CONTROL YOUR  INFORMATION:  SUBORDINATION

John Sutter bought a light ship's boat from Captain Wilson; he also rented the schooners Isabel and Nicolas from Nathan Spear and William Hinckley, two Americans who owned the Yerba Buena trading post. With credit earned from his sale of merchandise he had brought from Honolulu to Yerba Buena, Sutter loaded his three boats with equipment to start his colony: guns for hunting; ammunition for the cannons he had brought from the islands; seed and farm equipment; blacksmith and carpenter tools.

The little flotilla then set out across the uncharted San Francisco Bay: Sutter, with his title of captain which he had invented in the same manner that he had conjured up his role of empire builder; the eight Kanaka men and two Kanaka women who had contracted to stay with him for three years and help build his settlement; a fourteen-year-old Indian boy whom he had bought for $100 in the Wind River Rendezvous; a German cabinetmaker; three recruits from Yerba Buena; and several sailors on the beach.

Sutter set out in the lead, four Kanakas rowing the small ship's boat northeast across the wide, choppy bay lying within its frame of soft, sensually shaped hills, haycock tan in the August sun. By dusk they had covered thirty miles, camping where Carquinez Strait emptied into Suisun Bay. The next morning Sutter mistook the San Joaquin River for the Sacramental, and lost two hard days of upstream rowing before he realized that this was not the valley that had been described to him. Several days later he found the mouth of the Sacramento and, leaving messages for his two straggler boats to follow (he placed his messages alongside the Indian tokens of white feathers hanging from bushes to propitiate their gods), made his way up the broad quiet river which flowed between dark jungles of tule and towering trees.

Emphasize basic information. In the unit selection, Stone presents a great deal of information based on extensive research. The final form of his writing indicates the realtive emphasis he wished to give the details of his research. If you were asked to express in one word the subject of this selection, you would not say Wilson, Spear, Hinckley, or Kanakas. You would say Sutter. As a reporter, which of following messages would you have sent your editor to convey the basic information about Sutter in the first paragraph?

John Sutter bought a light ship's boat from Captain Wilson.
Two Americans owned the Yerba Buena trading post.
Sutter sold merchandise he had brought from Honolulu.
John Sutter bought a boat, rented schooners, and loaded boats with equipment.

The first is true, but expresses less than the full meaning of the paragraph. The second and third express only minor facts. the fourth sentence conveys the basic information. Compare this sentence with the sentences of the first paragraph, stripped down to barebone subjects and predicates: Sutter bought boat. He rented schooners. He loaded boats

Another writer might have worked with a different purpose and produced an entirely different paragraph from the same file of research notes. A writer indicates what he thinks is important by the way he selects and organizes details and by the way he shapes his sentences. A second writer might have written

Two Americans, Nathan Spear and William Hinckley, owned the Yerba Buena Trading Post. They stocked all those articles most needed by settles in that pioneer land: guns and ammunition; seed and farm equipment; blacksmith and carpenter tools. They even stocked schooners which they rented to people who had established credit with them, like one Captain John Sutter, who could afford to buy outright only the usual small articles and a light ship;s boat, which he purchased from their friend, Captain Wilson. Now the paragraph is about two Americans, their trading post, and their business activities.

The thread of this rendition is very different from Stone's: Americans owned trading post. They stocked articles. They stocked schooners.

Identify added information. Added infomation is as important as the basic information but it has a special purpose. It supports the basic information by qualifying, clarifying, and specifying it further. Added information appears in subordinating constructions. It joins with the basic information (which is the subject-predicate backbone of each sentence) to give the sentence the full meaning the writer intends.

ASSIGNMENT

By adding specific information of your own in subordinate clauses, increase the interest of the following narrative thread: Joseph walked. His brothers saw him coming.They talked. They put him in a pit.