Sonic The Hedgehog #149 [July 2005] Pat Spaziante cover: Sonic and his Shadow. Don't believe the hype. "The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown: Part 4: Armageddon" Story: Ken Penders; Art: Steve Butler; Ink: Jim Amash; Color: Jason Jensen; Lettering: John E. Workman; Editor: Mike Pellerito; Managing Editor: Victor Gorelick; Editor-in-Chief: Richard Goldwater Remember Uncle Chuck? Well, we're brought up to speed by a doughy lump of exposition: "Having received word from his brother that his help regarding an urgent matter was required, Sir Charles made his apologies to King Acorn and soon found himself standing and waiting silently as Jules's shuttle rapidly made its approach." So apparently Uncle Chuck had gone along on the Royal Tour. I say "apparently" because I just checked my copy of S134's "Say You Will" and the only other Mobian mentioned as accompanying the Royals was Antoine. But what's one more example of loose continuity in this comic? So Chuck has to shlep all the way back to Knothole so Jules can give him a ride. Depending on exactly where the Royals were at the time, it may or may not have made more sense for Jules to pick up Chuck, but never mind. Anyway, Jules spirits him off so they can rescue "that son of mine." And Jules knew Sonic was in trouble ... how exactly? Anyway, before Sonic can be reunited with his father and uncle, he takes a meeting with Shadow, Isaac and Metal in the shade of the ICBM. Lucky us, Isaac starts up again: "WHILE THERE IS A 93% POSSIBILITY YOU COULD BE STATING THE TRUTH IN YOUR LACK OF COMPREHENSION WITH REGARD TO THE SITUATION YOU NOW FIND YOURSELF IN...." You know what? Forget Isaac. Let's keep the focus on Sonic as he dodges some machine-gun fire from the bot, bounces off its head and starts spiraling his way up the silo by running along the walls in a maneuver I saw in Sonic 3 and Knuckles in the Angel Island Zone. Metal takes off after him, but I'll spare you their repartee, as well as that between Shadow and Isaac. Anyway, Sonic manages to body-slam Metal into the side of the missile, which doesn't strike me as the smartest move but what do I know? He then uses Metal to take Shadow down a notch. Believe it or not, that's the last we hear of Metal Sonic. As Sonic notices that Shadow is MIA, we cut to the rest of the gang who are ... somewhere or other. And this is where Ken Penders lost me because he has Tails the Observant saying to the rest: "[Sonic's] on monitor seven and he's having a free-for-all with the Three Amigos!" I swear on the Bible, I literally threw down my copy of the comic in disgust at this point. OK, I finally got it: if I want dialogue done with wit and insight, I should be reading Oscar Wilde or Mark Twain or Tom Wolfe or pretty much ANYBODY OTHER THAN KEN PENDERS. Never mind that the dialogue depends on the reader knowing about a mediocre movie that's pushing 20, which is no small consideration when that's twice the age of your alleged core audience. And I suppose that a "Three Stooges" reference might not work any better. But why try to be cute about it at all? All it did for me was conjure up a mental image of Shadow, Metal and Isaac torturing Sonic by singing "My Little Buttercup." And if anyone reading this review didn't get THAT joke, it only confirms my belief that the line was just plain wrong and had no business being in the story. But back to the fun. Tails then points out "what's in the background" and Rotor suggests everybody beat feet because "I discovered ancient diagrams over the years, and that object was once known as a nuclear missile." Oh, you mean like the ones Robotnik threatened to use back in the Home story arc (S130-133)? You know, for a techie, Rotor's not exactly the fastest chip on the motherboard. For no specified reason, they arrive at the Armory. We know this because the sign over the door says "ARMORY." In English. Reminds me of the scene from the immortal bad film "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" where the Earth kids who have been abducted by space aliens (in this case, bad actors in green face paint) hide aboard the Martian flying saucer inside a "radar box," which is an empty wooden crate with the words "RADAR BOX" stenciled on the front. In English. We leave the gang as Fiona starts developing a serious case of gun lust. Shadow grabs hold of Sonic's ankle and Sonic, remembering that the two of them plus Metal are supposed to be mixing it up, gets Shadow in a headlock. Shadow's been watching pro wrestling, though, and knows that one way to get out of a headlock is an elbow to the gut. Beats getting hit on the back of a head with a folding chair. Back at the Armory, Rotor declares: "Freedom Fighters don't resort to using guns of any kind! Never have! Never will!" This from the inventor of the "Party-Hearty Quadra-Sonic Rock'N'Roller," which first appeared in S44's "Black and Blue and Red All Over" and which one fan, "Mage of Medford," described as a "bazooka on steroids." But maybe it's Ken's way of sticking it to Karl Bollers for arming Bunnie