Sonic the Hedgehog #132 [Mar 2004]
     Spaz/Ribeiro/Jensen cover: This isn't a cover, it's an
eyesore.  Literally!  Those garish yellows and oranges make my
eyes hurt.  At first I thought that was Sally in an
uncharacteristic pose at the far right until someone pointed out
the fox tail and declared that this was Fiona.  Yeah, well look
well, Fiona fans, because you know what she brings to the table
in this issue?  Nothing.  Bubkes.  Zippidy-doo-dah.  The egg of
the goose.  And what tipped it in for me?  The return of the
uvula shot.  The year is young, but it didn't take long for
Archie to produce a front-runner for Worst Cover Art.

     Axer/Higgins frontispiece: Good artwork, confusing
composition, and why does Amy Rose look like she's morphing into
a vampire?

     Home, Part 3: "A.D.A.M and Evil"
     Story: Karl Bollers; Art: Dave Manak; Ink: Michael Higgins;
Color: Jason Jensen; Lettering: Michael Higgins; Editor/Art
Director: Justin Gabrie; Assistant Editor: Mike Pellerito;
Managing Editor: Victor Gorelick; Editor-in-Chief: Richard
Goldwater.
     As Sonic and Tails divebomb Robotnik, Eggman wonder aloud
and at considerable length how they got here so quickly; I had to
wonder why Sonic couldn't have punched Eggman's lights out in
mid-sentence.  M, who apparently has engaged the services of
Data's drama coach, gives it as a "ninety-five percent
probability" that a power ring has something to do with it.  She
doesn't state what the other 5% is, but I'd call it bad writing. 
Sonic is likewise long-winded as he lands on Robotnik and
basically starts beating him up in a very inelegant brawl.
     Just as inelegant is the prose we have to endure on page
[3].  We learn, in gooey, indigestible lumps of exposition, about
A.D.A.M., which is short for "Autonomous Digital Assault
Microbe," a sentient computer virus.  This begs the question, "If
it's so sentient, why didn't it surf the net and get itself a
better offer from Bill Gates?" Instead, it got the job of
operating system, controlling Eggman's war machines as well as
his mainframe.  And since Tails' Tornado appears to be
computerized and he tried hacking into Robotnik's system,
A.D.A.M. now has a new toy to play with.
     Cut to Knuckles and Julie-Su talking amongst themselves on
the eve of battle.  There are a number of very painful pages in
this story, and this is one of them.  The dialogue is a terrible
disappointment after S130's "Blue Blur Returns."  Two issues ago
Karl's writing seemed natural and unforced; here, Knuckles is
uncharacteristically clownish, as if the scene was written for
Sonic and Sally and was recast at the last minute; he and Julie-
Su don't seem to be connecting.  
     It gets worse, though, for on the next page we see Amy Rose
wielding that pico-pico hammer thing from the video games.  Which
isn't a bad thing in itself except that it's been hauled into the
comic with no explanation whatsoever as to its provenance.  Which
gives me one more reason not to like loose continuity.
     The General informs everyone that the SWATbots are on the
move, so they're going to have to rely on their first line of
defense: Vector in full DJ mode.  No comment.
     Back at the castle (you get a sense of the kind of quick-
cutting and location shifting this story is going through), Sally
appears to be perfectly aware of the plot and tells the readers
what we all learned four pages ago, thus earning the first Golden
Duh! Award for the year.  A badly-drawn Uncle Chuck tells the
equally-badly-drawn Sally that having to mind so many jobs at
once may put a strain on A.D.A.M.; apparently Uncle Chuck has
never heard of multitasking.
     So Sonic is still trying to beat up Robotnik, and A.D.A.M.
is in control of Tails' Tornado and is trying to crash it into
the drink.  So what does Tails do in a situation like this?  Does
he abandon ship and rely on his own natural-born ability of
flight?  Does he switch off his onboard computer and use the
Force?  No, he tells A.D.A.M. a riddle!  This maneuver seems to
have been inspired by the Star Trek episode where Spock kept a
malevolent presence in the ship's computer busy by telling the
computer to solve pi.  This doesn't stop A.D.A.M. but it does
slow him down because he/it forgets to crash the Tornado; maybe
A.D.A.M. has never heard of multitasking, either.  Meanwhile, M
starts slapping Sonic around.
     The scene shifts back to Robotropolis where Vector's boom
box goes BOOM!, and Amy Rose steps up to the plate.  Amy Rose's
miserable two-panel assault deserved something more extended,
like a Magical Girl transformation scene out of "Sailor Moon." 
It certainly would have been more interesting.
     Since Karl can't be bothered with keeping his attention on
Amy Rose for very long, we go back to the Tornado almost smacking
into the FFS-M2.  Blink and you'll miss it.  The dialogue between
Bunnie and Antoine is eminently miss-worthy, and the worst thing
to have happened to the couple since "The Map."
     Back on the aircraft carrier, Eggman tries talking Sonic to
death while M beats the snot out of Sonic and throws him into the
water.
     Back at the Castle, Sally reminds us that Sonic can't swim,
and starts to go to him, but is stopped by her 'rents.  
     This is pretty much where I completely gave up on this
story.  As I had feared and predicted two issues ago, everything
that made Princess Sally an interesting character seems to have
been lost when she grew her hair long; call is a Samson-in-
Reverse Effect.  Unfortunately, there are still 4 pages of this
story to go.
     Back in the Badlands, aka the Robotropolis city limits, Amy
Rose is catching her breath when an EXTREMELY-poorly-drawn Rouge
shows up with the Sigma Alphas.
     Back at the harbor, Robotnik wants to make sure that Sonic
bought the farm this time so M goes swimming.  His ruminations
are interrupted by ... Shadow, who appears to have gotten his
quills done by the same barber who does Yugi Mutoh's hair.
     Remember the "Sonic can't swim" plot point that Karl went
out of his way to bring to mind?  Well, it looks like either
Sonic got lessons somewhere along the way, or else this is yet
another example of the difference between loose continuity and
BAD continuity.  M then confronts Sonic and does her
impersonation of ... The Amazing HypnoToad from "Futurama!"  To
be continued.

