Mr. Bower, Karen’s supervisor at work was going around asking the girls if they needed more shifts, Karen thought about this and decided she had better take advantage of this opportunity while it was available.  “I need some girls to work double shifts for me for the next two months.”  Mr. Bower told her.  Karen knew that extra cash would come in handy for things like diapers, baby clothes, formula, crib, car seat, and a multitude of things Lauren’s new baby will need. Karen volunteered.  “I will sign up 5 days a week for the next 8 weeks.”  “You will need to be here from 8 in the morning till 11 o’clock at night, will that be a problem?”  Mr. Bower asked.  “No, it will be great.” Karen answered. 

 

              However, Lauren was not impressed with this new schedule.  “Who is going to be with Ernie when I am in school?” Lauren wondered out loud. “Well, my church has a preschool designed for working moms that is very inexpensive.”   Lauren was still apprehensive but she couldn’t explain why she felt this was such a bad idea. 

 

              After the first week of 16 hour shifts, Karen couldn’t believe how exhausted she was at the end of each day.  However, each night when she got home she noticed that Lauren and Ernie had been eating breakfast cereal for supper at night.  Dishes in the sink were piling up.  The rug was in desperate need of vacuuming.  Ernie had not had a bath all week.  Laundry baskets were overflowing.  It was obvious that Lauren needed some encouragement to get her to help out more around the house.

 

              During the second week every morning before going to work Karen reminded Lauren what things needed to be done each day.  Lauren promised she would do them but from Karen’s perspective nothing looked any better than they did the first week.  And each evening after Karen got home around 11:30, exhausted as she was, she would make lunches for the kids to take to school, sweep the kitchen floor, do the dishes in the sink, and tidy things up before she went to bed.

 

              The third week Karen developed a schedule to help Lauren since she was not getting the hang of household responsibilities down yet, the schedule looked like this:

 

              To Karen the expectation that this schedule could be followed did not seem hard at all and Lauren went along with the idea in principle.  But when Karen saw that things were still not being done she asked Lauren if she was following the schedule, to which Lauren replied. “This schedule is way to rigid, it’s impossible to keep.”   Karen was beginning to feel resentful that Lauren wasn’t doing her part.  After all, Karen was working extra hard to be able to help Lauren afford the expenses of having a baby.  Karen felt that Lauren owed her gratitude for supporting her in this way.  However, gratitude was not on the list of emotions Lauren felt about this situation.  In fact, Lauren was feeling resentful, she was also upset, feeling that her mother was not doing enough around the home anymore. And all these extra responsibilities were actually her mother’s job. 

 

              The fourth week, they were running out of toilet paper, milk and cereal.  Karen asked Lauren to pick some up on the way home from school after she picked up Ernie.  But on the way home Lauren forgot to go shopping.  Adding just one more thing Karen had to do at 11PM, riding the bus home, after working a very long 16 hour day.  Never the less each morning Lauren would complain how terrible these added responsibilities were and how unfair it was to add them to the things she already had to do.  Karen responded, “Is there some reason that you should have things easier than everyone else in the world?  Listen, this is difficult for all of us, it would be nice if you would stop focusing on your own problems and start thinking about others.”

 

              During the fifth week Karen’s morning reminders became much sharper.  Likewise the sharper the comments from Karen the more actively Lauren forgot to do more things.  Thus began a more open cycle of Lauren’s passive refusal.  Followed by Karen’s rage of frustration and disappointment each evening when she would get home.  Underneath Lauren’s passive aggression was a feeling that her mother was intentionally trying to avoid taking care of her and Ernie for some reason.

 

              For the sixth week Karen bought a bunch of prepackaged, microwavable, frozen meals.  She compromised on all her other demands and her only request for Lauren was to fix dinner around 5:00.  Karen was willing to put up with the lack of support from Lauren around the house only because she knew there were only a few more weeks left, then she could return to her old schedule and things could get back to normal again.  But now a new problem arose.  Notes started coming home from the preschool program about Ernie.  The teachers were concerned with Ernie’s increase in anger and hostility over the last few weeks.  They believed that Ernie was feeling neglected with the new experiences in school and not having his mom around for the majority of the day.   They suggested that Karen find a way to give him some quality one on one time each day to help him overcome his feelings of abandonment. 

 

              Karen was emotionally, psychologically, and physically drained.  If only she could make it for the next two weeks in order to fulfill her obligation.  But at this point she really didn’t know how she was going to do it. 

 

 

Discussion Questions:

 

1.  If both spouses in your home work full time, do both of you feel that your household responsibilities are shared equally?

 

2.  Men often become passive aggressive when their wives suggest that they take on more household responsibilities, have you experienced this in your home?

 

3.  What steps might you be able to take in order to equally share household responsibilities better?

 

4.  Discuss your feelings about gender roles in the home?   

 

5.  Philippians 2:5-8 (NIV) reads: “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross!”

 

How does this scripture relate to our gender roles in the home and our inability to accept different responsibilities than traditionally accepted?