Sonic #92 [Mar 2001]

Spaz/Harvo/Josh Ray cover: A supercharged Monkey Khan, eyes glowing and body discharging electricity like crazy, dominates the cover in a worm's-eye-view pose as he stands before Sonic, holding his staff in his hands. Sonic appears to be beckoning Khan inside one of the space ships to discuss something with him. At Khan's feet the cloud he rides is rendered in traditional Asian swirls. Remember everything I said about how the cover of S89 was a pretty good cover despite the fact that it had no relationship to the story inside? Well, it's almost the same story here: this is a GREAT cover with no relationship to the story inside. It's way better!

"The Wrath of Khan"

Story: Karl Bollers; Art: Michael Higgins; Ink: Jim Amash and Pam Eklund; Color: Frank Gagliardo; Lettering: Michael Higgins; Editorial: G-Force.

"Planet Mobius, where a lone figure trudges across a desert wasteland..."

[Insert that irritating sound of a needle being lifted off of an old-fashioned record here]

Don't you hate it when someone screws up in the first panel of the first page? I mean, it's no secret that this is Monkey Khan, right? It's his name in the story title, right? He was featured prominently on the cover, right? And here he's shown walking two days and nights across a desert, right? WRONG! He's Monkey Khan, for cryin' out loud! And as Frank Strom or anyone even remotely familiar with Asian mythology will tell you, one of his trademarks is that he's a cloud rider! Pat Spaziante remembered enough to at least HINT at that in the cover art. So what business does he have "trudging" anywhere at all?

I recently posted a question on Ken Penders' message board. Ken had done some artwork for Disney Adventure magazine, as had Steven Butler. It appeared in an issue highlighting the film "The Emperor's New Groove." Curious about the difference in working conditions, I asked how working for Disney was different from working for Archie. The only reply came from Bob Repas, whose response in its entirety was: "Well, for one thing, Disney believes in model sheets. Lots and lots of model sheets. :)" Despite the emoticon at the end of the sentence, he sort of makes it sound like a BAD thing. But I can guess WHY Disney uses "lots and lots of model sheets": they don't want to degrade the Disney name by attaching it to careless work. And forgetting THIS part of the Monkey Khan character was nothing short of careless. An editor who was on top of the Sonic material would have spotted this early on and called it to Karl and Mike's attention. And although the cloud appears later in the story, to miss it at this point does not speak well for the rest of the story.

BTW, according to the narrator he's been "trudging" like this for a little over two Earth weeks now, or for 14.6 days assuming one Mobian day is 24 hours long. I like to think he's not so dense that the thought of flying instead of trudging hadn't occurred to him at some point in all that time. The sequence could have been just as impressive if he'd been flying. Seriously, the more you think about it, the more you're left with the impression that Khan couldn't find his tail with both hands in a room full of mirrors.

We cut from there to Robotnik, who apparently has succumbed to a full-blown case of attention deficit disorder. Literally in the space of two panels he goes from raving about the Sword's disappearance (neatly forgetting the previous issue when he tossed the thing aside and stormed off-panel) to laughing like a psycho Santa Claus. I'm really starting to miss the old-model Robotnik, who knew when to be cunning rather than broadly melodramatic. In this case, Eggdude is acting just plain nuts.

Now we cut to the THIRD plot point in as many pages. The good news: Karl FINALLY gets around to dealing with the stupid space ships that have hovered like gnats in the summertime around the plot since I don't know when. The bad news: this isn't a First Contact situation, which would have been halfway compelling. Instead, it's the return of Colin Kintobor, last seen in "I, Robotnik" (S72). Let's bring the newbies up to speed, they desperately need it. Actually, I think we ALL could stand to have our memories refreshed:

As I stated in my review of the aforementioned story, Robotnik's self-serving satellite broadcast introduced "an out-of-left-field element of sibling rivalry involving other Overlanders into the Ultimate Annihilator to make sure it was annihilating properly." Since Colin (who presumably is on the same world as Robotnik and doesn't need an interplanetary craft to begin with) is/was the Justice Minister or whatever, bro Ivo hot-foots it out of there only to be taken into the bosom of King Max's court. Or something. I'm having trouble figuring out where the Great War comes into this, as nobody's sat down and presented a coherent explanation of who the Os are and where they come from. The more I try to understand the back story the more impossible it is to believe. Maybe there are some ten-year-old boys (Archie's key demographic for the book) who can explain the back story to me because I sure don't get it!

