I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if I go astray; it's


                THE 1999 SONIC THE HEDGEHOG BEST-WORST LIST


The usual suspects:

Sonic the Hedgehog #69-80
Knuckles #22-32
Sonic Specials #8-11


BEST SINGLE ISSUE STORY: "Eve of Destruction" (SSS9)

There were strong contenders for this category.  Ken Penders'
"Childhood's End" (K25) fell short of the mark because for all
the emotional strength of the story, most of it was an extended
flashback provided by Locke.  "My Secret Guardian" (SSS9) by Mike
Gallagher had a very strong premise but missed the mark because
the dialogue given to the principles (Knuckles and Sally as
children) was arch and overwritten.  Ken Penders's "Upgrade"
(SSS11) came the closest of the runners-up but was hampered by an
ending that focused on Bunnie's bionics at the expense of the
REAL subjects of the story: her heart and soul.   But none of
these problems burdened the ultimate winner: Mike Gallagher's
"Eve of Destruction."

Everything about this story worked.  The dialogue strained
credibility on occasion but not to the breaking point, the
situation (the birth of Tails) was a powerful hook for the
readers, and the key sequence of Amadeus's "rejection" of the cub
was appropriately gut-wrenching.  But mostly Gallagher has been
bold enough to tackle a story that had gone ignored for too long
by the other creatives: just how Sonic and Tails became the best
buds they are.  It was high time that the story got told, and
Gallagher's treatment didn't disappoint.  


WORST SINGLE ISSUE STORY: "Zone Wars: Prelude" (SSS8)

Dan Slott's revisionist account suffered from the same flaw that
has beset past stories such as "Bedtime Tails" (S33) and "The
Last Game Cartridge Hero" (Sonic Live Special): a great idea for
a premise that failed to go anywhere.  In this case the hook was
neither a Freedom-Fighters-In-Spandex crossover plot nor a Sonic-
In-The-Real-World plot.  Instead, we were a promised a Sonic-
meets-Sailor-Moon crossover and Dan Slott broke that promise
after only three pages.  What we got instead was a flat-out
contradiction of the continuity up until that point for no real
dramatic reason.  The Sailor Moon angle (though nicely
illustrated by James Fry in his first Sonic outing) was reduced
to a way of getting the readers' attention.  It was the old bait-
and-switch, and if the end product were anything more substantial
than a comic book I'd file a complaint with the Better Business
Bureau.

This is not to say Dan Slott is a bad writer.  He pretty much
covered the same philosophical territory in  Meanwhile... 
(Dexter s Laboratory #4 [DC]).  In fact, portions of
 Meanwhile...  reminded me of the classic Chuck Jones cartoon,
 Duck Amuck.   But even putting aside Dan Slott s tendency to
preach the gospel of determinism in season and out of season, the
same kind of head games and toonish sensibilities that worked in
 Dexter s Laboratory  were just plain wrong in the Sonic the
Hedgehog universe.  Let Dan Slott do what he likes; just don t do
it on Mobius.


BEST STORY ARC: First Date (K26-28)

With the demise of the Knuckles series, this field will likely
suffer for lack of entries in the future.  But for the moment,
given the choices available this year, the top spot goes to
"First Date."  Bracketed by two single issue stories which were
themselves bookended by standard-brand action stories (the Dark
Alliance and King of the Hill arcs), this arc focused -- to the
extent that Archie Comics would allow -- on the relationship
between Knuckles and Julie-Su.

Not that I didn't have troubles with the arc itself.  I STILL
maintain that Julie-Su's gunplay at the beginning of the arc was
all wrong, as was the spectacle of Vector on the make.  But
Julie-Su's keeping company with Raynor was revealing, as was
Julie-Su's reaction to it.  Most revealing of all was the
fleshing out of the relationship between Lara-Le and Wynmacher;
they came off as two people who care about each other, which is
something I NEVER saw when Locke and Lara-Le were in the same
panel.  Ken as much as apologized to the readers for delivering a
non-action story arc.  Believe me, Ken has nothing to apologize
for.


