Sonic Super Special #8 Spaz/Harvo/Ribiero cover: We've got Sonic skidding to a halt, Sally as a Sailor senshi, Amy Rose ditto, Robotnik, and the figure at a 90 degree angle is from the first story. Until I realized this, the cover was VERY confusing; now, it's just...confusing. Besides, some of this is a lie. Because the composition is muddled and the art is based on a false premise, this jumps out to an early lead as Worst Cover Art for 1999. You can never start putting those Best/Worst lists together too early. Credits page 1: Another bit of false advertising, but Spaz's artwork looks so darned CUTE! Amy Rose in a sailor suit with hyper-humungoid green eyes. Credits page 2: Nelson Ribiero's more pedestrian portrait of Sonic. It's his comic book, but he gets the "Also" credit this time around. "Zone Wars: Prelude" Story: Dan Slott; Art: James Fry; Ink: Bob Wiacek; Lettering: Jeff Powell; Coloring: Josh D. Ray; Editorial: G- Force. Do not attempt to adjust your comic book: the first two panels are SUPPOSED to appear sideways. Zonic, a sort of space/time cop version of Sonic, receives a report of a hazardous story material spill from one zone into another. Zonic heads to Mobius to investigate. Look fast, because the next three pages are ALL there is in this 8-pager of the advertised cover story: a Sonic/Sailor Moon crossover. Basically, we get to see Robotnik as a Negacrud ("Hey, Ivo, does your mama know you're wearing her clothes? Badly?"), Sally as Tsukino Usagi/Serena/Sailor Moon, Amy Rose as Chibi-Usa/Rini/Sailor Chibi-Moon, and Knuckles as Mamoru Chiba/Darien/Tuxedo Mask. But then we get to the REAL point of this story: Zonic arrives, sends the crossover characters back to their zone of origin (about which we learn nothing) and, appropriately for his orientation throughout the story, proceeds to stand part of the Sonic comic continuity on its ear: Zonic informs Sonic that his various jaunts down the Cosmic Interstate have all been at his (Zonic's) direction. Basically, Sonic is told that what he had thought to be the exercise of free will on his part was really nothing more than crass determinism. Sonic is supposed to be consoled by the fact that he is "Sonic prime", the source material for all the other derivative zones out there. To compensate for his previous dialogue in the story (a sampler: "What the...?" "Wha..?" "WHAT?!" "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!"), Sonic DOES get a great curtain line: "Why didn't I get the GIRL?!!" Sorry, Sonic, you'll have to take THAT up with Messers Gabrie, Gorelick and Goldwater. HEAD: This story reminds me of the old studio greeting card, the one that has the word SEX printed on the front in big bold letters, and when you open it the inside message begins: "Now that I have your attention...." "Professor Norton Nimnul, my name is Jonathan Brisby, a descendent of *THE* Jonathan Brisby from NIMH. And in the name of the RATS we will punish you." Everybody looked at him, as one large drop of sweat falls off his cheek. "I.. I couldn't think of anything else." The preceding quote was taken from "The Rangers of NIMH" by Paul Lapansee and David Gonterman, a "Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers"/"Secret of NIMH" crossover fanfic widely regarded as probably the WORST fanfic of all time, bar none. Yet even in a story filled with irritating and pointless references to everything from Disney's "Gargoyles" to the Bill & Ted movies to the DOOM computer game, the team of Lapansee and Gonterman weren't able to do anything else with the gratuitous Sailor Moon reference cited above. Dan Slott apparently had the same problem. Not that it would have been an easy fit. Anyone vaguely familiar with the Sailor Moon continuity (and it was to make sure I covered all the bases with THEIR hardcore constituency that I resorted to the multiple character names above) knows that trying to fit the Sonic continuity into the Sailor Moon mold would be like trying to fit Bunnie's metallic feet into Sailor Moon's thigh-high boots. The very identification of Princess Sally with Serena/Sailor Moon is problematic from the get-go. Sally is mature, intelligent and athletic; Serena is lazy, ditzy, and (in the words of Darien) can't walk a block without falling down and taking at least three people down with her. Like Knuckles as Darien/Tuxedo Mask and Amy Rose as Chibi-Usa, she works as a visual gag. A very BRIEF visual gag. The more you think about it, the more you think "Now, WAIT a minute...!" But as it turns out the crossover device was simply a pretext: a bait-and-switch to bring in Zonic the zone cop with his little bit of revisionism. ANY other crossover from any other possible zone could have served the purpose as well as the Sailor Moon gimmick--and in the end that's all it amounted to. I won't go into the implications of the neverending debate between free will and determinism (I do that in my review of "The Ultimatum" in Sonic #60, in case you're interested). But I don't know which is worse: reducing the Sailor Moon plot point to a mere tease, or the blatant rewriting of the comic continuity. Dan Slott has a good narrative grasp but I can't say I enjoy being strung along. Head Score: 3. EYE: James Fry, on the other hand, is able to keep the characters on-model and looking like they actually COULD have one furry foot in both worlds. He got Sally-as-Sailor