Sonic Super Special #7 [no date]
     This is it: the comic I've been dreading for quite some time.  You
think maybe "dread" is too strong?  True Confession: when Ken Penders
sent me an early draft of this story and I started reading it and
realized what I was reading, I did something I've never done before
with any other script that Ken leaked my way: I stopped reading it,
bailed out of e-mail and deleted it unread.
     And the cover only confirmed my suspicions.  Who ARE these people? 
Besides the Knothole crew I only recognize two of them: the lead
character from "Savage Dragon" by virtue of one or two episodes of the
animated series that I'd seen (I was not impressed enough to stay with
it) and The Maxx from the stunning M-TV animated adaptation of Sam
Keith's comic.  Let's face it, I'm seriously underqualified to review
this special because I'm not a comic book geek.  I'm a Sonic fanboy and
that's it.  Sure, I'll browse through an issue of "Animaniacs" every
now and then, but I have no knowledge and even less interest in
anything else happening in the other books.  So I'm afraid that a lot
of subtle allusions and in-jokes are going to go over my head.  After
all, if I hadn't watched "The Maxx" on M-TV, I'd have missed the
significance of the placement of Bunnie opposite The Maxx on the
Valentino/Spaziante/Penders/Ray/Heroic Age cover.
     "Parallal Paradigm"
     Story: Ken Penders; Art: Jim Valentino; Ink: Ken Penders; Color:
Frank Gagliardo and Pat Spaziante; Lettering: Jeff Powell; Frontispiece
and center spread art: Pat Spaziante and Harve Mercadoocasio; Cover
separation: Heroic Age; Interior separation: Graphic Color Works;
Frontispiece separation: Nelson Ribiero; Pin-up separation: Pat
Spaziante; Editorial: G-Force. *whew!*
     Frontispiece: I think Hank Hill said it best when he uttered that
deathless phrase: "Whut in thuh hail!?"  Keep that phrase handy: you
might need it.
     From the Editor's Desk: Justin explains how this comic came to be;
I'll have more to say about THAT later.  For now we get a Spaziante
picture of Amy Rose presenting a flower to The Maxx as Julie Winters (I
think) sits astride his shoulder.  For an interesting counterpoint with
far more attitude, check out Julie Miyamoto's drawing of Sally dressed
as Julie Winters at http://www.yerf.com/miyajuli/x-miss_s.gif.
     "Particle.  My name is Particle."  It's not "Call me Ishmael," but
it's a good enough start in that I don't have to guess at a name.  Ms.
Particle seems to be explaining herself to a couple of shadowy figures
at "FBI Headquarters, Washington, D.C., 11:21 PM."  OK, I don't watch
"The X-Files" on a regular basis, either, but I'm sure there were fans
who started groaning at this point.  Particle is talking about
something called a "vibrational tuner" that supposedly transported her
to a "futuristic...alien world" which, to the trained eye, is a view of
the Robotropolis skyline.  In fact, her flashback carries her into
Robotropolis where she's spotted in a rare joint appearance by the
charter members of the Knothole Freedom Fighters.  Let's see, the last
time everyone was together like this was the "Return of the King"
special, before Sonic and Tails got spun off on the road to nowhere. 
But this ain't no Knothole, this ain't no Kansas, this ain't no foolin'
around.... (Ken Penders will start quoting rock records himself soon
enough, so I thought I'd get in the spirit of things and lead off with
some vintage Talking Heads).
     The Mobians think Particle is an Overlander, probably because of
that spikey haircut of hers.  Antoine makes an offhand remark we all
could have done without, especially Bunnie.  As for Ms. P, she decides
the best way to keep the story moving is to knock everybody out.  Then,
without any real explanation, she manages to get herself up to the
Floating Island where she discovers the "zoot chute" (even she admits
that it's camp, though I wonder how many Gen X-ers understand the term
without having to look it up in an art encyclopedia or Tom Wolfe's "The
Painted Word").
     Sailing past the fan art (a Sonic-O-Lantern by Andy Crossman, June
Ferrell's "Gimme anime!" study of Knuckles, and Maui Harris's portrait
of young Mobians avoiding curfew), Ms. P comes across the Chaos Emerald
which has recently been upgraded to include Mammoth Mogul's
megalomaniacal butt.  So we know this takes place between Kent Taylor's
"Immortality is Forever..." from Sonic #56 and #57 where Sonic and
Tails skip town.
