Sonic Universe #36 (March 2012)

Yardley!/Herms cover: Sonic and Jet and … and the reason I decided I hate this entire story arc. But we’ll discuss that later.

“Babylon Rising Part 4: Resurrection”

Story: Tracy Yardley!; Art: Tracy Yardley!; Ink: Jim Amash; Color: Steve Downer; Lettering: Jack Morelli; Editor: Paul Kaminski; Editor-in-Chief: Victor Gorelick; UFO Believer: Mike Pellerito; Sega Licensing reps: Anthony Gaccione and Cindy Chau

Last time, you’ll remember, New Mobitropolis is playing the White House in a re-enactment of THAT SCENE from “Independence Day.” Just out of range of the nasty ray, Naugus pulls himself out of the hole he made when the Battle Lord kicked his butt off the ship. Sizing up the situation and realizing that he’s got a better deal over at the main Sonic comic, he disappears into his own shadow and out of this story arc for the time being.

Back in the Great Forest, the Mobians are taking in the show and somehow blaming this on Nicole when the Rogues are seen heading for the Battle Bird flagship. By the time the Rogues get there the ray’s been turned off and they’re staring at a ginormous hole in the ground. Storm sizes up the situation: “That is one big hole.” Real rocket scientist there. Jet is sure that the Babylon Garden is at the bottom of the hole, so they take a flying leap.

On board the flagship, the Battle Lord is crowing, unaware that Sonic is getting ready to take a flying leap himself right behind the Rogues. Sonic catches up with them before they get to the ground and unboards the birds. Of course, if you remember from last time, that only lasts a short while. Once on the ground, Wave manages to slow down Sonic with the gravity field generator.

As the Rogues penetrate the Garden, they observe that it’s “a vessel of some kind;” I’ll spare you the lame joke about it. Once inside the control room, the key flies out of Jet’s hand and they’re greeted by a rather minimalist android. Before the conversation goes very far, Sonic crashes the party and gets to sit in on two pages of exposition. Turns out that when the late, unlamented A.D.A.M. built the original nanite city, it was built on top of the Garden, which is in reality a spaceship.

Check, please!

Anybody who’s read my reviews over the years knows there’s one sure way to get on my last good nerve: bring space aliens into a Sonic story where they’re simply not needed. Thanks a load, Tracy.

Cutting to the chase, the Garden/spaceship begins levitating in a direct ripoff of the climax of “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” It’s also in preparation to going to warp by means of a black hole generator. The downside is that the black hole will destroy all of Mobius in the process, and that’ll REALLY mess up the real estate values. As for Battle Lord the Unnumbered (Editorial must’ve noticed the error in the previous issue and decided that discretion is the better part of editing so they’re simply dropping the number now), he has grappling hooks fired at the spaceship, thinking they can hitch a ride. Since the flagship can’t get in touch with the Rogues, Battle Lord the Numberless immediately assumes that Jet is to blame for whatever is going wrong with his plan, and he sends Speedy to board the spaceship and do something about it. You’d think he would give Speedy a bit more to work with, but they’re closing in on the end of this story so let’s forget about the details.

Meanwhile, Jet and Wave realize that they’re on borrowed time, while Sonic breaks out of Storm’s bear hug. Jet tries passing himself off as a descendant of the Babylon aliens in order to change the robot’s directive, but no luck. And as if things weren’t nuts enough, Speedy shows up to gloat at Jet. But even Sonic has had enough so he beats Speedy to the punch by simply removing the key to the ship himself and smashing it by … spin-dashing into it. OK, whatever. Sonic then bails out, followed by the Rogues and Speedy as the ship loses altitude and settles down on a convenient mountaintop. Because the flagship is still attached, however, it’s going to get messy for the Armada as well so they abandon ship. The Battle Lord still blames the Rogues for all this.

OK, only two pages left. Sonic reconnects with his people while Naugus literally pops back into the story while talking to his posse. Sonic thinks that now would be a good time to kick some bird butt and heads for the mountains. As for the Rogues, Jet is convinced that the birds are descended from the aliens. Why them and not any of the other species on Mobius, I don’t know. And guess what? I care even less.

HEAD: Before I discuss the similarities between this story arc and both “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” and the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “The Chase,” let me discuss how this arc reminds me of a different movie entirely.

After having starred in the first two “Die Hard” movies, Bruce Willis asked himself the fatal question “How hard can this be?” Along with Robert Kraft, Willis wrote a story that eventually became the 1991 motion picture “Hudson Hawk.” It was a painfully bad picture, an attempt at an action-comedy that cost $70 million, only grossed $17 million domestically, and scored 22 percent at rottentomatoes.com. All because an actor tried to do a writer’s job.

Tracy Yardley! is one hell of an artist but as a writer his work is pure hell. This was his first attempt at a Sonic story, and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. When he upgraded the Battle Lord to supervillain status for no good reason, I started to have my doubts. When he upgraded the Battle Lord to supervillain status AND lost track of his accession number I knew there was something seriously wrong here. And the ripoff of “Crystal Skull” only sealed the deal.

