do it.
     Edward called me again today during his lunch break. He just got off the phone with Monica, who is also feeling a time crunch. But she is willing to try again. Edward suggested that we call off any more training efforts for now, finish the school year, and meet again over the summer to reorganize. I told him OK, but he or someone else would need to be in charge.
     I still believe in the tutoring project, but I need more training. I don't have the confidence to lead an effort like this. The people with the skills like Edward and Monica do not have the time to devote in getting it organized. We need someone who has the knowledge and the time to really do the job right!

Edward, the Busy Educator

Introduction
     Edward (the same Edward as in Connie's journal) teaches Grades 5 and 6 at an Adventist school near the Baker Street SDA church. He is also an elder in his church whose main responsibilities center around the Sabbath School program. He has been married for 2 years, and his wife is pregnant with their first child. Edward maintains a very busy schedule, struggling to maintain his multiple roles as husband, teacher, elder, and soon-to-be-father without seriously neglecting any of them.
     Edward heard about the Tutoring and Mentoring initiative through his position at the church. The YOUthNEWS newsletters (Data File, pp. 8-9) cross his desk regularly, and the information about the August session caught his eye. Edward understands the need for tutoring. Many of his students could have used extra help long ago, but now they are extremely behind in their schoolwork because their reading skills are so inadequate. He bypassed the opportunity to attend a paid inservice session at his own school in order to find out more about establishing a tutoring project.
     His original plan was to start his own project. After the August training session he felt equipped and ready. But when Edward met Monica, Ella, and Connie at the training session and discovered they were from the same area of Chicago, he felt it would be inappropriate to ignore them and the NAD organizers by going out on his own. Besides, he was very busy and including them would help distribute the responsibility. Thus, the Baker Street Literacy Group was formed.
     The Literacy Group had a difficult implementation experience during the school year following the first training session in August 1997 (Connie's perspective is described in her journal above). After deciding to postpone any further efforts until the summer of 1998, Edward believed it would be appropriate to write Dr. Morrow, the Conference ACS director, to explain their frustrations. After all, Dr. Morrow had given his approval and blessing for their initial establishment of a program, and he wanted to be kept apprised of their progress. The text of Edward's letter to Dr. Morrow is below.