Moon's proportions exactly right, and like any anime babe half of her height is in her legs. By including the Mobius strip infinity symbol (a form of the Cosmic Serpent) as part of the Moon Scepter, he demonstrates more than a passing knowledge of both continuities. His other drawings of Sonic on page 7 (invoking past Zone stories) are also believable. Which makes the disappointment that the crossover plot never went any father all the more keen. Making Robotnik look good, though, is too much to ask of anyone. This guy is a talent to watch. Eye Score: 9. HEART: This piece is such a burlesque that it's hard to assign a Heart Score to this one. However, here with a Special Sailor Score for the story is Hino Rei/Raye/Sailor Mars: "MARS FIRE...IGNITE!!!" Uh, thanks. Anybody got a Dust Buster? "Running On Empty" Story: Roger Brown and Nelson Ribiero; Script: Roger Brown; Art: Nelson Ribiero; Ink: Jim Amash; Color: Frank Gagliardo; Lettering: Vickie Williems: Editorial: G-Force After a one-page set-up, Sonic launches into a first-person narrative: Sonic goes to rescue Sally, who appears to be tied up inside a Chinese-style gazebo. When he realizes that the "Sally" in question is a hologram, he gets zapped by a somewhat buff- looking Snively. I think it's the shoulder pads. The encounter has had its effect on Sonic, though, who appears to be having brake and transmission problems: he keeps slipping into overdrive without being able to stop. By the time Rotor has run a few tests and figured out what's happening, Sonic is starting to look like a Civil War re-enactment: a mix of blue and gray. Accompanied by Sally, Tails and Rotor, Sonic locates the device (now in Robotnik's headquarters rather than at the gazebo). Rotor's able to reverse the ray; the bad news is, he can't start it up without a security code. Sonic revs up one more time to prevent everyone being captured by SWAT-bots, and Sally gets Snively to use the ray on Sonic by basically begging Snively to throw Brer Rabbit into de briar patch. HEAD: A very basic no-frills narrative, and proof that basic can be a good thing. Maybe this isn't as complex as a Ken Penders or Karl Bollers arc, but that's hardly a fault. In fact, it has the feel of a SatAM episode. The story isn't original; Mark Lungo informed me that the same hyper-aging thing happened to the Flash, and I distinctly remember an episode of Disney's Gummi Bears where the same fate befell one of the characters (though it was due to the manipulations of an enchantress). And unlike "Stop! Sonic Time!" (Sonic Kids Special), Roger Brown doesn't wander into any serious incongruities when in the first person (except for Snively's little exposition in the middle of page 3). Head Score: 8. Eye: Nelson Ribiero's modeling is on for the most part, though I had a few problems with a couple of the characters: Sally's hair looked a little too fly-away, and Rosie looked as if she'd been designed by Edward Gorey (especially in the third panel on page 5). I've already said that Snively was looking a little too good. That's the trouble with including humans in a funny animal book: resisting the temptation to draw them so they look like your basic superhero type. Still, Sonic is done VERY well here: Ribiero has a very good grasp of effective gestures. And the key drawing of Sally begging Snively to turn the ray on Sonic strikes just the right note. Eye Score: 8. HEART: A surprisingly strong example here. Remember, the trick isn't pathos per se so much as getting the reader to care about what happens to the players. And Roger Brown IMHO pulled it off. He remembered the key point that Sonic's problem is also everyone else's problem, and so included Rotor, Sally and Tails in the mission to get Sonic back to normal. Sally's "That's what friends are for" would have sounded ridiculous otherwise. At only 12 pages he couldn't over-dramatize Sonic's plight, but maybe that's just as well. It could have been overdone but it wasn't. Heart Score: 9. "Den of Thieves" Story: Frank Strom; Art: Frank Strom; Ink: Jim Amash; Color: Barry Grossman; Lettering: Vickie Williams; Editorial: Who Else? And now for something completely different: a story with NO hint of a link to Sonic whatsoever. Having created Monkey Khan (or at least retooled the Monkey King of Asian legend), Frank Strom spins him off on his own. In the "townships" of Lau Kar (also called "Leung Kar" at one point), the Yagyu Ninja bats have just robbed the Temple of the Golden Lotus. You KNOW this lies outside the Sonic continuity! Two huge-eared characters, Liu Chi Mei and her brother Liu Fang, give chase. I've heard someone guess that the Liu sibs are bats as well, but they lack the understated wing webbing of the ninjas. My guess is they're supposed to be rabbits (lop-eared rabbits, to be precise) and Khan does refer to Liu Fang as "Hoppy" in one panel, but it wouldn't have killed Frank Strom to have added some cotton tails to their costumes to help make the point. Monkey Khan shows up to stop the robbers, who hurl a couple shurikens in his direction and, in the classic ninja tradition, vanish. Khan gives chase, followed by Fang and Chi Mei. They're jumped by the Yagyu and sent through a trap door. The good news is, they've fallen into the chamber where the stolen goods are being kept; the bad news is, it's being guarded by Kamezon, a "dragon" who actually