during the Home arc (specifically S133 where her pistolas didn't get whited out). But just so the fan base can satisfy THEIR gun lust, we watch a bunch of ordnance going off; target as yet unknown. The action (read: "fight") then comes to another dead stop while Sonic and Shadow wonder where Isaac had gotten to and speculate that maybe the ICBM is about to launch. They head for the top of the missile silo while the rest of the Mobians give the impression that they're lost; so's this story, but the readers probably figured that out during the last installment. We then cut to Chuck and Jules getting shot at. Uncle Chuck tells Jules to stay with the shuttle while he goes in after the kids, and LITERALLY in the space of one panel he comes upon Tails and the gang. That's either very good orienteering skills considering Chuck had never been in the place either, or more really bad writing. Sonic and Shadow climb up to the surface and emerge just in sight of the shuttle (don't even ASK what the odds are). Sonic complains that he won't make it to the shuttle because "My ankle's shot!" This prompted someone on a message board to ask in all seriousness "Who shot him?" Sometimes I feel like mine is the last generation to get a halfway-decent education, and this is definitely one of those times. Anyway, instead of Shadow saying "So what?" he pitches Sonic like a bowling ball toward the ship while he makes his own exit. The ship takes off under fire but sustains no damage (of course) as we get to the last page, and it's a doozie: First Rotor complains that they never discovered what caused the seismic disturbance about 4 issues back that he was so worked up about. Tails then brings up a book by some "crackpot" author theorizing about life on ancient Mobius, and Rotor wished he could have gotten Isaac to come along. Well, Isaac DOES have weapons potential as something that could bore people to death. As for Isaac himself, he's back to making sure everything's secure in the base and awaiting further instructions from some "Doctor" in a pickle jug. "On that ominous note" (Duh-duh- DUUUUUHH!!), we find ourselves on the brink of issue 150. And what happened to the missile? Good question. See below for a possible answer. HEAD: Some time around last Thanksgiving, there was an announcement of a cross-marketing deal between Archie Comics and DC, one of the two comic companies (the other being Marvel) that between them have a hold on two-thirds of the comic book market in America. Archie, by comparison, has a market share of maybe 1/3 of 1%. The Teen Titans ads in this issue and the last are probably a direct result of the deal; who knows where Sonic is being advertised in DC. But that kind of exposure came with a price. If you'll count the pages in this book, you'll see that the number devoted to stories has gone from 24 to 22. Same with S148, and I have to wonder whether the Heroscape comic insert in that issue wasn't a result of the DC deal as well. I also have to wonder whether that had anything to do with the declining quality of the writing. This story certainly could have benefitted from another page to improve the pacing and generally tie up the loose ends, the fate of the ICBM being the loosest end of all. We don't know WHAT happened! Was Sonic just wrong as to whether the thing was going to launch? Did they sabotage it off-panel? Did it just plain run out of gas? We don't know, Ken's not saying, and who really gives a rat's rump at this point! Once more Ken serves up a threat to try to hold the interest of the audience and once more it turns out to be a non-threat. And once more the characters are ill-served, particularly Bunnie, who is spared the embarrassment of having to respond to Rotor's anti-gun speech by the fact that Ken gives her NO DIALOGUE WHATSOEVER in this installment. She's fast becoming irrelevant to this comic, which is sad. OK, I'll admit she's one of my favorites, but of all the characters in the continuity I believe Ken is out of touch with her to the greatest extent. This is supposed to be remedied, I've been assured, in S152's "Sonic's Angels." Sorry, but I can no longer bring myself to hope that it'll be true. The quality of the writing simply is NOT improving! Ken knows how to write an action story, but this book has always been about more than just action. And lately the comic just hasn't been getting traction. How's THAT for an ominous note? Head Score: 3. EYE: You know what? Forget the art. Let's cut right to... HEART: What exactly were we supposed to CARE about in this story? Sonic getting banged up? He still functioned OK. The ICBM possibly going off? Turned out to be a dud of a plot point. Rotor, Bunnie and Fiona getting juiced? They came through without a scratch. Unfortunately. This story arc needed an emotional center in the worst way, something that the readers could care about. It occurred to me during the last installment that they had a strong potential candidate in ... Bunnie. Would it have spoiled some vast eternal plan for Bunnie's bionics to have been completely