Sonic #118 [Mar 2003]
     Justin Gabrie's let it be known that the cover layout of
this issue will be typical of the comic's cover design from now
until S125, a single-story (alleged) extravaganza.  He also
wanted fan feedback on whether this cover design works.
     There have been times when I've gotten my ears pinned back,
and rightly so, for presuming to sound as if I know more than the
comic book "professionals" about how the comic should be put
together: the writing, the artwork, the editing, etc.  I'll admit
that there have been times I've rushed in and pontificated about
the comic based on little more than a gut feeling that "Good
grief, I'm writing better stuff than THIS!"
     But if there's one thing I know and where I can dare to
stand toe to toe with Archie Comics, it's magazine covers.
     For the last ten and a half years, I have been reading
magazines for a living.  Not a working day goes by when I don't
look at no less than 5 or 6 magazine covers before indexing the
contents.  And besides the 45 titles (weeklies, monthlies,
fortnightlies, etc.) that cross my desk, there are the dozens of
covers I see displayed in the library's Periodicals Section 
which I pass through on the way to my office.  And Justin did ask
for feedback.  So:
     When Justin Gabrie said he was going for a "magazine cover"
effect, I didn't know the magazine he had in mind was "Redbook." 
The main story blurb on the cover of this issue reads as follows:
"Feature story: Rebounding from 'Robotnik's Return': 12 easy
steps guaranteed to help today's hedgehog on the go".  Compare
that with this blurb from the cover of the Jan 2003 "Redbook":
"100 instant health boosts: 2-minute moves that help beat
headaches, colds, cramps even cancer".  Not a whole lot to choose
between the two.  And here's the blurb for the Geoffrey Sinjin
story: "How to get her attention Geoffrey St. John shows all you
guys out there in 'Heart to Heart'."  And from the same "Redbook"
issue: "Nicole Kidman speaks from the heart. Exclusive!  She
reveals why she's seeing so much of TOM CRUISE, and her most
private hopes for love and marriage."  Finally there's this:
"Knuckles learns what to do when 'Ultimate Power' makes him the
envy of all the other echidnas on the block."  What does
"Redbook" bring to the table?  "3 simple love tricks every man
craves" plus "9 little rituals all husbands adore."  Keep in mind
that the Archie cover was put together long before this
particular issue of "Redbook" hit the stands; I just picked it
out at random.  I get the strong feeling that one of these covers
is the Bizarro World counterpart of the other; the trick is to
figure out which is which.
     As for the layout itself, the pattern appears to be: generic
drawing flanked by teaser text.  This is in fact a straight rip
of women's magazines, from "Redbook" to "Family Circle" to
"Cosmopolitan."  Too bad; Spaz has done gorgeous work, as the
retrospective in S110 demonstrated, when he has the time and
information to do a good job.  But if Archie insists on cheaping
it out, this is what we're stuck with.  If they'd have lost the
circular portraits of Geoff and Knuckles, the resemblance would
be perfect.
     The cover art, which had been a bone of contention in the
past when Pat Spaziante had to whip something out because of the
comic's tight deadline, indicates what passes for compromise at
Archie Comics: Spaz has given us a completely generic drawing of
Sonic and Robotnik.  But leave it to Spaz to bring in some added
value.  Sonic is positioned at eye-level with the viewer, which
means that Robotnik's figure is shown towering above Sonic.  The
pose is very effective ... right up until you get above
Robotnik's neckline.  Because of the perspective and the
silhouette effect of rendering Robotnik's facial features
indistinct, his mustache appears to be sprouting from his
temples.  This, complemented by the open mouth and the sweat/spit
surrounding his head, makes him look from the neck up like
Angelica Pickles throwing a tantrum because she's having a bad
pigtail day.  There hasn't been a Sonic cover this
unintentionally hilarious since the infamous "Sonic and the
Backstreet Boys" cover for S109.
