#45 [April 1997]
     Spaz cover: A prophetic cover by Spaz.  Notice all the
munitions in the background?  Keep them in mind while you're
reading this bomb.
     "Guerrilla Thriller"
     Story: Angelo DeCesare; Art: Dave Manak
     Since I get the Sonic comics later than most on this list,
I've had a chance to read some early comments on some issues when
they've been posted.  Early returns on "Guerrilla Thriller" have
led me to ask myself: "Good grief, just how bad IS this thing?"
     It's that bad.  Worse.  Let's say right out of the box that
the art is some of the worst I've ever seen ANYWHERE.  But let's
try to look past that and summarize the plot:
     After a one-page recap of Mobie's introduction, we lose sight
of him for seven pages, during which the reader can pause and give
thanks.  An off-model Uncle Chuck overhears Robotnik and
an off-model Snively plotting to establish a command center in the
"Mobian Jungle".  Because Robotnik has a serious phobia about the
jungle, Snively suggests a scorched-earth device called the "Eco-
Destroyer" which sounds like something he got at a Captain Planet
garage sale.  Uncle Chuck delivers the news to the Freedom Fighters
in Knothole.  Carefully study the two center panels on page 3,
particularly the arms on Bunnie and Uncle Chuck.  Is it me or are
their forearms somewhat larger than their upper arms?  This is
straight out of Popeye Physiology 101!  Sorry, I had promised not
to digress and talk about the so-called artwork of this story.  It
ain't easy.  The Knothole gang splits up in groups of two to warn
the jungle dwellers.
     Once in the jungle Sonic and Rotor come upon a bunch of rare
narcolyptus berries.  Unfortunately Sonic had already sampled the
strange fruit and was thus rendered "hors de combat" as Antoine
would say.  The fact that we've just come upon something that can
slow Sonic down is the ONLY redeeming feature of the plot.  Anyway,
Rotor is the only one awake when look-alike gorillas (wardrobe
courtesy of Rambo's of Beverly Hills) jump them.
     Rotor is set to work in the gorillas' jungle compound doing double 
duty in Weapons R&D as well as in the mess hall.  Sonic tries making a
deal, offering to give them military hardware in exchange for their
freedom.  He thinks he can pawn off some of their own stockpile of
weapons as new stuff.  But the scam doesn't work any better for
Sonic than it did for the Mobians who tried it in my fanfic "Space
Case" [Whoa! Plot gridlock!] Busted!
     Once again under lock and key, Sonic and Rotor are interrupted
by a gorilla stampede as the great apes hot-foot it out of the
compound upon the approach of the Eco-Destroyer.  Snively shows up
wearing a lampshade on his head.  Just then reinforcements show up
in the form of Tails, Bunnie, and the alleged hero of this spiel,
Mobie.  The gorillas who didn't run away are fast asleep since
Rotor had spiked their rations with narcolyptus berries...hmmmm,
didn't I see that plot twist in a Mr. Peabody cartoon?  Anyway,
before Snively can fire up the device, Tails flies up to the
control room to distract him.  Sonic, meanwhile, has "loosened a
few thousand screws and bolts" with a handy crescent wrench which
just happens to be the right size!  The Eco-Destroyer falls apart,
the gorillas apologize and the reader is glad it's over.
     I can just imagine the story conference at Archie for this
one: "Let's see, we still need a cover story for #45.  I know we're
just marking time until "Endgame" but let's set up the readers
emotionally for Sally's death.  Now the hardcores over on the Net
have been saying all along that the very idea of killing off Sally
is ugly, stupid, and pointless.  Let's see...ugly, stupid, and
pointless.  Hey!  Let's do another story about Mobie!  You remember
Mobie, the cave whatsis?  But we're under deadline here.  Angelo,
you've got thirty minutes to write it.  Dave, you've got 30 minutes
to do the art and Jay Oliveras will do the inking.  Spaz, you've
got an hour to do the cover.  We'll just have to fax everything to
the printers up in Canada and hope that those boneheads don't turn
everybody orange this time!"
     If they HAD misprinted it and turned everybody orange, it
probably would have made for a more entertaining piece.  This thing
is a mess!  The inking looks awful -- way too thin in spots, as if
some of the ink was erased along with the pencil roughs.  Whether
Dave was in a hurry or whether the Dave and Jay team just doesn't
work is debatable.  The story is basic enough to fill sixteen
pages, but feels just as slap-dash as the artwork.  The first comic
of the year and already we have a serious contender for Worst
Single Issue Story and Art for 1997.  A kid could do a better job! 