WORST STORY ARC: "Some Enchantra Evening" (Sabrina #28 and SSS10)

This might not qualify because the first installment ran in a
non-Sonic comic, but it IS a multiple-issue story arc
nevertheless, and one that the Sonic fan couldn't avoid.  There
was no love lost between myself and the Dark Alliance arc (K22-
24) and it almost got the nod, but what tipped this one in was
the fact that the author is the same Mike Gallagher who did such
a splendid job with "Eve of Destruction."  Simply because he
demonstrated that he knows better, the award goes to Archie
Comic's own "Blur/Witch Project."

It was hate at first sight when I read this one, for I had no
idea how abysmally moronic the Sabrina comic was until I'd read
it.  The plot went nowhere except right back where it started
from.  Sonic literally ran around until he knocked himself out,
Sally wandered in unannounced and unexplained, and Nicole looked
like a 8-track player.  Unlike the companion story in SSS10,
"Zone Wars: A Tale of Two Hedgehogs" (another crossover story,
this one featuring the characters from the "Sonic Underground"
animated series), there seemed to be no real reason to go through
with this crossover and none of the characters seemed to care
that they were confronting beings from a different reality.  The
whole story was best summed up in the scene where Salem tries to
stop a rampaging Sonic by spreading around the contents of a bag
of cat litter.  Believe me, if any of our cats had gotten a whiff
of this story they'd have tried to bury it in the cat box
themselves!

BEST COVER ART: Sonic #72 (Spaz/Harvo/Ray)

There were a number of "feel good" covers in 1999 which I liked
for the sheer enjoyment they conveyed in a series that can get
dreadfully serious at times: S69's claustrophobic but convivial
"Juice Joint Jeopardy" cover, the autumnal "Homecoming" cover
with Sonic, Sally and Dulcy flying by some wood sprites (both
Spaz/Harvo/Ray), and even the Galan/Penders/Moore/Heroic Age
cover for Knuckles 29's "My Special Friend" (though I STILL think
that Galan drew too much of a bustline on the 5-year-old Sally). 
But top honors go to the cover for S72.

Once again, I like the simplicity of the composition and its
execution: a worms's-eye-view shot of Sonic standing in front of
a video wall featuring Robotnik's ugly mug.  And as with the
cover for S52, Spaziante is able to make powerful use of the
diagonal in the composition.  Very well done.


WORST COVER ART: Special #8 (Spaz/Harvo/Ribiero)

While dishonorable mention goes to the team of Spaz/Harvo/Ray for
the cover of S78 for a number of faults (the crowded background,
the lack of appreciable depth, the fact that the final design was
cluttered up with the "New Beginning" logo as well as a useless
Y2K logo), the winner/loser in this category has to be the cover
for Special #8.

Visually, the composition is a mess!  The images seem to have
been piled on top of each other at random.  The most prominent
character in the composition, Amy Rose as Chibi-Moon, is stuck in
the lower right corner.  It took me a while to isolate the
character of Zonic who seemed at first to be part of the
Negaverse Robotnik character.  The whole composition, like the
figure of Sonic in the center, slides to a screeching halt.


BEST STORY ART: Tie: "Upgrade," James Fry (SSS11); "The Shot
Heard Round The World," Art Mawhinney (S72)

Too close to call.  James Fry debuted as an artist in the Sonic
comics this year, and though his Sailor Moon/Sally artwork was
dead solid perfect, he surpassed himself with his artwork for
"Upgrade."  Fry isn't hesitant about displaying the influence of
Japanese comics (manga) on his work, but one of the features of
manga that often escapes the attention of American readers is the
way that the art can be emotionally evocative.  This is
especially true of the art for girls' comics, as opposed to the
action-oriented boys' comics (the Japanese refer to the styles as
"wet" and "dry," respectively).  "Upgrade" was NOT an occasion
for dry art, and Fry delivered marvelous, engaging drawings that
made the story seem fuller than its mere six pages.  The reader
was in a position of feeling for Bunnie and her dilemma, and the
relationship between Bunnie and Antoine finally received
something like the attention and depth it deserved.  Simply
marvelous.