     I know that the whole experiment with cover layout is a way
of giving the back stories their due, especially when the cover
story turns out to be an exercise in lameness.  And Archie could
have addressed that by harkening back to the past and reviving
the corner box.  Last seen on the cover of S28, the corner box
which appeared beneath the Archie comics logo had been used for
one-panel throwaway gags.  Yet if you look at any issue of "Time"
magazine over the past few years you'll find that they've
incorporated the corner box very effectively in their own cover
layouts.  For now, though, that space is occupied by a drawing of
Sonic and the Sega logo.  I shouldn't begrudge Sega the use of
the space.  Having lost the Hardware Wars, they needs all the
marketing help they can get.
     I tried looking at the thumbnail cover for S119 but couldn't
read the cover text surrounding the generic drawing of Sonic and
Tails.  I hate to think that this is how Archie is going to cheap
out the covers for the next six months.  Still, it IS only for
six more months; then this, too, shall pass.  Personal advice to
Justin: if you're going to screw around with the cover layout,
then you might as well go all the way and have some FUN with the
idea!  Do a cover inspired by "Rolling Stone" magazine.  Or
"Sports Illustrated."  Or the "Weekly World News": "Batboy: Is He
Snively and Rouge's Love Child?"
     One more thing: the "three titanic tails" featured on the
cover obviously belong to Sonic and Tails, who have three tails
between them.  Justin, it's "tales" when you're talking about
stories, "tails" when you talk about something in the
neighborhood of an animal's butt.  I really wish you wouldn't
make my job so easy.

     Dynamite Axer artwork of Eggman bedeviled by Mecha Sonic,
who's acquired those steel ball arms of the first sub-boss from
the Flying Battery.  I've always liked those arms.
     
     "Robotnik's Return"
     Story: Benny Lee; Art: Steven Butler; Ink: Jim Amash; Color:
Jason Jensen; Lettering: Jeff Powell; Editor: J. F. Gabrie;
Managing Editor: Victor Gorelick; Editor-in-chief: Richard
Goldwater.
     Robotnik and Robo-Sniv have finally, after "weeks" of
downloading into other models (it says here), downloaded
themselves into something suitable for trashing Knothole.  But
before they can put together a raiding party, the party comes to
them in the form of Sonic, Sally, Tails, Bunnie and Antoine. 
Nicole then provides the Nate Morgan Memorial Exposition Balloon,
informing the gang that Robotnik's Midas touch is no longer
capable of running with his current OS.  Sonic tries spinning
into Robotnik but gets KLONGed for his trouble because someone
that size is no pushover.  Tails, meanwhile, picks on someone his
own size: Robo-Sniv.  But just as the four of them get ready to
mix it up again, they get teleported out of the scene.  Bet you
didn't see THAT one coming!
     Somewhere out in space, a group of aliens who look like
extras from the opening sequence of "Lilo and Stitch" give
everyone the once-over.  Discovering that Sonic and Tails are
organic while Buttnik and Robo-Sniv aren't, they proceed with
"the experiment."  And no, it doesn't have anything to do with
eating mass quantities of Lucky Charms cereal as featured on the
facing page, though the Gimmick Marshmallow has just about the
same sick green color as the scanning ray.
     Before you can say "the ol' switcheroo," Sonic and Tails are
mecha-fied and Robotnik and Snively are turned into orgos (which
term I don't have to explain to you MST3K fans out there).  But
that's not the experiment itself: that involves the four of them
getting back to the business of fighting.  The winners are to be
reverted and the losers will retain their current shape.  The
aliens drop everybody into a holodeck simulation of Robotropolis. 
Buttnik, feeling right at home, somehow scrounges up some kind of
land-walker and fires missiles at our heroes.  For all his
technical genius, it would appear he never got to watch any
Terminator movies, particularly the scene where the bots emerge
unscathed from whatever holocaust they've just been through. 
Benny Lee, however, HAS seen the movies, as we're made aware by
Sonic's dialogue at the bottom of page [9].  Lee also manages a
bit of self-referential humor as Sonic traps Buttnik against a
pillar and congratulates him for getting "your very own column." 
With the metallic good guys declared the winner, everyone's
beamed back to the surface as orgos.

