Sonic #71 [Jun 1999] "This is the end, beautiful friend/This is the end, my only friend...." No, wait, that was "Apocalypse Now." THIS is the Spaz/Photo Shop cover. Question: How is Sonic able to get any traction wearing sneakers with no tread? "Retro Activity" Writer: Karl Bollers; Art: Steven Butler; Ink: Pam Eklund; Lettering: Jeff Powell; Coloring: Frank Gagliardo; Editorial: G- Force. If you think I'm going to go along with the whole "backwards issue" gimmick, you're goofy! Just because the boys at Archie decided to have "fun" (Justin Gabrie's term) with this issue, that doesn't mean that I'm going to disregard everything I've ever learned about story structure. It was enough of a headache for me just trying to make sense of this thing, so I'm sparing you the trouble. So I'm being linear--sue me! The story opens (or closes) with the old satellite subplot, only this time Karl Bollers DOES bother to connect the dots in order to trace cause and effect. The satellite in question has picked up on a temporal anomaly on the surface of Mobius, which it proceeds to target with a ray of some sort. Meanwhile, King Max seems way happier to see Nate Morgan than either of his own kids. You know how people and their pets are, only in this case Nate's the pet. It appears I guessed right in that Elias's joining the rescue effort in the last issue was NOT the King's idea, and Sonic doesn't help matters any when he speaks up for Elias. But before Sonic can plant BOTH feet in his mouth, Sally comes in to tell Sonic "I think I hear your mother calling." There follows a page of exposition wherein Sonic and Sally engage in that age-old pastime of teenagers in any galaxy: talkin' 'bout their parents. Sally explains that her old man was not on full boil when Sonic saw him just now; she knows what THAT looks like, from "The Ultimatum" (S61). Karl then implies that Sonic HAS a relationship with his folks; it saves him and the other Archie writers the trouble of actually having to write about it, which to date none of them has done in any meaningful way. But before anyone realizes this, Karl changes the subject by turning the entrance to Knothole into a light show that makes the trip down the Great Oak Slide a longer and stranger trip than usual. They emerge in a Knothole which looks like that scene from Weird Al Yankovic's "Amish Paradise" video, where Al is moving forward while everyone and everything else is moving the other way. This is sort of good news in that Knothole has been three hours in the future ever since "Endgame", and this will give them a chance to get in sync with the rest of the planet. Maybe. Sally's got a Bad Feeling about this development, and decides to head for the surface. Unfortunately, Sonic and Sally discover that they can't get out the way they came in. Sonic then has a flashback to "Sonic Blast" and in a burst of scientific mishegoss, explains that they can get out if he vibrates the molecules in his blue bod fast enough. Never mind that molecules are always in motion anyway. A tip of the Freedom Fighter fedora to AndyVVV@aol.com for recognizing the source, and to Karl Bollers for Sal's deadpan reaction: "You're kidding me, right?" Sonic makes the trick work, but he's only able to make the trip solo. Unable to go back in after Sally, not knowing what's going on and with the light from the tunnel getting more intense, he scoots back to the castle. Nate then has a WHOLE LOTTA exposition which actually has some scientific basis to it: if the energy beam that's resetting Knothole doesn't cut off at the precise moment the two temporalities are back together on the same page of the hymnal, time will continue to collapse into a central point. When this happens to matter from decaying stars, it's called a "singularity." And if the temporal singularity is left unchecked, an uncontrolled present will start devouring both the past and the future, and they'll have to change the name of the place from "Knothole" to "Black Hole" because that's pretty much what they'll end up in. But being an all-purpose comic book sidekick and walking plot device, Nate just happens to have "one of the few Super Emeralds left" stashed in a nearby gunny sack. Gee, what are the odds? Acting on instructions from Nate, and dressed in a tacky jumpsuit that would have embarrassed Elvis during his Las Vegas years, Sonic takes off on yet another around-the-world tour, this time without benefit of a plane (it got swiped in the last issue, remember?). Under the influence of the Super Emerald and without the intervention of any power rings, he morphs into Super Sonic. But he doesn't stop there. Apparently every time he enters a different locality he morphs into something else. I know when in Rome you're supposed to do as the Romans do, but this is ridiculous! We get Ultra Sonic, Solar Sonic, Polar Sonic and Eco Sonic in rapid succession. It's so rapid, in fact, that Karl Bollers can't be bothered to explain what the point of any of these manifestations is. Thus Sonic criss-crosses the planet while "racing along with the planet's rotation" as the text helpfully informs us. However, from the accompanying drawing by Steve Butler we're left with the impression that Mobius rotates in any one of a number of directions. And anyone who saw "Superman" the movie knows that the best way to jazz with the time of a planet is to run/fly at the equator. In any event, this frenetic activity is sufficient to draw the time beam away from Knothole and