This was the Year of the Revolving Door for the comics, as
several new artists debuted while some veteran artists left off
drawing for Sonic to pursue other interests and callings.  And
Sonic veteran Art Mawhinney left a powerful memorial in his
artwork for "Shot Heard Round The World."  It wasn't an easy
task: depict the accidental shooting of Prince Emerson by an
Overland youth.  The results, given the restraints under which
the scene was depicted, were still a shock.  Mawhinney helped
define the look of the characters and of the comic (only fitting
for someone who worked as a storyboard artist for the SatAM
series), and this story is a fitting tribute to one of the
founding fathers of the Mobius we've come to know so well.


WORST STORY ART: "Ghost-Busted," Jay Oliveras (SSS8)

No contest.  None whatsoever.  Archie Comics should be ashamed of
themselves for ever letting Jay Oliveras's artwork see the light
of day.  To say that it sucks would be to praise it with faint
damns; it is downright horrible!  The modeling is indifferent at
best, the proportions are awkward in spots, and I still maintain
that the second panel on page 2 undercuts the very IDEA of
perspective. Eight pages of blank panels for the readers to fill
in themselves would have been far preferable.


BEST NEW CHARACTER: [Space For Rent]

The sad truth is that of the characters that were introduced
within the last year or so, NONE of them has really broken out of
the pack and displayed anything resembling a personality.  I had
high hopes that Prince Elias would come into his own, and in a
few respects he's tried: pulling rank on Geoffrey in "Saving Nate
Morgan" (S70), and expressing his lack of interest in the throne
in "The Truth Is Out There" (S73).  Since then, however, his
writers have managed to keep his personality firmly in check.  As
a result there is no "Best New Character" for 1999.  Maybe next
year; I still have high hopes for Big the Cat.  However, that
doesn't mean that there isn't a...


WORST NEW CHARACTER: Nate Morgan

Technically, he s not a NEW character, having been introduced in
S64's  In Search Of.   But after that he became a cast regular
and I settled down to see if he would make his mark in the book.

I m waaaaaaaiting!

Nate Morgan has, in his first full year in the comic, become a
disappointment.  Not only did we fail to learn anything new about
him that we didn t learn from the introductory story arc, he
never really did anything that he could call his own.  He spent
the last year as a walking plot device, filling in gaps in the
story, making necessary  discoveries  (such as stumbling across
the all-too-obvious shuttlecraft in  Don t Call It A Comeback 
(S74)), and occasionally making a bad situation worse (the
business with the number of fingers on Mobian hyoomons in  If
Wishes Were Acorns,  S80).  Which is all well and good except we
NEVER needed Nate Morgan to do ANY of that stuff.  Every blessed
thing he did or said during the past year could just as easily
have been done or said by Rotor and/or Nicole.  In a word, Nate
Morgan was useless to the comic.  I am more convinced than ever
that he was thrown into the mix simply to give people in the
industry the impression that this really really REALLY is NOT a
furry book!  Archie should either play him or trade him, and
preferably trade him for a walrus named Rotor.


BEST DIALOGUE:

ZONIC: "You're SONIC PRIME, the one true Sonic of all the
dimensions.  It's your destiny to become the most pivotal hero of
all time and space."
SONIC: "Yeah?  Well if that's so, why didn't I get the GIRL?!!"
From: "Zone Wars: Prelude" by Dan Slott (SSS8)


WORST DIALOGUE:

JEREMIAH: "Sir Charles has been a regular at the library for
years!"
UNCLE CHUCK: "Best storehouse on Mobius that I'm aware of,
[Tails].  I do all my research gathering here...This isn't a
place for young'uns!"
From: "The Big Bad One" by Ken Penders (S73)


BEST IDEA: Girl Power!

After years of declaring that Sonic the Hedgehog is a boys'
comic, the Archie management finally realized that a percentage
of their readership is Y-chromosome-deficient.  So a number of
stories appeared that were, on the surface, female-friendly:
"Zone Wars: Prelude" (SSS8), "My Secret Guardian" (SSS9), "Some
Enchantra Evening" (SSS10), all of SSS11, the First Date arc
(K26-28), and "My Special Friend (K29).  Unfortunately, old
habits are hard to break and both the readers and the female
characters were ill-served by some of the stories.  I'll say no
more about "Some Enchantra Evening."  And the results of Special
#11 are apalling: Sally goes on a confusing vision quest in the
pool of goo, Lupe is effectively written out of the series (for
the time being), and Julie-Su is reduced to the role Knuckles
played in "Childhood's End" (K25): that of passive audience
during someone else's monologue.  The only sign of hope is the
larger role the female Mobians are playing in the general story
line: the scene between Mina and Rosie in "Changes" (S78), and
the continuing cliffhanger concerning Queen Alicia are prime
examples.  Let's keep our fingers crossed.


