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History
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Current
Issues
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Anthropology
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The
Bedfords are a blended African-American family. It was 15 years
ago that Roger and Brenda got married. They live in small Midwestern
town. When Roger was recently divorced, he and his son James
moved across town to live in the larger home of his new wife,
Brenda who had been divorced 3 years earlier.
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Keisha
and James are now grown and from outward appearances they have
moved on. They are currently married,
but both of them are troubled by significant marital problems.
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Biology
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When
Roger married Brenda, James was 11 years old and Keisha was
13 years old. One of the greatest marital strains existed when
the children fought. Unfortunately more often Brenda would side
with Keisha and naturally Roger would more often would side
with his son.
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Keisha
was married and left home at age 19. She had one daughter and
then was divorced a few years later. Keisha is currently married
again and has two more children, but is very unhappy in this
marriage as well.
James was married two years ago but is now in the process of
getting a divorce.
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Child
Development
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Both
children are very unhappy with their parent's divorces and current
remarriages. Keisha had been an excellent student until her
parents were divorced. After that she lost interest and started
having discipline problems in school. James was still in shock
over his parents divorce when suddenly he was thrust into a
new home with new traditions and routines. A new school, and
a new older sibling to rule over him.
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The
blended home was a war zone. It seemed as though both children
had agreed to make the home intolerable. They twisted the words
and actions of their step parents to use as weapons against
them. The kid's feelings were hurt easily, and then they would
rant and rave at the slightest thing. The children's behaviors
included turning on the silent treatment, disrupting family
gatherings, refusal to cooperate, and questioning every little
thing. Now it seems that the habits formed as children have
followed them into adulthood.
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Counseling
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None.
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Keisha
had premarital counseling before her first marriage, at her
parent's insistence. Unfortunately her parents were right, she
was too young to get married. Sadly she did not listen to them
or the counselor.
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Demography
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As
a child from a divorced home James felt kind of homeless because
he bounced back and forth every other week from his mother's
home to his step mother's home. On the other hand Keisha had
to give up her own room and move into the den so that her step
brother would feel welcome. Yet this infuriated her, she felt
she had no place for her things and no privacy in her own home.
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Both
James and Keisha moved out of town after they graduated from
High School. They currently have very little contact with each
other and with their parents.
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Economics
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When
Roger and Brenda were first married they still had significant
economic stress. They worked long hours to pay the bills. But
the incoming was always less then the outgoing. They never had
enough and the children were always demanding more.
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Even
though the children are married and grown they still borrow
money from their parents often. The loans are never paid back.
And the parents are never pleased with their children's poor
financial decisions. But their only connection with their children
is through money, so they never complain.
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Education
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Because
Roger and James moved across town after the marriage, James
was able to get into a much better school district. Unfortunately
the disruption caused by moving and losing his friends made
his attitude toward the new school very negative.
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Roger
pays for his son to take college classes part time. Yet even
though Keisha would like to go to nursing school however her
step father, Roger, feels that he should not offer to pay for
her education because she already has her hands full with three
kids. This double standard is a significant sore spot with Brenda.
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English
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When
the kids were living at home Brenda felt her step son's language
was disrespectful. Roger had always bonded with his son by trash
talking in the past. But now he goes along with his wife's wishes,
siding against his son on this issue.
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Roger
has become fed up over the years with Brenda's hang up on manners
but he still gives into her demands for courtesy and politeness
in the home.
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Gerontology
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Divorce
and remarriage doubles the number of grandparents and extended
family members. Therefore there was significant disagreement
as to where the family would visit for the holidays. Eventually
everyone split up and each went their own separate way to solve
this problem, which resulted in even less family time spent
together.
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This
family has continued to follow the tradition of spreading apart
and visiting their own families over the holidays.
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History
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When
Roger and Brenda first met they discovered that they had so
much in common. Same likes and dislikes, as well as similar
backgrounds and histories. They were so happy to have discovered
one another that they never considered the possibility that
their children would not be as happy as them about their new
found love for one another..
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James
has come to feel that his step mother is jealous of his relationship
with his Dad. Then on the other hand, Keisha has come to feel
that her mother has betrayed her by marrying her Roger and loving
him and his son more than her.
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Home Economics
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This
family is constantly on the go. The kitchen table has never
been used for a family meal since they have been married.
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Roger
and Brenda have never developed the habit of budgeting. Even
though they have fewer expenses now that the kids are gone,
they still spend far more then they make.
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Law
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Much
family animosity exists between the unequal comparisons of child
support that Brenda's ex-husband pays next to the higher amount
deducted by Roger's employer from his paycheck each month.
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Keisha
has tried to get her real dad to help her out financially over
some rough times in the past after she got divorced. But her
dad told her "after you turned 18, I don't owe you another
red penny!"
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Psychology
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Out
of the father's overwhelming concern for the emotional health
of his son he has gone the extra mile to spend as much time
building a relationship with him as he can. However, he has
not put nearly any effort into building a relationship with
his step daughter. Therefore she rejects his parental authority
toward her.
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Because the daughter has never had a positive long term relationship
with any male figure in her life she is subconsciously keeping
her own son emotionally at a distance from her.
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Public
Health
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Stress
has caused muscle pain and headaches for both Roger and Brenda
being under a high level of stress related to new adjustments
to the household.
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Years
of living off of fast-food has caught up with this couple. Both
are overweight and at risk for diabetes, heart disease and stroke.
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Religion
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Neither
parents are able to agree on whose church to attend. Both children
have their own friends in their own church. So they could never
agree which church to attend.
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Both
children have failed to connect with any church because they
never set down meaningful roots in one congregation. So they
never developed ownership of their parent's religion.
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Sociology
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Roger
and Brenda have been determined to make this marriage work.
However they came to accept the fact that that their children
were going to oppose their marriage. Yet they know as long as
they maintain a love for each other they will eventually pass
through this crisis.
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The
children no longer believe in the fairy tale description of
marriages as "happily ever after." They have given
up on the concept that marriages are supposed to survive as
life long relationships.
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