As for “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” a lot of people reacted to that movie in a way that can be summed up in three words: “A refrigerator? Seriously?” If you don’t get that, you might want to skip the rest of the Head section. Me, I could accept the refrigerator. I could live with Indiana Jones fighting Commies instead of Nazis. Heck, I could even live with Shia LaBeouf’s dollar-store James Dean impersonation. But when they brought in space aliens, I was like “Space aliens? Seriously?” To borrow a line from Disney’s “Bolt”: “Ridonkulous!”

I know Tracy Yardley! needed a different payoff than the one the Sonic Riders game provided: that the key only operated a flying carpet. Not only does he borrow the space aliens idea whole-cloth from “Crystal Skull,” but he also ups the ante by making Jet a True Believer in the notion that the avian Mobians are descended from the aliens.

Which brings us to “The Chase.” In this ep, Capt. Picard sets off on a quest to solve a puzzle left behind after his mentor in archaeology (no, NOT Indiana Jones!) is killed in an attack by Cardassians, which is still preferable to being intercepted by Kardashians. In the end, Picard and a motley crew of enemies stumble upon an ancient recorded message that spells out why the various races in Star Trek don’t share the biodiversity of the aliens who hang out in the Mos Eisley cantina. It seems that a long time ago a humanoid race spread genetic souvenirs of itself throughout the Alpha Quadrant, which means that humans, Cardassians, Klingons and Romulans/Vulcans all share the same genetic alien-based heritage.

This view of an extra-terrestrial genesis received its most pseudo-scientific expression in Erich von Daniken’s 1968 book “Chariots of the Gods?” It lists a number of archaeological artifacts as proof, mostly ambiguous inscriptions and legends and, yes, even a crystal skull. As a way of getting around one of the problems with classic evolutionary theory (How to get from no-life to life), it’s hardly conclusive and simply shifts the notion of Intelligent Design from a belief in God to a belief in E.T.

And it’s a faith that Jet has embraced with the fervor of a Fox Mulder. Ever since the “Trouble in Paradise” arc, I’ve gotten a sort of comic fascist/racist vibe off the birds, especially after Speedy seemed to take it as a personal affront that Tails could fly. But now Tracy Yardley! has sort of validated the prejudice, unless Archie plans to revisit this plot point somewhere down the road and, with any luck, stop this insanity.

Mind you, I think having a fascist/racist enemy in the Battle Birds could work in this comic. It’s certainly a step up from generic world domination as a motive. But then Tracy gilds the lily two times over by making the Battle Lord a super and by dragging in the alien subplot when it served no real purpose in this story.

The Rogues managed to switch allegiances twice and still emerge unscathed, though Jet now sees himself as some kind of star child. He ought to go into business for himself operating a saucer cult. The crashed alien ship would make a suitable ashram for him and his followers.

Honestly, it’s bad enough for Tracy to copy someone else’s homework to tie this together, but this just undercuts the entire story arc. I mean, once you ask the readers to believe in UFOs, you’ve as much as said “That’s all I got.” We were down this dead end street with Karl Bollers and I honestly thought we’d never end up back here. Head Score: 3.

EYE: Tracy Austin! does his usual impeccable job in the art department. I noticed, however, that Sonic looks angry most of the time. I know he’s got a lot on his mind, such as what happened to Sally and the Armada cavalierly destroying the New Mobitropolis castle in order to get to the Babylon Garden. Personally, I think it’s because even Sonic can’t believe he landed in the middle of this steaming pile. Eye Score: 9.

HEART: The essence of the Heart factor is emotional involvement with the story. It’s about not simply entertaining the reader but making them care about the characters and situations. I just wanted to remind you of that. Heart Score: n/a

SONIC SPIN: We learn that the Battle Birds are third generation, spawned for the Tails Adventure game for Game Gear, then tweaked by Jon Gray and again by Tracy Yardley! Tracy goes into more detail in the Sonic Super Special #2. I hope he managed to include an apology.

FAN ART: Benjamin gives us Speedy, Loren draws the Rogues, and Joel does a very impressive Sonic.

FAN FUNNIES: Shaheed imagines Eggman going to great lengths to destroy Sonic and his friends. He’s undone, however, by his own great width. It’s a good gag, and a reminder that Silver and Blaze make a cute couple.

OFF-PANEL: Turns out Babylon Garden is a vegetable garden. I guess that’s Angelus making like the Jolly Purple Giant.

FAN MAIL: Dylan says he has a “few questions” but Editorial only lets him ask one: did Sonic and friends get sent to the game world. Short answer: “Sort of, but not quite.” I think it would take the guys down in Legal to adequately explain why they did what they did. Stephen finds the Armada more interesting than the Rogues (I have similar unlikability issues about Scourge). And Matt is told that Silver used a Time Stone rather than a Sol Emerald two story arcs ago.