     HEAD: This thing is a mess!  You have Tails trying to reason
with a computer virus, you have the FFS-M2 zooming into and out
of the story for no apparent reason, you have Sonic the non-
swimmer rescuing himself by swimming (there's really no other
explanation), you have Sally marginalized, and you have artwork
that can only be called "schizophrenic" (but I'll save discussion
of that for the next segment).  In short, you have a story that
feels like it was written by one of the 10-year-old boys who are
supposed to be the book's core audience.  I hated it.  Head
Score: 2.
     EYE: Dave Manak has not had much chance to draw hyoomons in
this book, so I don't credit him with the fact that M, a
secondary villain, is the best-looking thing in the story.  I
think the credit goes to Michael Higgins, who's put in his time
in the industry working on superhero books.  I credit/blame
Higgins as inker because I've also seen the way Ken Penders tends
to smother Dawn Best's artwork whenever it's left to him to ink
her drawings; he drains the charm right out of them.
     If M is the best-looking thing in the book, it's a tough
call to say who's the worst.  Either Manak didn't care how he
drew the furries or else Higgins didn't care how he inked them. 
Either way, they're horribly off-model.  The worst of the breed
has to be Rouge, who's given near-human proportions.
     We've seen this before.  When Jim Valentino drew Special
#11's "Ascension," he did the same thing to Sally.  He tried to
make her body conform to the classic proportions of drawing
hyoomons: torso three heads high, legs three heads long (unless
you're drawing shojo manga in which case the legs are four heads
long).  Play Sonic Adventure 2 or watch Sonic X and you'll see
that Rouge's neat, compact little body has been desecrated in its
depiction here.
     Between the artwork and the writing it's clear what's
happening: after a great start two issues ago, Karl, Dave and
Mike have succumbed to the siren song of the industry and are
trying to kick it old school.  They have either forgotten that
this is a furry book and not a superhero comic, or else their
heart is really in doing superhero books and nothing else.  
     In Tom Wolfe's critique of modern architecture, "From
Bauhaus to Our House," he speaks of how modern architecture, the
International Style pioneered in Europe between the wars and
brought to these shores by Gropius, Mies van der Rohe, and
others, became so pervasive that after a while American
architects simply couldn't design anything else BUT the so-called
"glass boxes" such as the Lever Building.  The team of
Manak/Higgins fails every time they attempt to do a furry while
devoting loving attention to the un-furry M.  I'm sorry to break
it to you, but this IS a furry book.  Dawn Best understands this. 
J. Axer understand this.  Steven Butler understands this.  Art
Mawhinney certainly understands this, having storyboarded the
characters for television in the 1990s.  Manak and Higgins, they
don't get it.  Eye Score: 2.
     HEART: I've gone on record as saying that for a story to
succeed we have to be made to care about what's happening to the
characters.  Karl's idea of making us care about Sonic is having
M kick the crap out of him. That isn't exactly what I had in
mind.  This is compounded by the fact that Sonic shows almost no
personality to speak of in this story.  Then again, how much
personality does a punching bag need?
     Sally's fate is even worse.  Her heart was in the right
place, but having her submit to her parents was just totally out
of character.  And it's not as if Karl hasn't been in this
situation before.  One of my favorite bits of the comic (and
there are precious few of them) is the scene from "Saving Nate
Morgan" (S70) where it turns out that one of the troops taking
part in the rescue mission being led by Geoffrey Sinjin is none
other than Prince Elias in disguise.  THAT'S the kind of response
I would have expected from Sally, not allowing herself to become
just one more Pretty Victim.  All those years of Freedom Fighting
would have told her to go to Sonic anyway.  King Max tells her to
look at the logic of the situation, whereas anyone who's read
"Romeo and Juliet" knows that teenagers in love have their own
logic.
     The dialogue between Knuckles and Julie-Su is just as bad. 
You'd think that Knuckles would show SOME sign that, having been
dead, he's not about to get down to business as usual.  But his
attitude toward Julie-Su, who obviously still cares about him, is
just all wrong.
     Two issues ago, I really thought Karl had a handle on the
characters, especially Sonic and Sally.  That's all been
completely undone.  I don't know whether he let the demands of
the plot overwhelm his understanding of the characters, or
whether he's just impatient with this story and wants to do
something else, such as the projected multi-part back story about
Emma Whatsername from X-Persons (or is that title too gender-
inclusive for the comic book crowd?).
     I've really got to stop entertaining hopes for this book. 
Unless the next installment (which will at least feature Steve
Butler back behind the pencil) is absolutely fantastic, I'm
afraid that Archie will have managed to snatch defeat from the
jaws of victory yet once more.  Heart: 4.