toward Sonic, as if the beam were something intelligent and Sonic had somehow gotten its attention. I know it makes no sense, especially when you consider that Sonic could just as easily have grabbed hold of the emerald, charged into the beam, and hoped for the best. But the plot demands it. The beam hits Sonic on page 6 and we get a seriously rippled splash page (what in another venue would be called "the money shot"). This is sufficient to bring everything back to normal temporally, and now the residents of Knothole won't be missing any more dental appointments in town. Sonic, however, has suffered some side effects from his ordeal: his eyes are now green instead of brown, and he has buckles on his shoes, and he's going to stay that way. And THAT, boys and girls, was the POINT of this story! HEAD: Justin Gabrie credited "a popular sitcom" ("Seinfeld," for the hip-impaired amongst us) with the idea for the story structure. Personally, I would have preferred it if Karl Bollers had drawn inspiration from "All Good Things," the final "Star Trek: The Next Generation" ep where, in an apparent tribute to Patrick Stewart's acclaimed one-man production of "A Christmas Carol," we get to see the Picards of Enterprises Past, Present and Future. I honestly have never worked so hard to figure out a story, and I almost gave up at one point, thinking "I'm getting too old for this crap." The story finally started making sense once all the elements got realigned. And while Bollers was able to give Nate some credible scientific dialogue, the reason for Sonic's tearing all over creation was never coherently explained. That's because the REAL explanation would be comprehensible only to the most cynical amongst us. And I'll get to that in the "Heart" section. There IS a story in there, but the trick story structure doesn't make reading it any easier. At least Archie had the good sense not to sprinkle their advertisements throughout the story, which would have compounded the confusion; this thing was hard enough to slog through. Head Score: 5. EYE: Steven Butler is able to deliver the goods, if only because he didn't have to UNDERSTAND the story, he just had to draw it. Frank Gagliardo missed the aura surrounding Sonic and Sally in a couple panels on page 9, and the Before and After aerial views of Knothole at the top of page 2 are so similar that the question "WHAT blanket of energy?" comes to mind. And what's Solar Sonic doing with blue teeth? Eye Score: 7. HEART: A few weeks ago, during the telecast of the Oscars, Norman Jewison received the Irving Thalberg Award for the films he'd made during the past 40 years. What he said in his acceptance speech, as a challenge to the next generation of filmmakers, deserves to be remembered: "Just find some good stories...that move us to laughter and tears, and perhaps reveal a little truth about ourselves." I'm enough of an old fool to believe that these words should be taken seriously by ANY author, whether he/she is writing a novel or working to fill sixteen pages of a comic book every month. With all due respect to the art side of the comics industry, it's the story that's the skeleton upon which the muscle and skin are hung. Lose that, and you're left with a colorful blob. But "Retro Activity" didn't come to pass because there was a story that needed telling; it came to pass because there was a product that needed selling. Sega is getting ready to introduce Sonic Adventure for whatever game platform they've got on the market. Since they redesigned Sonic for the game, the word of Sega came unto Archie Comics, saying: "Redraw Sonic to match what he looks like in the new game. And these are what he morphs into in the different zones. End of discussion." THAT, brethren and sisters, is why this story came into existence: because Sega said so. Not that they aren't within their right as the owner and operator of Sonic the Hedgehog, but the bottom line is that this story, wherein a neglected plot point is written out of the continuity and the lead character gets a makeover, need never have happened. I suppose that the story is better than simply redrawing Sonic and presenting the new model as a _fait accompli_. Not that Sonic Comics hasn't been there and done that, either; it took a while for them to get Sally's coloring right in the beginning, and after straightening it out by Sonic #16, they've chosen to let that particular sleeping dog lie ever since. Still, I guess I can sympathize with Karl Bollers, and the trick story structure would make a certain level of sense if it was Karl's way of staying sane as he wrote this story while Sega figuratively held a gun to his head. When I saw Sonic's various incarnations in this story, my first thought was: "Just what we need: Sonic with multiple personalities!" Then I realized that Solar, Polar, Eco, Ultra, Sleepy, Dopey and Grumpy never really DID anything in the story anyway; they were never defined in any meaningful way. That's the problem I've had every time Super Sonic has appeared: What was the point? The ONLY reason Karl had to put these variations on the Sonic theme in the story is because Sonic morphs into these other characters when in the various zones of the new game. Sega might as well go all the way with the concept and turn the Sonic variations into Mobian Minatures or some other Beanie Baby knockoff, since their appearance in the story was pointless at best. For all of Karl's work at producing a trick story and Steve's work at