OK, back to the Os, who for the time being (let us note) have 4 fingers on each hand. Colin is asked by Lady Agnes (who appears to be old enough to be his mother) why they landed here of all places. The inability of the male to ask for directions: a sure sign of being a hyoomon. He checks with his assistant, Cheesehead (well, it's really "Cheddarmund" but I think MY name is more fun!), who tells him: "Criminey Pete, we were programmed to land outside da biggest city dere, yah hey!" Just then, one of the kids on this family outing discovers Sonic, but before Colin can act like a big shot Sonic gets Granny Agnes out of the way of a poorly-drawn ComBot.

Back in Knothole, Geoffrey is ranting about the disappearance of the Sword of Acorns, which isn't exactly news. Geoffrey doesn't name names but Rotor (who only just got back into town, remember) mentions that Sonic's gone to retrieve it. Mina starts coughing like one of the Deltas in the disciplinary hearing scene from "Animal House." Geoffrey starts displaying a personality more befitting a Gestapo officer in a bad World War II movie. Oh yeah, THAT'S gonna cement his relationship with Sally!

No, Robotnik isn't watching "Incredible Hulk" reruns on the Sci-Fi Channel; that's Colin appearing on a monochrome monitor. You'd think an evil genius could afford HDTV, or at least color! Robotnik continues to lose his grip. Sample dialogue: "My native race...Oh, I've missed you so...I'll roboticize him, too! I'll turn them all into my mechanical servants!" All this on the same page. By this point the story line is suffering such a serious meltdown that this kind of gear-changing, accomplished by Robotnik at the top of his lungs, fails to generate any interest. It's not even compelling any more, just weird.

Sonic tries to explain to the Os why he intervened with the ComBot. Colin, in turn, has his doubts about Sonic's trustworthiness. This is the only part of this sorry story line that rings true. Colin's distrust of Sonic (and subsequent trust of Robotnik) appears to be based on the fact that they're roughly the same species. Notwithstanding Gene Roddenberry's optimism about relations with other races on other worlds which he brought to the Star Trek continuity and embodied in the United Federation of Planets, Colin's attitude is a little closer to real life. C. S. Lewis put it best:



...to be frank, I have no pleasure in looking forward to a meeting between humanity and any alien rational species. I observe how the white man has hitherto treated the black, and how, even among civilized men, the stronger have treated the weaker. If we encounter in the depths of space a race, however innocent and amiable, which is technologically weaker than ourselves, I do not doubt that the same revolting story will be repeated. We shall enslave, deceive, exploit or exterminate; at the very least we shall corrupt it with our vices and infect it with our diseases.

We are not yet fit to visit other worlds. We have filled our own with massacre, torture, syphilis, famine, dust bowls and with all that is hideous to ear or eye. Must we go on to infect new realms?

Of course we might find a species stronger than ourselves. In that case we shall have met, if not God, at least God's judgment in space. But...we shall think it just our bad luck if righteous creatures rightly destroy those who come to reduce them to misery. ["The Seeing Eye," from Christian Reflections. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 1967, p173]



So Colin's reaction to Sonic, one of immediate distrust, is understandable. Especially since they were beaten by the local furballs during the Great War over 10 years ago. But THAT plot point doesn't occur to Colin. I wonder if it even occurred to Karl.