WORST IDEA: Crossover Chaos

Hand in hand with their marketing to female readers, however,
Archie Comics appears to want to market the comic to...well,
that's where confusion sets in.  "Zone Wars: Prelude" SEEMED like
it wanted to be a way to market the comic to a wider (read:
"female") audience, but the effect was destroyed when Dan Slott
revealed his true purpose: the introduction of Zonic to lecture
Sonic and the readers about Fate.  "Some Enchantra Evening"
seemed to want to achieve the same end, but the final product was
so ridiculous it made illiteracy look like a good idea.  Then
there was the Comic Shop News serialization, "Turnabout Heroes"
(to appear in SSS12). I have to wonder whether printing a serial
in a publication that doesn't go to every comic store (and
certainly not to the one nearest me) netted the book any new
readers at all when the dust settled.  I can't fault management
for wanting to broaden the book's readership, but I had a hard
time discerning a coherent marketing strategy.  Maybe the game
adaptation will do better, I don't know.  Or management could
look at the Runner-Up Worst Idea -- the cancellation of the
Knuckles comic -- and follow the advice of the Fox Network
executive who was recently quoted as saying: "I'd rather fail
with quality than succeed with junk."


AND A SPECIAL "ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL BUT MANAGEMENT IS MORE EQUAL
THAN YOU'LL EVER BE" AWARD GOES TO: Archie Comics.

Seems that the owners and publishers of "Sabrina the Teenage
Witch" got all bent out of shape last year when the actress who
plays Sabrina on TV, Melissa Joan Hart, realized that at age 23
she couldn't keep passing herself off as a teenager forever.  So
she did some photo shoots that appeared in various men's
magazines such as "Bikini."  While Melissa Hart's portfolio was
nowhere near as racy as Vanessa Williams's celebrated Penthouse
spread (OK, maybe that wasn't the best word to describe it), and
while the magazines were only too eager to play up the Sabrina
connection, the higher-ups at Archie Comic Publications went
ballistic.  "Everyone should be portrayed as virgins [in Archie
Comics]," fumed one exec. "No nudity, no drinking, no sex.  We
promise parents that our characters wear their seat belts," as
well as their chastity belts.

What makes all this so interesting is that none of this happened
ON THE SHOW, where the rule seems to be: "No nudity, no drinking,
no sex, no signs of intelligent life."  And I don't even care
whether Ms. Hart's career move was a particularly good idea or
not.  What interests me is that Archie Comics thinks it can lay
down the law not only about a character that appears in one of
their comics, but about the career of THE REAL-LIFE HUMAN who
PLAYS a character that appears in one of their comics!

And what REALLY makes this whole sorry situation exceed the daily
recommended allowance of irony is the fact that Archie Comics
isn't the only player.  For over six years now they've had to bow
and scrape and genuflect and kiss the power ring of ANOTHER
corporation which has been just as heavy-handed about the
portrayal of ITS property, so much so that they've caused entire
story lines in the comic to disappear on a corporate whim and
gutted any meaningful portrayal of the character.  Who in the
world would do such a thing?  Who could it be?  Could it
be...SEGA?

It isn't enough for Archie Comics to call the shots about its own
character: it feels it has to ape the same kind of corporate
jackboot mentality that gave Sega a videogame market share you
could count on the fingers of one hand.  And that's not likely to
radically change any time soon despite the glowing reviews for
the Dreamcast in the computer/video game trade publications. 
Archie has come to feel that it can ground a 23-year-old teenager
who isn't even under contract to them and isn't obligated to give
anyone in Fortress Mamaroneck the time of day.  But here it is,
Y2K, and Archie Comics continues to both take it and dish it out,
while Sega pockets its cut, and the rest of us like the befuddled
residents of George Orwell's "Animal Farm" are having a genuinely
hard time telling the difference between the people and the pigs.