     HEAD: One of the great advantages of generic covers, I now
realize, is that it makes it tough to spoil the story inside.  I
had no way of guessing from looking at the cover that this tale
would involve space aliens, Sonic and Tails turned into mecha, or
Robotnik and Snively reverting to orgos.  All within 11 pages,
yet!
     I'm grateful that this story eighty-sixed the roboticize-at-
a-touch plot point.  I was prepared to accept its existence so
long as it was embellished by Romy Chacon's idea of tentacle
cables in last issue's "The Tortoise and the Hedgehog," even
though I STILL thought the idea itself was lame.  Well, it looks
like somebody within the company agreed with me and just called
the whole thing off.
     Overall, this was a fight story with a difference: Sonic and
Tails got the advantage from being roboticized, at the same time
Robotnik and Robo-Sniv became hyoomon again (or whatever passes
for hyoomon in their case).  That evens things out as play is
resumed in earnest in the comic.  Yet another fight story on the
high heels of the Rouge and Bunnie tussle in S116 would have been
boring to the extreme.
     I wasn't sure if I'd like the aliens, who pop in long enough
to experiment on the cast before taking off again in true Monkey
Khan fashion.  In the end, I decided that they earned their keep
simply by making what might have been a by-the-numbers fight
story more interesting.
     It also serves as a subversive little reminder that, yes,
being deroboticized IS possible.  It happened to all four of the
principle players: to Robotnik and Snively at the beginning of
the experiment, and to Sonic and Tails when the fight was over. 
I know that Management has been back and forth on the subject of
deroboticization more times that a tennis ball at Wimbledon, but
here's a story saying that it CAN be done.  All you Lupe fans out
there, keep the faith.  Head Score: 7.
     EYE: Steve Butler turns in a bravura performance with Sonic
and Tails as mecha-Mobians.  The Spaziante-inspired look (the
designs were on display in the Spaz sketchbook of S115) is
radically different, but not in a bad way.  And I'm someone who's
never been a fan of the whole Mecha/Metal Sonic thing.  Still, it
completely works.  Knothole at the end is just as convincing as
the holographic Robotropolis.  Eye Score: 10.
     HEART: Lee manages to raise the stakes in the Fight Story
genre.  For Sonic and Tails the deal is: lose, and you stay
roboticized.  It becomes a quality of life thing for them. 
Fortunately, they get the hang of their new bods soon enough.
     What's even more interesting is that Sonic and Tails have
been there and done that, way back in S59's "Opposites Detract." 
That time, though, they were battling each other, jumping through
the hoops for Horizont-Al and Verti-Cal.  It's the same battle-
by-proxy plot but with the roboticizer twist.  And that's just
enough to make a difference.  Heart Score: 7.

     "Heart to Heart"
     Story: Karl Bollers; Art: Ron Lim; Ink: Pam Eklund; Color:
Jason Jensen; Lettering: Jeff Powell; Editor/"Matchmaker": Justin
Gabrie.
     Boy, I am getting so sick of the cliche of having bodies
doing the fetal float in tubes of liquid.  Or maybe it's having
the story start out with a deus ex machina, the healing of Geoff
and Hershey thanks to Rotor, that accounts for the bad taste in
my mouth.
     "Later," once the pair have been decanted, Sally breezes in
and out of the story before it finds traction.  Geoff launches
into an amazing (for him and this comic, anyway) soliloquy that
manages to tie off some of the loose ends that have been clinging
to Geoff's character like cat hairs on a sweater.  Bummed out by
the outcome of events, Sinjin contemplates resignation, only to
be talked out of it by Hershey in what I have to say up front is
one of the worst pieces of dialogue I've ever read:  "No way,
Geoff.  You lost your way for a while, but you're a hero,
hotstuff....  That's what made me fall for you."  This leads, of
course, to the all-important arms-length embrace.  Some things
never change, even if Sonic isn't involved.