But just when the plot gets somewhat interesting, enter The Big Giant Floating Head (and I'm really getting sick to death of THAT plot device, I want to tell you!). Robotnik lies through his teeth about the purpose of his ComBots (now renamed "ProtectoBots") and how Sonic represents "the furry menace." "Furry menace," "Red menace," "Yellow horde," it's an old familiar tune. Sonic can't even rebut the argument because at that moment, as a gift to Robotnik, a badly-drawn Monkey Khan drops in. As if to prove Robotnik's point, Khan throws his scepter at The Big Giant Floating Head. All this accomplishes is that it convinces the Os that Robotnik is telling the truth. Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Back in Knothole, Geoffrey is getting ready to give Mina the third degree, but before he can really sour his image in the eyes of the fans Hershey steps in to do the Good Cop-Bad Cop routine. It's an old interrogation ploy. First you're confronted with someone who comes on strong, breathing fire and smoke, then he's replaced by someone who's so reasonable you're tempted to go along just so you won't be thrown back to the guy threatening to beat you with a rubber hose. Anyway, Good Cop Hershey reports to Bad Cop Geoffrey that Sonic indeed kyped the sword. As compensation for acting like a heel, Geoffrey gets to fire off a small caliber pun: "Hershey, I could kiss you!" She's not impressed by it, either. Oh, yeah, he's gonna make a GREAT romantic interest!

We get two more pages of Khan and Sonic mixing it up. They deliver some interesting, revealing dialogue that doesn't benefit the Os in the slightest. The Os compensate for this, however, by growing a fifth finger. The fact that they've gone from four-fingered to five-fingered IN THE SAME STORY could be explained by the fact that the story DID have two inkers. But that's an explanation, which is NOT the same thing as an excuse. There IS no excuse!

BACK in Knothole (once more, Karl bops back and forth between scenes at a dizzying rate), Rotor finally runs into Tails who at least goes to the trouble of high-fiving his old comrade, which was more than Sonic was allowed to do. Tails is so overcome by the moment that his tails disappear.

His tails disappear!

I don't know whether Michael Higgins didn't bother penciling them in, or whether Jim Amash or Pam Eklund didn't bother inking them in, or whether Frank Gagliardo failed to realize that something was missing from that panel or maybe he did but didn't bother inking them in himself before doing the coloring, or whether Justin Gabrie was even AWARE that the system that's supposed to produce a comic book completely broke down at this point. A tailless Tails; that's like a barefoot Sonic! And I count at least four people who were in a position to make this right. And they didn't!

If you've read my Best-Worst List for 2000, you know that I went off on a rant about what passes for editorial oversight at Archie Comics. Since then I've wondered whether I wasn't being too harsh on the editors. I haven't heard anything like a rebuttal from Ken Penders, Jim Fry, or anyone otherwise connected with Archie Comics concerning my critique of the way they do things in Mamaroneck. But still I had some self-doubts about my criticism.

Well, those doubts died like flies in the winter when I saw that one panel. It neatly summarizes the slipshod, careless, and just plain half-assed approach Archie Comics has taken to producing the Sonic comic these days! They simply don't care any more. If long-time fans are buying the comic these days, they're no longer doing so out of the hope that the quality will improve. It's out of a morbid curiosity. They KNOW that the next issue is going to be a train wreck; they just want to see how bad.

Michael Higgins can't even be bothered to produce anything original for the interlude on page 14 between Sally and her mom. Instead, he practically photocopies Jim Fry's artwork from page 7 of S89's "Thicker Than Water" and reworks the characters so that Elias turns into his own mother!

Which is unforgivable in itself, except that Karl Bollers is busy committing a continuity blunder of his own. He has Sally describe Robotnik as "an Overlander scientist [who] came to town posing as an ally." While I don't blame Karl for wanting to forget Endgame, he also neglected to mention one of the key plot points for the Sonic continuity: that Robotnik had been in the service of the Mobian monarchy during the Great War as War Minister, serving under the name "Julian." It was after the Great War against the Overlanders (about which Sally says nothing, either) that he staged his coup d'etat and started using the name "Robotnik." Given the quality of this story, though, I'm not surprised that it slipped his mind.

Back at the fight, Karl is too busy being clever, giving Sonic and Khan snatches of dialogue from "Star Trek II." They're so busy fighting that they don't notice that the Os have scooted into Robotropolis until too late. Then Khan heads off...where? Toward the city? Toward Knothole? As far away from Mamaroneck, New York, as possible? Who knows? Who cares?