illustrating it, this story exists as a commercial for the game, nothing more and nothing less. Heart Score: 2, if only for the scene where Sonic and Sally talk about their folks. Tails and Amy Rose "In The Beginning" Story: Ken Penders; Art: Art Mawhinney; Ink: Jim Amash; Lettering: Jeff Powell; Coloring: Barry Grossman; Editorial: G- Force. Tails, at great risk of contracting cooties, flies Amy Rose to the old library last seen in "The Library" (S65). Once there, they (and we) learn that the mysterious resident of the building is Jeremiah, a Great Dane with dalmatian spots. This is NOT the most exotic canine mix I've come across in real life. I once met a St. Bernard whose coat was the brilliant red of an Irish setter. And Bocephus, one of the dogs next door, is a Basset/Chow mix and looks like the walking/waddling definition of "design flaw." But I digress. Jeremiah, it turns out, is the grandson of the legendary artist/historian "Kirby." Well, it sounds classier than saying he wrote and illustrated comics, which was the job description of Jack Kirby, one of Ken Penders's major influences. After three pages of intro, we then get three pages of Mobian history: After a flash/explosion of some kind (Ken has since gone on record saying that this WILL be explained...some time down the road...as part of a canonical Mobian timeline), you get your basic cartoon evolutionary fast-forward. In this case, the echidnas are the top of the heap. We also get a nice drawing of the tree squirrels (note the bushy tails) facing off against the hedgehogs (who have yet to evolve gloves) in a retake of the waterhole scene from "2001: A Space Odyssey" in a panel that serves as Art Mawhinney's tribute to the late Stanley Kubrick. Jumping WAY forward and skipping over such trivial matters as the development of common speech, a tree squirrel named Alexander comes to the conclusion that the best interests of all species would be served through cooperation. The echidnas decline to join the party, awaiting the coming of their own spinoff comic book. And as usual, there's no reasoning with humans (Overlanders may be depicted as having only three fingers and an opposable thumb, but they don't fool me for a minute!). Again skipping over the kinds of technological developments that should have taken several centuries but which happen in the blink of an eye in comic books, Alexander founds the multicultural society of Mobius as well as the Acorn dynasty. HEAD: I have NO problem with a story set in a library. Still, I had to remind myself that Kirby's "history" was the short version and was meant more as prelude than as a serious treatment. The history portion of the story deserved six pages all by itself, and I'm sure Ken could have fleshed it out a bit more, given it a bit more grandeur. At least it's headed in the right direction. Head Score: 7. EYE: Art Mawhinney makes Jeremiah into an extremely likable sort. I have to wonder whether the flak shirt he wears isn't a Kirby trademark or an in-joke on some other level. Yet the scenes in the library seem almost too brightly lit, leaving only a few cobwebs to give the sense of desolation the setting deserved. A small quibble. Eye score: 8. HEART: Not very engaging. Here's hoping the story takes a more involving turn in the next installment. Heart Score: 7, solely on the strength of the library setting and the pro-literacy message of the story. Off-Panel: My dictionary defines "wanton" as something malicious or unjustifiable, without provocation or regard for what is just and human. About on a par with having Sonic shlep out for takeout food. Next time, Fred, order the "wonton" soup. Sonic-Grams: Freddie comes nowhere near apologizing for this issue. The proper rejoinder to his line of reasoning would be: "And if Seinfeld jumped off a building, I suppose you would too?" There's no proper blurb for it, but next month is the Robotnik origins issue, as prelude to his eventual return in another issue or two. There ARE blurbs for the next Sonic special (the return of the Sonic Kids in a Mike Gallagher _tour de force_, which is French for "If you don't like the stories, you can't blame anyone but him") and Knuckles #25. Letters: Eric Treadway asks a sensible question about deroboticization and gets more or less shined off. And Justin takes it upon himself to imitate Adam again by naming the animals (Genesis 2:20): he refers to the clearly human-looking Iron Queen from Frank Strom's "Arsenal of the Iron King" (S60) as a badger and he identifies Kodos as "a lion." Personally, I think Kodos is the same species as Mobie the Alleged Cave Bear (of whom we've heard mercifully little of late). So from now on I'll be referring to Kodos as a "mobie" with a small M. A "mobie," BTW, is defined as any Mobian species with no obvious counterpart in the Earth animal kingdom, usually because they're so butt-ugly! Fan Art: Gwen Gibbs, aka Mimic the Moonrat, gives us a montage featuring a VERY angular Sonic, while John Calcaro's impressive drawing shows Sonic telling an unidentified alien "Back off, man, Sally's MY girl!" The "professionals" this time around are Dick Areys and Ken Penders in a drawing that has Sally looking both off- model (too chubby) and out of character (this is the first time I've ever seen her vogue). Calcaro's fan art has this thing beat by a couple miles! But as Norman Jewison also said during his acceptance speech: "The picture that makes the most money isn't necessarily the best picture."