     Mobius 25 Years Later: "The Unveiling"
     Story: Ken Penders; Art: Steve Butler; Ink: Ken Penders;
Color: Jason Jensen; Lettering: Vickie Williams; Editor: Justin
Gabrie.
     The party's already started as Knuckles' brother, Mace,
arrives.  Julie-Su feels she has to tell Mace to rein in his
horndog act at this party because the odds are he'll be hitting
on someone who's already attached.  This probably tells you more
about Mace than you want to know, but it also demonstrates that
Ken is light years ahead of Karl when it comes to communicating
personality.
     Knux, meanwhile, is following through on the previous
episode and having the first dance with Lara-Su, nicely framed
with roses in the shojo manga style.  But when someone cuts in
and wants to test-drive Lara-Su for himself, Knuckles retreats to
a balcony where Julie-Su stops him before he can break into a
verse of "Sunrise, Sunset."  And together they watch the
electricity discharge ominously across the night sky.
     Oh, that's not supposed to happen!
     Rotor isn't at the party because he's with Cobar, another
echidna who appears to be just slightly younger than dirt and
who's wearing what looks like the Retainer From Hell.  In a
nutshell: all the zone-hopping of the past few decades has worn
down the integrity of the space-time continuum.  That's about as
much exposition as we're allowed because Rotor has to get to the
party, though I'm sure the invitation said "Black tie," not
"Black cowl."
     And just showing up at the party are Vector and his son,
Argyle.  Vec's anxieties as to his kid's social skills are belied
by a very impressive dip of Lara-Su on Argyle's part.  At this
point, Harry informs Knuckles that Rotor wants to take a meeting.