     Even "later" than the "later" on page [2], the Acorns are
stunned to see Geoff wearing something other than his usual
military garb: a tuxedo!  Instead of saying "G'day, my name is
Geoffrey and I'll be your waiter this evening," he informs the
king that he and Hershey, who for no apparent reason has changed
into an Emma Peele black leather jump suit, are taking a break
for a while in order to track down Prince Elias. 
     HEAD: Once more, as in the best Karl Bollers work, there's
way more material here than could fit properly into five pages
and I could see how the story could be retold in narrative form. 
And unfortunately Karl tells the wrong story here.  Or at least
it could have been told better:
     The three act symmetry of this story is in plain sight.  At
the top of Act One, the page of business with the nanites could
have been dispelled in one panel of exposition.  I pictured the
story opening with Geoff submitting his resignation, followed by
the King's reaction: "Have you thought about what you're doing? 
Really thought about it?  Or is this your way of running from a
mistake?  Because you can't run from a bad decision."  The King
then rests his hands on his now-useless legs.  "I made a rash
decision once, and I'll pay for it to the end of my days.  I need
you here, and you need to come to terms with what's happened. 
Your request to resign is denied."
     On to Act Two.  It's at this point that he has his
expository one-on-one with Hershey, who isn't given much of a
chance in this story to show character development.  All we
really know about her are based on scraps of stories going back
to Endgame.  Significantly, she's made some unfortunate choices
herself, especially in trusting Drago.  Geoff, however, is
someone whom she HAS come to trust, and it's too bad she didn't
get a chance to say so.  By sharing this with Geoff, it gives the
character way more of a foundation than just having her call
Geoff "hotstuff."
     Act 3 would feature Geoff and Hershey, minus the James
Bond/Avengers threads, requesting a leave of absence.  Geoff
states his objective, Max reminds him that this runs counter to
Elias's last message, then almost casually observes that it's
really none of his business how the two of them spend their R&R
before wishing them the Mobian equivalent of "Godspeed."  This
treatment not only keeps every plot point that Karl worked into
the story, but fleshes out the characters of both Hershey and
King Max in the bargain.  But what do I know; I'm not a
professional.  Head Score: 7.
     EYE: I was so looking forward to this story when I read the
premise ... until I read that Ron Lim was doing the artwork.  His
work here only confirmed my worst fear: that his artwork would
fail to rise to the occasion emotionally.  Once more, he
demonstrates a character's sadness (Geoff, on page [2]) by merely
setting the character's eyelids at half-mast.  And I hate to say
this, but the best-looking panel composition for me was page [4]
panel 3, where Elias is about to vanish into the background.  I
don't know WHOSE idea it was to put Geoff in a tux, but I pretty
much gave up on the story the moment I saw it.  Not because it
was poorly drawn but because it was so OOC, despite Geoff's
recent reappraisal of his life and the various story arcs of
2001.  Eye Score: 5.
     HEART: Skipping ahead to the Sonic-Grams, we find these
words from Darwin Sumuns: "I love the drama as much as the
action; you've taken this from a children's book to something
even adults can enjoy."  And Karl had the opportunity to pull out
all the stops in terms of drama.  Instead, we get to play catch-
up with the plot.
     The year 2001 was the comic's "anno horribilis," when
everything fell apart in terms of the story: the Ultimate Villain
plot never materialized, the Tails-Isn't-Tails plot point was
dropped into the stew, you remember.  Part of the failure of the
comic during that time was the tendency for plot points to pop up
and then disappear with no development and no resolution.  A
number of those points do get addressed during Geoff soliloquy:
Geoff's relationship with Sally, hinted at but never developed;
Geoff's influence over Elias, depicted as something sinister but
which was never explained; Geoff's jealousy of Sonic, which was
never even hinted at while it was happening.
     But I was struck by a tangential reference to a plot point
that Karl inherited from Ken Penders: the death of Geoff's father
when the vehicle carrying Queen Alisha and the infant Prince
Elias crashed on the Floating Island.  Geoff was "relieved my
father hadn't lived to see" Robotnik's taking over Mobius. 