     Knuckles then makes his appearance and fares no better at the hand
of Particle.  After transporting the Chaos Emerald to "The Doctor"
(whom I'm willing to bet is NOT a Time Lord, unfortunately), we cut
back to her being interrogated by "Agent Scolder" of the FBI.  NOW you
can groan!  She manages to do the same knock-out trick (which she
apparently learned during a stopover on the planet Vulcan) to "Agent
Mully" before disappearing into the streets of a blacked-out city.
     We then trudge through a few more pages of "X-Files" homage (which
someone defined as being French for "ripoff").  Agents S&M arrive at a
TV repair shop and want to talk to Eddie Collins, the 16-year-old son
of the proprietor.  The kid's sitting at a computer and wearing an
Archie Andrews t-shirt.  Now we KNOW this is an alternate reality; back
when I was in high school a guy wearing an Archie t-shirt would have
gotten the stuffing kicked out of him on a regular basis by the auto
shop greasers. Seems the kid was spotted in or around an Air Force base
where the surveillance camera took a picture of someone ELSE I don't
recognize.  With that, the kid goes into flashback mode himself:
     Seems a couple days ago he glanced down a back alley just in time
to observe The Knothole Crowd plus Knuckles confronting...this is
getting really depressing, you know that.  If it hadn't been for the
mention of the "cape that moved all around as if it were alive" I'd
have never known that they were confronting Spawn.  Which tells you
what a comic book illiterate I am when the subject is anything but
Sonic.  Spawn says one line, consisting of one word, then walks off. 
This cameo appearance seemed to confirm a suspicion I'd had since the
crossover concept was first announced: that this comic would end up
being the print equivalent of the movie "Pepe."  You Gen X-ers probably
never heard of the film, so let me give you all the sordid, sad
particulars:
     In 1956 David Lean released his epic motion picture version of
Jules Verne's novel "Around the World in 80 Days."  Two features of
that film are relevant to this discussion: it was the first film to
make use of the "cameo" -that is, a brief appearance by a well-known
star who has little or no dialogue in the film but whose face and mere
presence helps to lend the film a certain amount of class (producer
Michael Todd is, in fact, credited with coining the term "cameo" for
this picture).  The second thing about the film was its casting of the
Mexican comedian known by the single name Cantinflas in the role of
Passepartout, manservant to the globe-trotting Phileas Fogg. 
Cantinflas gave the role a certain Chaplainesque charm, and someone
must have thought he had breakout potential because in 1960 he was cast
as the title character in a film about a Mexican peasant in the wilds
of Hollywood, "Pepe."
     As with "Around the World In 80 Days," "Pepe" featured a number
of cameo appearances, ranging from child actor Jay North (at the time
playing the lead in the TV series "Dennis the Menace") to members of
the Rat Pack (Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Joey Bishop, Dean
Martin).  The cameos, however, could not overcome the basically boring
script.  Cantinflas thus remained a beloved name South of the Border. 
Years later, however, when comedian Paul Rodriguez had a chance to meet
Cantinflas and to tell him how much he'd admired his work, he found
Cantinflas to be a bitter and cynical old man.  Rodriguez, in a radio
interview, said that the state of comedy in Mexico had a lot to do with
what had soured the legendary comic actor.
     Mexico has never produced a comedian on the order of Lenny Bruce,
someone willing to let their material fly in the face of social
conventions.  Societal pressures were simply too strong.  You couldn't
tell jokes about religion because of the influence of the Church.  You
couldn't tell jokes about sex because of the influence of the Church. 
And you couldn't tell jokes about politics because some primo with a
private army and no sense of humor could make you disappear if he
didn't like your material.  So Mexican comedy ended up being stuck
retreading tired jokes of the "My wife is so fat..." variety, and
indulging in variations on slapstick and physical comedy.  Matt
Groening's depiction of Mexican television on "The Simpsons," which
shows someone walking around in a bee costume for no discernable
reason, would appear to have a grain of truth in it.
     What were we talking about again?  "Parallel Paradigm," right.