looks more like Gamera, a giant fire-breathing turtle and star of one of the most embarrassing string of Japanese monster movies of all time. Khan figures that Kamezon is a bot so he disables the machine's "tracking device." It must be pretty selective because the disabled Kamezon ends up giving chase to the Yagyu as Liu and Liu reclaim the stolen treasures. HEAD: The apparent meld of Chinese and Japanese elements in the same story actually isn't so far off the mark; the techniques of the ninja were developed in China by the Lin Kuei clan during the Shang Dynasty (1700-1100 B.C.) and it took several hundred years before the techniques resurfaced in Japan as tools of the trade for the infamous and secretive group of spies and assassins (the term "ninja", BTW, means "stealers-in"). So the incongruity isn't so bad. What IS pretty bad is the ease with which Monkey Khan dispatches Kamezon who, instead of blindly attacking anything nearby (which would have left Khan and the Liu sibs in danger), takes off after the Yagyu ninjas instead. Otherwise, though, this story features another straightforward narrative with definite characterizations: Khan is just full enough of himself to avoid being obnoxious, but Liu Fang has a fair amount of attitude that sometimes verges on the annoying. Lord Yagyu, the leader of the ninja clan, is probably the least satisfying character in the story, coming off like a cliche master villain. Head Score: 6. EYE: In a funny animal book (let's say it loud and proud, OK?), you shouldn't have to GUESS as to what animal(s) appear from panel to panel. And unless one is familiar with lop-eared rabbits, the identification of Chi Mei and Fang as rabbits isn't exactly handed to the reader on a silver platter. Like I said, having them flash some tail would have helped. Khan is looking like his old self, and the Asian trappings of the story, from clothing to martial arts weapons, have an authentic feel to them. Eye Score: 7. HEART: This story takes itself out of the running because, let's face it, it doesn't even PRETEND to be about Sonic the Hedgehog. Heart Score: N/A. "Ghost Busted" Story: Pat Alee; Script: Jay Oliveras; Art: Jay Oliveras; Ink: ?; Color: Frank Gagliardo; Lettering: Vickie Williams; Editorial: Need You Ask? The good news is, Archie Comics FINALLY adapted one of the original SatAM episodes to the comic. The bad news is, they picked this rather lame excuse (which had originally been double- billed with "Fed Up With Antoine"). Could've been worse, though; they could have adapted "Robecca," THE lamest of all the SatAM eps. Sonic, Tails and Antoine are out on an overnight camping trip. Antoine klutzes around and Tails is spooked by Sonic's telling of a ghost story. That's pretty much it. HEAD: Too bad another SatAM ep had used the title "No Brainer" because this one would have qualified. It showcases Antoine in full raw nerve mode. About the only virtue to this story is that we finally get a decent example of Antoine's tortured syntax and Inspector Clouseau-style pronunciation: "Well, meester smarty-panties, I know what I am seeing and what I am seeing ees eh ghost and I was ready to be attacking." Compare this with Antoine's guest appearance at the beginning of the Forbidden Zone arc in Knuckles #19: it doesn't take long for Ken Penders to forget about Antoine's accent and flatten it out completely. This is a fate that befalls Antoine far too often in the comic, and the fact that his linguistic idiosyncracies are on full display (if not their delivery by Rob Paulson) amounts to the ONLY saving grace of this piece. Head Score: 2. EYE: Aye-yi-yi-yi! What happened? I've seen fan art by 6- year-olds that looked more believable! In one panel Antoine is supposed to be sliding down a riverbank into the water below, but the perspective is SO bad that he looks like he's falling UP toward Sonic and Tails! This is painfully poor artwork! We're looking at an early contender for Worst Story Art for 1999 here. Eye Score (or should that be "eyesore"?): 1 (on a scale of 1 to 10, let me remind you). HEART: Nelson Ribiero failed to carry over the few hints of the pseudo-sibling relationship between Sonic and Tails that were on display in the original. Of course, even then they had an uphill fight against Antoine's clowning. Heart Score: 2. Know Your Heroes: If your heroes have always been cowboys, don't bother with this section. All you'll find here are a self- made police department Internal Affairs vigilante named Black Hood (though I think they prefer to call themselves "Gangstas"), a Captain America knock-off named Shield, and a literal Man Of Steel named "Steel Sterling." How imaginative! Sonic-Grams: "Off Panel" features off-color material-- specifically, a seasick-green Tails. Again, JFG goes over the marketing strategy before plugging some Knuckles issues and Special #9 (due in April). In fact, the blurb for the next Special has me interested: Mike Gallagher (who aquitted himself admirably with "When You And I Were Young, Sally" in the Sonic Kids special) returns with three more Sonic Kids stories, including a retelling of Sally's first encounter with Knuckles (who was then in the process of letting his father screw up his life) and an account of the birth of Tails! Plus letters supportive of the Sonic Kids special. Let's just try to keep the quality of the stories up to par, shall we?