Edward's Letter to Dr. Morrow

March 27, 1998

Dear Dr. Morrow,
     I trust that this letter finds you well and prospering in the Lord. You had asked that I update you on the progress of the Baker Street Literacy Group in establishing a tutoring project in our area of Chicago. We did get to the point of actually holding a training session for five volunteers on March 22, 1998, but this did not go well. We have decided to postpone any further efforts in organizing the project until some time this summer at the earliest. Please allow me to explain, but first I want to appeal to the Star Trek fan in you!
     You may recall that, when we met last fall, you and I discovered our mutual fondness for the series Star Trek: The Next Generation. I'd like for you to picture the infrequent occasions where a member of Captain Piccard's crew makes a request, during a one-on-one conference, for "permission to speak freely, sir?" This is what I am asking of you. I would like to share my heart with you about our project and the Tutoring and Mentoring initiative in general without feeling a need to hold back in fear of offending someone. I trust your judgment completely, knowing that you will share my opinions in an appropriate manner with the appropriate people.
     I had desired to start a project on my own, but felt this would be inappropriate given all the advance work done by the North American Division. It did feel good to become a part of the larger effort, and when I discovered that there were several of us from the same area of Chicago in attendance at the training, it made sense to join forces with them. In retrospect, I was in the dark as to the amount of work organizing a project like this would demand! I must admit that our project fell through primarily because I, the person most capable of leading our group and providing training to our volunteers, could not invest the necessary amount of time and energy in order to make it successful.
     As an educator, I found the SMILIES curriculum to be logical, precise, and academically sound. I felt that I could implement it easily. But I did not sense the same self-assurance with the others in our group. Even though they had gone through the training, evidently they did not feel prepared. Connie had taken the ambitious step of actually tutoring two children in order to gain some degree of confidence. She frequently asked for advice which I tried to give. It appears that she has made a real difference in the lives of these two children, but she still lacks this assurance. You may be aware that another woman in our group, Ella, was involved in a rather serious car accident from which she is recovering. She has expressed a desire to join with us again in the summer. Ella frequently spoke of her need for more training and her concern that she was not prepared to train anyone how to be a tutor.
     Monica is a full-time teacher like me who has a tutoring program of her own. She meets with her students one night a week for homework help. I think she has the tutoring know-how, but her time is as limited as mine. Time seems to be a huge concern for most of us, especially when it comes to the nuts and bolts of scheduling.
In addition to concerns about skills and time, we were also having great difficulty finding a substantial number of willing volunteers. Younger adults, and especially parents, struggle with committing a regular block of time for tutoring because of their busy schedules. So often both parents work, or single parents need to work more than one job just to make ends meet. So, trying to settle on even one night each week that we could hold tutoring sessions proved to be an insurmountable problem.
     The elderly people in our church who are active in community service work do not see tutoring as the "typical" ACS activity. Many of them feel that we educators should take on this responsibility. I do agree that those of us who work in the schools are better prepared to tutor students. But we are already pouring out our lives day in and out to help these children. We have been calling for more help for a long time! This is why I believe in the Tutoring and Mentoring initiative. I'm very pleased that the Seventh-day Adventist church has taken the lead nationally among church denominations in this effort. I'd like to make a few specific recommendations "from the trenches" so to speak:
     1. We need help from beyond the local level to recruit volunteers. The initiative needs more publicity throughout the church so that the potential volunteers who may not even know about the opportunity will know where to go to offer their help. We, as a church, have an incredible capability to dispense information like this. Let's use it!
     2. Related to the above, communication needs to be fostered between all the various entities in our Conference (I suspect this is true in the other Conferences as well). We should have discovered before we got to the training at the Division Headquarters last August that there were four of us from Chicago in attendance! And with all due respect, you were not that aware of the effort or of our desire to participate in it. The churches in urban locations, with support from the Conference level, should work together in establishing projects.
     3. I understand that the project coordinators are recruiting regional coordinators and supporting them with AmeriCorp/Vista grant money. This seems like a good plan to me! We could use a coordinator in this area! These people could be adequately trained, and they would have the time to give toward organizing local projects.
     4. This final concern is more directed toward the North American Division ADRA/YouthNet project coordinators. If local people are to be utilized in establishing and maintain tutoring projects, they need far more training than we recieved last August. This training must include actual practice in the SMILIES methodology, preferably with "real" children. I've heard that Dr. Shirley Freed, the primary author of the SMILIES tutoring manual, is offering just this type of extended course at Andrews University this summer. In addition to a more thorough initial training, follow-up support and training must be offered at regular intervals. The Division should make more of an effort to stay in touch with trainees.
     Dr. Morrow, I realize that my recommendations are very weighty and would require a massive amount of organization on the part of the church. But I believe, with the crisis in education we face in this country, that our commitment to this type of work ought to go well beyond the scope of the America Reads initiative. Establishing a well-organized network of tutoring sites around the country would be a highly visible and effective way to spread the love of Jesus Christ to a needy world, one which our denomination is uniquely qualified to offer.
     Thank you, Dr. Morrow, for taking the time to read my letter. I am feeling badly that our project got off to such a rocky start, but it is possible that our experiences could work to help others avoid the same pitfalls. And, thank you, Sir, for the opportunity to "speak freely!"
     Respectfully,
     Edward

Summary

     I chose the above forms of narrative representation, Connie's journal and Edward's letter to Dr. Morrow, because they were very personal in nature. As I talked with the participants on the telephone, many of them expressed strong feelings–feelings of frustration, remorse, irritation, and sometimes gladness. Simply reporting these in list form or discussing them systematically would not have captured the lived experience that was and is so important to relate.
     "The study of narrative . . . is the study of the ways humans experience the world" (Connelly & Clandinin, 1990, p. 2). After writing these fictional accounts, I returned to my notes taken while interviewing the participants. As I read them through again, I was satisfied that I had, indeed, captured not only the major "themes" they related to me, but the affective "feel" of their experiences as well.