short-circuited by what turned out to be a "harmless" electrical field? Now THAT would be something: Bunnie flat on her back, more helpless than Tommy in such a situation because her legs and left arm would be worse than useless; they'd be dead weight. And depending on the severity of the damage, they may be beyond repair. And that would certainly change the interpersonal dynamic when Antoine finally gets his derriere back in the story. I'm not just saying this because I did something similar to her in my fanfic "Mobius Apocalypse," or because I've watched one too many episodes of "Fullmetal Alchemist," or because the "death" of Sally formed the emotional core of the Endgame arc (which really NEEDED an emotional core to keep from being one long, dreary chase-and-fight). I'm saying it because Ken failed at the most basic level of storytelling: he didn't give the readers much of a reason to care about what was happening to the characters. Threats were non-threats. Fights started and stopped arbitrarily. Charles and Jules's arrival was a total deus ex machina. And Isaac was so boring that I'd guess the seismic disturbance Rotor wondered about just might have been the bot's namesake, Isaac Asimov, rolling over in his grave. Heart Score: 1. "The Chosen One: Part 1" Story: Romy Chacon; Art: Art Mawhinney; Ink: Andrew Pepoy; Color: Jason Jensen; Lettering: Jeff Power; Editor: Mike Pellerito; Managing Editor: Victor Gorelick; Editor-in-Chief: Richard Goldwater Remember Tails's 'tude in the last installment? Guess he got over it because he and Sonic are playing hind-and-seek blissfully unaware that in an alternate universe far, far away, said alternate universe has just been destroyed (insert thanks to the deity of your choice here). But to keep our heroes on top of things, or to keep them sideways, that perpendicular police hog, Zonic the Zone Cop, makes an entrance. "My mission here is of the up most," he declares. That's "utmost," Z-meister. Which would be funny, except that people got PAID to keep mistakes like this out of the comic and they didn't. Anyway, Sonic's assumption that he's being asked for his help comes undone like a poorly-tied sneaker as Zonic states that it's Tails that's being summoned but Sonic can tag along because it's his name on the comic book cover. The three of them get whisked to a control room where Zonic can monitor innumerable parallel universes blipping out of existence. When he replays the videotape we discover that the cause of it all is ... Mammoth Mogul. We then get a dose of exposition, a page-and-a-half worth, though Art Mawhinney's artwork mercifully fails to depict the utter stupidity of MM's gladiator costume from his S56 appearance. The exposition slides over the Tails-Isn't-Tails plot point in all its insanity, and the MM-Knuckles back story takes up an entire page. The only saving grace is Zonic's phonetic pronunciation of the Xorda or "Zorda" as Z-dawg calls them. The upshot of all this is an impending grudge match between MM and the Chosen One, i.e. Guess Who. Noticing that the screens have all been blanked out, they realize that MM has come for Tails. The rest of the zone cops can't put up much of a fight so Zonic drags Tails to a nearby room wherein we find ... a fanfic nightmare as variant Tails from various zones have been assembled in a direct quotation from "Night Of A Thousand Sonics." HEAD: This story pays the price for the DC ad deal mentioned above. Was anyone else seriously annoyed by the presence of ads on like every other page? OK, it wasn't THAT bad but it was bad enough: this was a ten-page story with SEVEN PAGES OF ADS in the middle! That's just ridiculous! Put 'em all at the beginning or the end! It just completely throws off any rhythm the author tries to create. The good news is, someone has FINALLY gotten a clue as to the meaning of the words "limitless power." Ever since his introduction in the comic, Mammoth Mogul's "limitless powers" have been rather ... limited. Except for one moment when he took Knuckles apart molecule by molecule, he's been a fairly run-of- the-mill villain, powerful but certainly not godlike. We're seeing a bit more of what he's got now. The bad news is, he's been cast in the same mold as Galactus, Devourer of Worlds and venerable comic book cliche. Then again, it was necessary for him to make SOME kind of entrance. If he'd just come after Tails without clearing away all those pesky alternate realities (forever, let's hope), there wouldn't have been space for Zonic's exposition, which was far more necessary in this case than Isaac's robotic ramblings in "GBU: Genesis". As it is, the story is well-paced and more focused than "GBU: Armageddon" which kept cutting back and forth between Sonic and his attackers and the other Freedom Fighters. As for the roomful of Tailseses ... you know what I mean ... as much as that looks like a weird joke, it just might be the way to detoxify the Chosen One plot point. Remember in my last review I described the Chosen One as a poison pill: take it and the whole continuity could come to an end as the Great Harmony takes over. But what if the Great Harmony in this case becomes Tails Prime merging with his counterparts and thus taking on MM head to fuzzy head? It could happen. In one of my favorite Teen Titan eps, "Nevermore," Raven's anger takes on a life of its own and the ordinarily emotionless character draws strength from other personifications of her other emotions, from fear to fearlessness, including one aspect of her I like to think of as her Inner Homer Simpson (if you saw the ep, you'll know which one I mean). I can only hope that the denouement of this story is just as good. Head Score: 6. EYE: Art Mawhinney's artwork lacks obvious visual flash and can now be considered a throwback to the kinder, gentler days of the comic. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Mawhinney's work perfectly reflects the mood of the story, from the placid opening game of Hide and Seek to the extreme close-up of Zonic during the Knuckles exposition and the projection of Mammoth Mogul's visage on the visor of his helmet, which was my favorite panel. Eye Score: 9. HEART: After reading this story and looking back at Ken's prelude in S148, I get the distinct impression that last issue's story could have been fed into a paper shredder and nobody would have missed it. In its essentials, the story is all here. Plus, there wouldn't have been any discordance between Ken's Tails and Romy's. Ken seemed to think he HAD to have Tails go against character and be all teen angsty and moody in the beginning, whereas the last time someone tried that it was Mike Gallagher in the Tails miniseries and its immediate predecessors. Even THEN it was hard to take it seriously with Dave Manak at the drawing board and Tails venting his frustrations on a piece of Bristol board as he created "Captain Super Fox-Man, the Mutant Cyborg Clone". And by the end of last month's story, Tails's emotional state isn't even resolved. It seemed tacked on. It ultimately didn't matter whether he was crabbing about his parents or being left behind on missions or whatever. Tails was pretty much REQUIRED to feel the way he did by the plot; nothing happened in the story that justified his attitude. Now look at Tails in THIS story. He's back to being the pleasant little guy we've come to know and love through the years. He and Sonic cycle through several different emotions on their way to the Tails Convention on the last page. And all of their emotions are honestly come by. You can see WHY Tails is afraid, for instance; it's not just a line he has to say in the story. Romy Chacon's work has been wildly inconsistent after starting so strong; in the case of "Love and Loss" Jon Gray practically had to rebuild major portions of the script from the ground up. Here, however, she seems to have remembered where she left her game. There are no major melodramatic moments but in this case there didn't need to be. This is a rarity for this comic: a story that strikes the perfect emotional notes. I only wish this sort of thing wasn't due to luck more than anything else, given the book's track record. Heart Score: 10. No letters, Mike flogs S150, and while Mike also flogs the SonicX miniseries, he doesn't say when it's coming out. Mercifully, he doesn't have to: according to the preview media, it'll come out in August 2005 with a script by Joe Edkin. Though a Sonic newcomer, his credits include work for the majors (DC and Marvel). His Web site, http://www.williamsullivanadvertising.com/joeedkin/ also includes several chapters of a lecture series on Writing for Comic Books. I read the Introduction, and he only mentions everything that I've said has been lacking in the Sonic comic for the last decade. A sample: "Do not learn to write comic books from reading comic books only. (Nor should you learn to draw comics from comics.) Reading good comics will help you learn elements of form and style, but it is also inherently limiting. You get into the law of diminishing returns, for if you don't have any reference points beyond comics, everything you write will be derivative. Read novels. Read newspapers. Read non-fiction. Watch foreign films. Go to the theater. Expose yourself to more than what you find on comic book shelves. The more you know about the world around you, the more material you will have from which to draw stories. The more storytelling styles you have encountered, the larger your own bag of tricks will be. "Learn to write, and in this case, I'm not just talking about writing stories. I'm talking about basic grammar. Learn how to use language. Learn how to spell and punctuate. Learn how to form a sentence. Learn about literary devices like parallel structure, metaphor, personification, etc. You may have the best, most exciting, unique stories in the world to tell, but if you can't put them down on paper in a way that looks professional and can be read, no editor is going to buy your work." All I can say is "Amen, brother! Tell it!!" The man can talk the talk, but we'll know in August whether Archie Comics let him walk the walk.