Believe it or not, this modest declaration has Geoff expressing
way more emotion concerning the death of his father than he did
in the Forbidden Zone story arc (K19-21).
     This reflects the structural flaw inherent in writing an
action comic in America.  Action is seen as something that exists
to the exclusion of all else, particularly any kind of emotional
development.  Whether by management dictate or simply by inertia
of example, the character of Geoff has NEVER, EVER been blessed
with light behind the eyes, been granted something like a soul. 
Ken was in a perfect position to do so in the Forbidden Zone arc,
but it never seemed to occur to him.  Instead, Geoff was given an
Aussie accent (when the writers bothered to remember he spoke
with one) and little else to flesh him out.  In a better-late-
than-never evolution, Karl Bollers invests Geoff in this story
with SOME kind of personality, only to snatch it away on the last
page when Geoff appears in the image of the most emotionally
neutered action hero of all time, James Bond.  Maybe that sort of
thing works for the Bond franchise, but I hate to see it carried
over into this book.  Heart Score: 7.

     FAN ART: In addition to offerings from Jessica Simmons and
Terrie Little, Julia Hawkins does a really cute drawing of a
chibi Tails, and Jessica Bourne gives us not only fan chara
Monica "Faith" Prower, but a Knuckles Chao baby.  Sweet.

     "Ultimate Power: Part 4 (5, really, but who's counting?)"
     Story: Ken Penders; Art: Dawn Best (and sometimes Ken
Penders); Layout: Ken Penders; Ink: Ken Penders; Color: Jason
Jensen; Lettering: Ken Penders; Editor: Justin Gabrie.
     This is the big showdown: Mammoth versus Knuckles, over
Dimitri's nearly-dead body.  MM threatens Knux with a "Chaos
syphon chamber," and Knux manages not to hear the last word in
the phrase, because it doesn't dawn on him for two more pages
that the whole room is a Chaos syphon.  Knuckles decides to
oblige by giving MM all the Chaos energy Ol' Fuzzbutt can handle,
a fact that does not go unnoticed throughout the city.  Knuckles
then gives his all in a splash page punctuated by reaction shots. 
Show of hands: anybody else love the look on Vector's face?
     By the time someone turns down the green, various groups
assemble at Ground Zero, including the Chaotix, Lien-Da and
Constable Remington.  Meanwhile, a group of clueless 'chidnas who
don't seem to know what just happened are rededicating a statue
to Angel-La, the mother of Edmund and Dimitri.  Turns out that
someone decided to rename the Floating Island "Angel Island" to
fit in better with the Sega continuity.  Just then they receive
word that another name change is in the works: Knuckles's
nickname will have to be changed from "Rad Red" to "Dead Red."
     HEAD: OK, Ken had to take this story somewhere, and the
destination isn't very satisfactory, with Mammoth Mogul missing
and Knuckles dead.  Yes, it's a double death cheat.
     There is no way I can believe that Knuckles finally bumped
Mammoth Mogul off the page and out of the continuity.  Too much
effort has been invested in portraying him as a villain with
near-limitless power.  Something tells me that Knuckles's
outburst by itself wouldn't have done the trick.  Additionally,
the focus at the climax is more on Dimitri and Knuckles (in that
order).  Of course, it would REALLY be a hoot if MM simply
sidestepped Knuckles's plan and slipped inside Dimitri's body
himself the way he ended up inside the Master Emerald and the way
Naugus possessed the King in "Return of the King."  I wouldn't
put it past Ken to psych us out with THAT little maneuver, which
could be called the "All Of Me" Gambit.
     And as for Knuckles, all those who take his "death"
seriously stand on your head.
     I'll say it once more, this is a comic that has raised the
death cheat to an art form.  And Ken, who killed off a major Sega
character once before in "3 Phases of E.V.E." (S21) only to
resurrect him in the next issue, clearly has no intention of
taking Knuckles's demise seriously.  After all, even if you
didn't read the preview media and learn that there's a follow-up
story arc in the works called "Afterlife," all you have to do is
remember just how "dead" Athair has been.  For someone who's
supposed to have died, he's been a busy little Guardian. 