How's THAT for a segue to...
     Fan Art: If it weren't for what's going to happen with #47,
I'd suggest to Archie that they get someone on the next flight to
Barcelona and sign up Eva Richarte Prieto at once!  Not only does
she do a VERY on-model Bunnie (more so than most other artists) but
her drawing of Sally is simply GREAT!  I wonder whether even
Mawhinney could pull off that particular blend of cuteness and
sexiness.  If I knew anything about Web pages and scanning, I'd get
that picture of Sally on there in a heartbeat.
     Find Your Name: the usual.
     "Knuckles Quest 3: A Land of Dark, A Knight of Virtue"
     Story: Ken Penders and Kent Taylor; Art: Ken Penders
     After failing to find the King's sword at the home of Merlin
Prower the Charlatan, we find Knuckles performing menial labor for 
a shapely female rabbit.  Must've seemed like a smart career move
at the time.  Actually, the change is so abrupt that Ken & Kent
need TWO PAGES of exposition to fill us in--and when your story is
only eight pages to begin with, you can appreciate how much has
gone on since our last visit.  Quick recap: met the Ancient Walkers
(who are now merely disembodied masks), dead end at Merlin's, quick 
acknowledgment of "Black and Blue..." (#44), enlisted the aid of the
Chaotix before being captured by the Sorcerer (a black cat,
possibly the one named Hershey who's threatening to become a series
regular) and the aforementioned Enchantress.  Those of us with
dirty minds can gaze at the last panel on page 4 and speculate as
to what other kinds of "tasks" the Enchantress may have made
Knuckles perform.  OK, that's enough of that.  Then comes an entire
page where Knuckles does...NOTHING.  Well, nothing on his own,
anyway.  The action resumes on page 6 when the horse-faced Paladin,
"Sir Connery", storms the castle.  And what do you wanna bet someone
on the writing staff was watching a video of "First Knight" when
they came up with THAT uninspired name?  One flash from a magic
sword and Knuckles is free of the spell of the Enchantress, which
allows him to duel with the Sorcerer using equal parts cleverness
and brawling.  I'll spare you Sir C's exposition, except to say
that his sword is NOT the king's sword; to stay on the path for
THAT piece of cutlery, he tells Knuckles to find Mathias Poe (the
raven wizard--like anyone who's taken American Lit couldn't have
figured that one out!) and Damocles the Elder (who by process of
elimination has to be the goat-headed Alchemist).  They're supposed
to be back on the Floating Island's "other caverns filled with
chaos".  OK, Knuckles, click the heels of your sneakers together
and say: "There's no place like home, there's no place like
home...."
     I swear, I really wanted to LIKE this one.  The encounter with
Merlin was a perfect set-up.  But we've got more mystical
archetypes, more dead ends, and way too much mumbo-jumbo by this
point.  In trying to make the series their own by cutting it adrift
from the DiC set-up, I'm afraid Ken & Kent are going out too far on
a long, thin limb.  I'd like to know if any of the other readers
even CARE about these new characters; I sure don't.  Except for
Merlin, and then only because I care enough about Tails to want to
know what the connection is between the two.  These characters are
as stiff and two-dimensional as the cards in a "Magic: The 
Gathering..." deck.  I know, I know, Ken and Kent only had 8
pages to play around with.  It's still a bad sign when you expect 
archetypes to substitute for characters who have actual
personalities: Hershey is a total cipher, The Enchantress seems
like an off-the-rack ice maiden, and Sir Connery is just a generic
Good Guy whose lines could have been scripted for Dudley Do-Right! 
The story arc isn't over and already I'm getting tired of it.  I
finished the story with a feeling of: "Let's find the danged sword
and move on to new business!"  And that's no way to hold readers.
     Sonic-Grams: Fred plugs the Dark Legion again and pumps #46 in
EXTREMELY heavy-duty prose.  All this talk about "heated
confrontations concerning each other's loyalties" makes it sound
like a drama scripted by Edward Albee or Tennessee
Williams.  I only hope they don't screw around with the Wolf Pack
too badly.  Jared Matte raves about #39 ("Rage Against The
Machine"), and Justin Barrett sticks up for Knuckles and "Mecha
Madness".  Long-time Netster Ruby the Echidna gets a word in on
"Notes From The Net."  As the days dwindle down to a precious
few....