Case Study on Listening with the Single Parent

              Karen came home from work and immediately felt her hostility level rise at the fact that Lauren had invited some of her friends over after school again.  Lauren saw the expression on her mothers face as she came into the apartment and knew she was in trouble.  Lauren had been told on multiple occasions that she was not allowed to have friends over before her mom got home.   So Lauren quickly whispered to her friends, “I think my mom is pissed about something, you guys better go and I will see you tomorrow in school.”  The girls packed their things and headed toward the door, but not without showing Karen some attitude first by each glaring her with a “what’s your problem” stare as they left. 

              No sooner had her friends gone out the door and Lauren charged into her mother’s face with fist clenched and eyes piercing, shouting “Why won’t you let me have any friends!”  Karen stepped back slightly shocked and intimidated.   Then she reminded herself to take a deep breath and thought to herself “I’m the adult here, I must remain calm yet firm.”  Pointing her finger at Lauren, Karen began to speak, “I’ve said not to have friends. . .” “No!” Lauren interrupted, leaning into her mother and shouted at her again, “What friends!” Then before Karen knew what was happening Lauren took a quick turn and disappeared into her room slamming the door behind her.  Karen, felt like a cyclone had just roared through the house, she started to follow behind her, but Lauren locked her door and was leaning against it, thinking to herself, “Why does my mom hate me?”  She could hear her mother say on the other side of the door, “Please, just don’t have your friends over when I’m not home, ok?”  Under her breath, Lauren muttered, “Your so unfair, just because you have no friends doesn’t mean I don’t want any either!”  But Karen did not hear her; she had already retreated to the couch to compose herself and try to figure out what was going on with her wacky daughter. 

              What Karen didn’t understand was that Lauren actually didn’t have any friends, in an attempt to try to make friends with some girls that she liked Lauren tried inviting them over for snacks after school.  The concept that a beautiful, outgoing girl like Lauren couldn’t make any friends was impossible for Karen to comprehend.  Karen, on the other hand, had tons of friends in high school and it never occurred to her that Lauren didn’t.  Actually, because Lauren had to rush home everyday after school to watch Ernie she couldn’t hang out after school and make friends with the other girls.   Lauren had even expressed her problems to her mother about not having friends in past conversations but her mother interpreted comments like those as typical teenage drama and exaggerations.  Lauren assumed that her mother knew she had no friends and obviously didn’t want her to make any friends either.  Lauren figured that because her mother was so lonely without Neil that she had become like her mother’s closest friend and her mother was jealous of her having other friends. 

              Karen and Lauren both made faulty assumptions about the other’s words, motives and behaviors.  These faulty assumptions eventually blurred their communication at first and eventually broke down the communication between them altogether over time.

Discussion Questions:

1.  Ask your spouse or children to tell you how well you are at hearing what they are trying to tell you?

2.  What are some listening problems that keep you from hearing messages clearly?  i.e., selective listening, message overload, insensitive listening, defensive listening, or hearing problems, etc. 

3.  What are the steps you need to make in order to hear the message behind what others are telling you better?

4.  How do you know you are hearing what God is trying to tell you?

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