Unfortunately, his last major appearance was during the "Chosen
One" story arc, one of the things that put the horrible in "anno
horribilis."
     Even forgetting about Athair, all we have to do is remember
"Welcome To The Dark Side" (S100) and its interlude where the
recently-departed Tobor is conducted through the Guardian Pearly
Gates by Hawking.  Obviously, Ken isn't about to let Rad Red rest
in peace.  No, Ken's worked at telegraphing this particular punch
for well over a year now.
     Speaking of old plot points, note Lien-Da's thought balloon
on page [5] concerning Remington.  For those of you who can't get
there, Ken Penders let it be known on his message board that the
deep dark secret in the Constable's closet is that fact that
Lien-Da and the Constable are related.  I think she's his ma, but
I could be wrong.  It's a great story; I only wish I could have
taken the climactic development at the end seriously. 
Experience, however, prevents me from doing so.  Head Score: 8.
     EYE: The Dawn Best drawings, as choreographed by Ken
Penders, are first rate, when she doesn't get shortstopped by Ken
(see Sonic-Grams).  As I said, the picture of Vector freaking out
is priceless.  I just wish the ending lived up to the occasion. 
Reducing the reaction to Knuckles's fate to one panel definitely
cheapens the moment and prevents Dawn from doing anything
appropriate.  Eye Score: 9.
     HEART: Romy Chacon knew what she was doing in "The Tortoise
and the Hedgehog."  Even in the case of a 16-page story squeezed
into an 11-page layout, she still allowed space for Tommy's death
to sink in for Sonic and the readers.  Heck, even Ken allowed
some time for Sally's death to sink in in Part 1 of Endgame.  
Here, Ken is so intent on executing his well-telegraphed punch
that its power is to a certain extent lost by dropping it into
the last panel rather than stating the news a little earlier and
then letting it sink in.  Even worse, the thread won't be picked
up for a month if the "Next" tease is to be believed.
     I'd like to be wrong on this one, but I doubt that anyone
will open up any cybershrines for the demise of Knuckles.  I've 
been burned too often.  I simply can't bring myself to take
what's happened seriously enough to grieve.  And this isn't just
dime store-variety denial, either.  I know how this book
operates.  That's why I have to give the death of a major
character in this book a Heart Score of 2.

     Off-Panel: Who the heck drew THAT?  I not only had to read
it twice to get the joke (which is: If you put it on e-bay
someone will bid for it), but the artwork is a throwback not to
older Sonic comics but to the glory days of Mad Magazine.

     This Justin: Fred Gabrie does his part to vitiate the
emotional impact of the death (excuse me, "death") of Knuckles. 
If you haven't got the point by now you probably never will.  

     Sonic-Grams: Nick Pauquette praises Axer's artwork, while
Justin changes the subject to the DVD of Ep 2 of Star Wars and
how to access the blooper reel.  Tom Harritt says Yes to anime
styling and No to short stories; Justin replies that that's the
only way some subsidiary characters can get exposure.  Darwin
Sumuns asks about Knuckles: 20 Years Later (maybe it'll show up
some day), Lara-Su (whose return is put in the context of K:20YL
ever seeing the light of day), whether they're accepting fan
submissions (no way), and stories about subsidiary characters
(Ken, who takes over answering the letters at this point, calls
it a great idea with no plans for Archie Comics to follow through
at this point.  Darwin, that's what the Internet is for).  Carlos
DaSilma asks about Rouge and Shadow (no, they're not slated to be
regulars), Eggman/Robotnik (see first story), the obvious
difference in character modeling between Ken Penders and Dawn
Best (which confirms my own suspicions about the Knuckles art
lately), the true identity of Many Hands (dismissed as a
"gremlin"), Amy Rose's getting overlooked by the rest of the gang
(a complaint that's shown up on Ken's message board as well), and
Mina's disappearance from the story line.  And that's it for
2002.  In the words of James Joyce: "Should Old Aquinas be
forgot...."