     After Spawn leaves, Eddie greets the Mobians whom he thinks are
trick-or-treaters.  I found myself wondering why Sonic and Knuckles
seemed to know what Eddie was talking about when he mentioned the video
games and the SatAM cartoon...or is that one of those Things You Don't
Want To Think About Too Hard?  When Eddie realizes who/what he's
talking to, Knuckles steps in and provides (thank you very much) a
flashback within a flashback:
     He relates how he woke up in the emerald chamber and realized he'd
left the bathtub running.  He then remembered he doesn't HAVE a
bathtub.  He flies above the now-misnamed Floating Island which appears
to be auditioning to be a coral reef.
     Slipping past the center spread, we join Knuckles in conference
with Sally who, via Nicole, confirms that the Chaos Emerald isn't in
THIS universe.  So, thanks to a souped-up buggy of some sort (provided
courtesy of Deus Ex Machina Motors), they hit "The Cosmic Interstate--a
long and winding road that takes you here, there, and everywhere." 
Been a long time since Ken indulged in this kind of Beatlespeak. 
Instead of arriving at Apple Corps, they arrive at the Big Apple.
     Sally apparently hopes that Eddie is a fanboy; considering what
happened to them when they ran into Particle I don't know if I'd be
that trusting.  Eddie then changes into his formal attire as
ShadowHawk, and all I know about HIM is what fan Mark Lungo told me:
that ShadowHawk recently made comic book history of sorts in that the
character died of AIDS.
     Nicole uses an orbital tracking system to home in on the Chaos
Emerald and steer the buggy to Grand Central Station.  There they
attract the attention of Savage Dragon (who appears to be moonlighting
as a bonded courier or something, and whose jaw resembles that of
Popeye).  He opens fire on the Mobians--makes me wonder if he's that
big of a bullethead in the original.  The group is also spotted by Jill
and Ohmen, aka Union.  I think.  While ShadowHawk shmoozes with the
other two steroid cases, the Mobians board an outgoing train in pursuit
of the Chaos Emerald.
     On board they find it along with the cheesy villain, a nameless
dude who broadly hints that he'll be doing guest shots in the future. 
For the present, though, he orders his "mandroids" to take some shots
at the Mobians.  As the costumed costars make their presence known, the
villain sends the train into another dimension where everybody but
himself is knocked unconscious and he's greeted by a bunch
of...SWATbots!?  Maybe Robotnik got himself one heck of a makeover
during his time off.
     After a couple of set pieces ("The Villain Raves About His
Fiendish Plot" and "Putting The Reluctant Accomplice In Her Place"), he
takes delivery of a large cardboard box containing someone singing
"Sloop John B."  Turns out it's not Brian Wilson; it's....
     We then find Particle sneaking around some sort of dungeon where
the villain appears to be collecting comic book characters--or at least
the shadows of the ones whose owners wouldn't sign a release to let
Archie Comics use their likenesses.  The first "person" she finds is
her sister, Anita.
     Cut back to the cardboard box, home of...The Maxx.  He and
Knuckles could spend some time comparing notes about hand deformities.
     Anita, meanwhile, springs Union, someone named Velocity, and the
others from their cells.  Sonic and Velocity team up to create a
diversion; apparently, Uncle Chuck never warned Sonic to stay away from
fast women.  They find The Maxx playing Bowling For Bad Guys with the
Chaos Emerald.  The still-nameless villain demonstrates his mastery of
set design by shifting between Central Park and Robotropolis.  Frankly,
I thought Manny Galan did it better in "Fallout" (Knuckles #5) when he
shifted between echidna and dingo universes.
     Sally, meanwhile, orders everyone to keep the SWATbots away from
Knuckles.  This is so Knuckles can have one of those Jedi mind
conversations with Locke.  His ancestor Dimitri, however, insists on
horning in and representing the Dark Side Of The Force.  Locke then
tells Knuckles "I gave you abilities far beyond any echidna,"
presumably when he spirited away the newly-hatched Knuckles from his
mother (see *).  Now as illiterate as I am about the current crop of
superheroes, I KNOW what the implications of "abilities far beyond"
are.  So does Knuckles, who begins to think: "Wait a minute!  My own
father turned me into a Superhero!  That means I'm just like these
other costumed buttheads!!!"  The thought so traumatizes Knuckles that
he taps into the Chaos Emerald and with an energized primal scream
(that's what it looks like on the VERY effective splash page) he hits
the Cosmic Reset Button.  Everyone else goes into soft focus except
Sonic, under the clause in his contract which asks "Whose comic book IS
this, anyway?"