     HEAD: Ken doesn't spell it out point for point, but it's
pretty clear that the Unveiling is a social event not unlike a
cotillion.
     A cotillion [the name comes from the French word for
"petticoat"] is a fancy dress ball at which the eligibility of
young ladies is made public.  The centerpiece of the cotillion is
the country dance, which really has nothing to do with urban vs.
rural.  The name is a corruption of the French "contredanse"
which indicates that the men and women start out facing each
other.  There is also frequent changing of partners, in what
becomes a controlled and socially acceptable form of flirtation. 
In this story alone, Lara-Su has three different dancing
partners, and that's the point.
     I'm not going to bore you with a lot of information about
country dances and their evolution into American square dancing,
nor about how African Americans in the late 19th century mocked
the mannerisms of the white elite in their own social scene and
about how the cotillion became part of African American culture
(one African American college I know of, where dancing isn't
allowed, retained the form of the cotillion but renamed it a
"beautillion" where the emphasis is shifted away from dancing
while retaining the social aspects).  But however you slice it,
it's still a variation on the chant heard in the beginning of
"The Shawshank Redemption" when new convicts were brought to the
prison: "Fresh fish!  Fresh fish!  Fresh fish!"
     Forced by the limited number of pages to work with, Ken had
to keep the exposition between Rotor and Cobar to a minimum,
which is a good thing.  We're told just what we need to know
about the crisis on the horizon and then it's back to the party. 
Instead of the frenetic jump-cutting in the previous story, the
pacing here works.  
     I don't know if Aussies (and since Harry is a dingo that's
what I take him to be) actually say "Guv'nor," which I always
thought was more Cockney slang.  I asked an Australian Sonic fan
about this; he said that a few "slangos" might still use it, but
he doubted its use generally.  Here's a tip for aspiring Sonic
writers: when in doubt, leave it out.  Either that or do more
research.  Head Score: 8.
     EYE: Unlike the team of Manak/Higgins in the previous story,
Butler/Penders do excellent work here.  You can even see it in
the incidental characters, the "extras" in the first panel on the
first page.  They're done with conviction and certainty.  Lara-Su
is especially good-looking, though to quote a line from Ralph
Hayes Jr.'s "Tales of the Questor," "Her mother probably had to
threaten her life to get her into that dress."  I hope Lara-Su
didn't dislocate her shoulder during that dip administered by
Argyle.  Eye Score: 10.
     HEART: Whatever powers Knux may or may not still have, he
seems to have become something of a softie in his advanced age,
if his scenes with Julie-Su and Lara-Su are any indication.  And
it rings absolutely true.
     In all the talk about "graphic novels" vis-a-vis traditional
comics, the works that tend to stand up off the page (for me,
anyway) are the ones that are the most true to reality, as if the
comic medium somehow makes reality even moreso.  Works such as
Art Spiegelman's "Maus," Marjane Satrapi's "Persepolis,"
"American Splendor" by Harvey Pekar, Will Eisner's "A Contract
With God," and "Safe Area Gorazde" by Joe Sacco are all historic,
biographical or autobiographical and not the stuff of fantasy. 
In a weird inversion of the medium, the more comics indulge in
the fantasy that was their lifeblood in the beginning, the more
anemic they seem to become.  The future of the comic medium
appears to be summed up in the title of Tom Beland's graphic
novel: "True Story, Swear To God."
     I wasn't taken so much by the possibility of spatio-temporal
annihilation mentioned in the plot as I was by the small human
drama within the comic, of Knuckles needing to let go of Lara-Su
as all fathers must let go of their daughters.  Of course, this
might not play the same with the pre-ado boys but the reader base
of this comic is mercifully no longer confined to that narrow
demographic.  This story shows the lesson that all aspiring comic
writers must learn if they're ever to shake the industry by its
lapels and bring it to its senses: Not only must you know how to
tell a story, you must also tell the truth.  The truth Ken tells
in this story isn't a flashy one but it qualifies.  Heart Score:
10.

     This Justin: J. Fred pumps Sonic #133 and introduces his
assistant Mike Pellerito.  Well, "introduction" may not be the
best word since Mike won't run his resume past us until the next
issue.

     Sonic-Grams: I'm not sure what hapened here; looks like they
took a long letter from Brian the Blue Blur, bookended it with
two shorter letters, then interspersed the works with short
comments from ... maybe it's Ken, I don't know.  Anyway, that's
all they have space for while trying to squeeze in the legal
stuff for the new year.

     Fan Art: Knuckles screams, Sonic turns Saiyan, Shadow heats
up, and Sonic and Tails and Amy Rose just sort of stand there.