HEAD: The sprinkling of quotes from "Star Trek Two: The Wrath of Khan" are the least of this story's problems. Karl fails to put across Khan's character or to give him any real reason to show up except to fight Sonic to a draw and then leave. Robotnik hams it up, making himself ridiculous, but does manage to turn in a well-done two-faced performance for the benefit of the Overlanders. Speaking of the Os, just why ARE they here exactly? I know that Karl doesn't have to answer that question, pleading "loose continuity," but it would go a long way toward explaining the presence of a kid and a little old lady on this expedition. Geoffrey becomes less and less appealing by the minute; I keep expecting him to tell Sally, "Sorry, luv, just got a better deal from Robotnik. Later!" This is one sorry piece of writing, and yet more proof that the comic is going downhill faster than Picabo Street. Head Score: 2.

EYE: Michael Higgins does a respectable job of drawing the Os, even if he can't make up his mind whether they should have four or five fingers. But the only way he's able to draw a decent-looking furry (and this is still a furry book!) is to "model" his work after Jim Fry's. It's the same kind of "modeling" George Harrison was accused of when people noticed a resemblance between his "My Sweet Lord" and "He's So Fine" by the Chiffons. It may be just as well; when drawing characters freehand, Higgins blesses his furries with arms that look like pipe cleaners. I'm reminded of the "Stick Figure Theater" shorts on MTV's "Liquid Television." Higgins did double-duty as artist and letterer on this story. Stick to lettering, Mike. Eye score: 2.

HEART: Karl sets up four different plots here: the arrival of Overlanders on Mobius, Monkey Khan's quest for vengeance, Geoffrey's renewed pursuit of Sonic (which I had hoped was put to rest for good after Endgame), and whatever the heck is going on between Sally and her mom. And that's not even counting the fact that Kodos is now in possession of the Sword of Acorns. But that's not important because we have a hard time giving a rat's rump about ANYTHING that's going on at this point. The Os get snookered by Robotnik, and we're tempted to think "Serves 'em right!" for mistrusting Sonic. Khan drifts into and out of the story for no real reason other than to create a diversion. It's not happening. NONE of it! It's pure junk loaded into a shotgun and sprayed all over sixteen pages. In the final splash page, Sonic may as well be roaring out his frustration at what's happened to a halfway-decent comic book with nobody at the helm: "Somebody kill me now! Please!!" Heart Score: 2.



"Premonition"

Story: Ken Penders; Art: Ron Lim; Ink: Jim Amash; Coloring: Frank Gagliardo; Lettering: Vickie Williams; Editors In Name Only: G-Force.

"Sonic is dreaming."

I remember the old Steve Canyon comic strips where Milt Caniff would indulge in various fantasy sequences, and the text box "Steve is dreaming" would always appear in the first panel of each strip. What Sonic dreams here is that he's being chased by a bright red locomotive. He runs into a tunnel. That's the first of eight pages. Let's all pause and try to interpret this dream. I can think of several explanations; feel free to come up with your own:



1. Sonic says (later in the story) that this is all a result of having eaten one too many chili dogs. This was the explanation Ebenezer Scrooge tried out when confronted with Marley's ghost in "A Christmas Carol." "There's more of gravy than of grave about you," Scrooge tells his visitor before Marley starts howling his head off.



2. Sonic knows the comic is no longer under anything remotely resembling control. This is a premonition of impending doom.



3. Sonic realizes that he'll never be as popular as Harry Potter, and he dreams that he's going to be run down by the Hogwarts Express.



4. C'mon, Sonic's 16 years old and he's dreaming of a train entering a tunnel. Dr. Freud, call your office.



5. Ken Penders couldn't even fill eight pages, the premise for Sonic Shuffle is so thin. So he needed to fill one page with something remotely interesting to him. And he hasn't had a chance to indulge his interest in trains since S31's "A Robot Rides The Rails."



But no matter how you slice this baloney, Sonic winds up in the presence of yet one more oversized piece of costume jewelry. This isn't a Chaos Emerald, though, this is a Precioustone, "the gateway to Maginaryworld." And already my spell-checker is getting disgruntled.