     With that the story line, which had been showing some signs of
progress however faltering, disappears in a puff of smoke.  The guest
heroes and the villain find themselves on the military base which was
the excuse to bring Agents S&M into the picture, except that the
villain seems to have become deanimated as well as irrelevant; Ken
never does reveal his fate in this story.  Otherwise, we learn that
Particle/Keri and her sister have been separated once again, the Chaos
Emerald is back in place as if nothing ever happened, and we're back to
a post-#57 continuity in Mobitropolis.  It's pretty hard for me to care
about any aspect of the ending of this story save one: that Sally gets
to show 100% more emotion over Sonic's absence than she has since #57,
inclusive.
     I know Ken has been working on this story in a major way for a
long time, and Jim Valentino managed to get the characters looking
good.  The story accomplished what it set out to do: provide a forum
for characters from both comic continuities to strut their stuff
without really affecting anything in either publishing line.  I
honestly don't know if any of the Image people were true to character;
if they were, I don't think I'd be interested in Savage Dragon even as
a parody of a bullethead.  And don't ask me what exactly ShadowHawk
DOES as a superhero; that was never established in the course of the
story as far as I could tell.
     There are two people whose opinions about this special I'd like
to hear: Joel and Aaron Valentino.  According to Justin Gabrie's front-
end editorial, it was their interest in the Sonic comics that got this
project moving forward in the first place.  And I'd like to know if
they were satisfied with the results or whether they feel, in their
young heart of hearts, that the grown-ups took a good thing and screwed
it up again.
     I can't help but remember my undergraduate college days when I
worked on campus as an audio-visual geek (that wasn't my job title, but
that's still pretty much what I was).  There were some educational
films that some teachers showed to every new class, so I got to know
some of those films pretty well.  In one of them, a professor asks a
couple of his students (with a German accent): "Haf you lately into
your premise looked?"
     As Justin Gabrie explained it, Jim contacted Archie Comics asking
to do something in the Sonic books because his two sons were big fans. 
Now if I had been Justin, I'd have asked Jim WHY they're fans and what
the kids liked about the comics so I could make sure that the comics
kept delivering the goods.  It never would have occurred to me to think
"crossover special," which explains why I'm not a comic book editor. 
Justin managed, as he put it, to get from Point A to Point Z; but what
if Joel and Aaron had wanted to get to Point B instead?  I know it's
dangerous to let a child do a man's work, as seen by the end results of
"Sonic Shot".  But surely a story like "Parallel Paradigm" isn't why
they BECAME Sonic fans in the first place.
     Which brings up one major reason why the entire Sonic/Image
crossover concept leaves a bad taste in my mouth: it exists not for a
narrative reason but for a marketing reason.  There's been a good deal
of talk by comic book congoscenti about the sorry state of the industry
at present, of which the bankruptcy of Marvel is but a symptom.  People
supposedly in the know claim that the medium is in decline as kids stop
bothering to read in this electronic age.  These are the same savants,
of course, who are ready to relegate the Funny Animal Book to the
industry's recycling bin as something no longer worth producing.
     Yet in spite of these self-assured pronouncements, in spite of the
fact that there is no tie-in film or TV series or even (as of this
writing) new video game, in spite of belonging to a genre that is
supposed to have gone the way of the buggy whip and the manual
typewriter, the Sonic comic and its Knuckles spinoff line have done
well and continue to do well.  The position that the Sonic comics are
the print equivalent of training wheels--something for 6-to-12-year-
old-boys to get into on their way to learning to like the mainstream
superhero books--is no longer tenable.  The following for BOTH
publications cuts across a wide spectrum, with adolescent girls
catching the fever from their little brothers and gravitating toward
the Knuckles line particularly.  NO amount of marketing savvy could
have prepared Archie for THAT!
     There is something inherent in the Sonic continuity that is
attracting and keeping readers.  It doesn't require stunt stories like
this one.  It DOES require that the creative forces, the artists and
writers, take that something to heart and work with it and never mind
the conventional wisdom.  The very existence of the Sonic comic is a
rebuke to conventional wisdom.  Archie Comics took a HUGE step forward
when it renounced the Gallagher/Manak slapstick style of the early
comics for the more engaging SatAM continuity.  Too many exercises like
"Parallel Paradigm" could result in Archie Comics taking two steps
back.
     But like I said, you might be better off talking to Joel and Aaron
Valentino; I'm just a Sonic fanboy.