Sonic, along with Amy Rose, Knuckles and Tails, is briefed by Lumina, who looks like a pastel-colored Nightmaren. Sonic has trouble believing that she had summoned him subconsciously; I can't believe that Ken has used this my-mind-called-to-you plot TWICE recently, first in "Naugus Games" (SSS15) and now here. The villain of this piece, thankfully, is NOT a cheesy wizard but Void, who actually looks kind of classy in the screen shots I've seen of him. By draining the Precioustone, Void has despoiled Maginaryworld, blighting the land and ruining the property values. Lumina doesn't explain exactly how Sonic is supposed to be the champion who defeats Void and saves Maginaryworld; that's what the game is for. Good luck.

HEAD: Sonic Shuffle (the game) has a premise that's as thin as they come: the four playables, who are the characters in this story, draw cards to see how many spaces they can move across a game board. Hence the "shuffle." As the characters move across the board they set off adventures, play mini-games and collect various precioustones.

Why the preoccupation with jewelry? Why have we Sonic fans been up to our ears in Chaos Emeralds, Master Emeralds, and other gemstones? Mainly because of Japanese mythology.

OK, I can see I'm going to have to explain that one.

Jewels, specifically the necklace worn by the Sun Goddess, Amaterasu, are part of the symbolic iconography of shinto (a sword and a mirror play equally important roles). They serve as a kind of short-hand, the way a fruit tree, a snake, and a couple of naked people are short-hand for the account of the temptation and fall in the book of Genesis. And it isn't just the Sonicverse that's made use of jewels: in the anime "Tenchi Muyo!" there are the jewels embedded in Ryoko's wrists from which she draws power, Ryo-Ohki assumes a jewel-like form to transform into Ryoko's spaceship, and in the "Tenchi in Tokyo" continuity there are the seven jewels divided up between Tenchi and each of the alien girls in his life. So the Precioustones have a venerable history in the Japanese imagination.

Which probably won't help you play "Sonic Shuffle," or even understand this story. Ken has had to weave this story out of some pretty flimsy cloth, and does the best job possible. The fact that one whole page went to the locomotive interlude gives you an ideas of how little he had to work with. Head Score: 5, but not for want of trying.

EYE: I continue to be underwhelmed by Ron Lim's artwork, especially considering that Lumina and Void are rather visually striking characters. Void especially, with that quasi-Celtic weaving on his clothes, deserved more of an appearance. He actually looks like a villain the creatives could have FUN with, if ever given the chance. But this is Sonic's comic, and he continues to look rather pedestrian. It doesn't help that he's only allowed two expressions, surprised and annoyed, but it's still a lightweight effort. Eye Score: 4.

HEART: Hey, this is basically a commercial. N/A



The return of Off-Panel: We waited three months for THIS?!?

Sonic-Grams: No comment on the cover story, a reminder of the resumption of the Knuckles story next month (with Ron Lim taking over for the recently-departed Steven Butler), and Fry back in to do the cover story art next month. Letters: Alex Gonzalez is told that the Specials went the way of the dodo, though the fans agree that SSS15 was more like a turkey. What bothers me about the demise of the Specials is that now the creatives have no more outlet for Sonic Kids stories, which were actually better than some of the cover efforts lately. Tanya Stowell asks which spelling of "Tikal" is correct; hint: it's the one they DIDN'T use by the end of the story arc. Anton Novak is told why Amy Rose and Sonic wouldn't make a good couple, and whomever does this page continues to lobby for the Sonic/Mina pairing. Big mistake, guys! The fans are gonna hate it! You wanna try listening for once before the book gets terminally screwed? Allana Lyle is told that there's a chance that Evil Sonic and the Sonic Underground trio could return if readers demand it, which is a bald-faced lie: the fans demanded the return of the Knuckles title and it's not gonna happen.

Fan Art: Daniel Harris does a very nice mood piece of Bunnie and Antoine in some secluded rendezvous, Melissa Zayas does a roll call of the girls who were featured in SSS11 (and a number who weren't, though Dulcy isn't part of the gang), and Andrew Berry's drawing asks "Could this be the last of Tails?" Ask the management, Andy.