Sonic The Hedgehog #164 [Sep 2006]
     Spaziante cover: Thus endeth the triptych.  Clockwise
from the top: Sonic sliding into third (installment), Athair,
Knuckles and the Underutilized Chaotix, Eggman, and about as
much of Naugus as I ever want to see again.

     "The Darkest Storm: Part 3: Downburst"  Yes Virginia,
there is such a thing as a downburst, even if my Spell Checker
thinks otherwise: "A downburst is a column of sinking air that
is capable of producing damaging straight-line winds of over
150 mph (240 km/h), often producing damage similar to, but
distinguishable from tornadoes." [Wikipedia]
     Story: Ian Flynn; Art: James Fry; Ink: Jim Amash; Color:
Jason Jensen; Lettering: Jonh E. Workman; Editor: uncredited;
managing Editor: Victor Gorelick; Editor-in-Chief: Richard
Goldwater.

     One of the great things about writing for comic books is
that you can knock off a sentence like "Ninja spiders used the
Sword of Acorns in Dr. Eggman's Egg Grape Chamber to open the
Zone of Silence" without having your sanity called into
question.  It's all part of the fun and games of this issue's
first-page exposition delivered by Anonymous, whose silhouette
is instantly recognizable to anyone who watched the SatAM
Sonic or Sonic Underground.  Give it up for ... Dr. Robotnik!
     But enough of that, let's go to where Sonic is back to
fist-fighting the Hapless Half-Dozen, re-christened the
Destructix.  What, he forgot how to spin-dash?  This is the
same beef I had with the conclusion of Line Of Succession
where Sonic is acting less like himself, but never mind.  It's
during the "tiresome" fight scene (Fiona's description, not
mine) that Sonic suggests that now might be a good time to
retrieve the Suh-wooooord and Crown ensemble.  Sonic snatches
the Crown from MM but when he puts it on Elias's head they
discover that Mogul has changed the Operating System so that
it's now user-unfriendly to them.
     That's when we get the even more tiresome entrance line
from Sir Connery: "Varlet, I say to thee Nay!"  Considering
Connery is a horse I was hoping that would have been spelled
"Neigh," but never mind.  We get a VERY wordy panel from Sir C
before Mogul locks Sonic out of the way and Ian brings us the
title bout, or "my final act" as Connery puts it.  Try to
drive the plot home a little harder there, big fella.  We
learn during his exposition that Connery received "this sword
of light, blessed with the power to destroy the darkness,"
from the Ancient Walkers, and that his real target is the
Source Of All as embodied in the Ensemble.  The endgame of the
fight is jazzy enough, but pretty confusing: the Crown and
Suh-wooooord are gone, but so is Sir Connery as his suit of
clothes are suddenly up for grabs.  Merlin explains that "He
used his very life to destroy the corrupted Source" and put a
useless plot point to rest once and for all.  Goodbye, Pool of
Goo.
     Just as the two sides are about to start mixing it up
again, though, enter Eggman with the same Armada that was
destroyed in the course of Sonic Heroes where destroying the
flagship somehow destroys every ship in the fleet.  I believe
that it happened because of a chain reaction with all kinds of
debris flying around and destroying the other ships; either
that, or Eggman gave the job to someone who put in a VERY low
bid on the contract.  In any event, Eggman gives the order to
"tag" the Destructix, which pleases A.D.A.M., but exhausts
Eggman who tells Sonic he'll settle his hedgehog hash another
time.
     At the funeral for Sir Connery's suit of clothes (they
couldn't very well bury the non-existent body), Sonic has to
do some tough talking to Elias to get him over Connery's death
cheat (see below).  But the end of the Source doesn't mean the
end of divine intervention as a plot device, as the comic
makes it clear that Aurora and Athair are still in the wings
(and, in the case of Athair, on this month's cover).  And as
Sonic delivers this issue's Moment of Zen by asking the
enigmatic question "What's up for Chuck's?"...
     We find that the Destructix have been made part of the
new vintage of egg grapes by Eggman, so these jokers will be
around to fight and lose another day.  And in case anyone
didn't get it at the beginning of the comic, A.D.A.M. informs
us that "ADAM Determines Anonymous's Movements."  

     HEAD: Well, THAT was much ado about precious little. 
Turns out Sir Connery was set up in order to be bumped off. 
His one-on-one with Mammoth Mogul was supposed to be the
pivotal duel in the story and his death the emotional lynch-
pin.  And neither the set-up nor the bring-down worked all
that well.
     Ian took a character who was little more than a walk-on
during the Knuckles's Quest arc and tried positioning him as a
major star of this piece.  Unfortunately, it didn't take. 
Connery's presence was as stiff and formal as his dialogue,
which fell back on pseudo-Elizabethan interjections such as
"Have at thee!' and "You shall be smote!"  Not the best way to
warm up to the audience.  He spent half his time in fights,
and not even doing that good a job of fighting, either.
     So why was he even here?  To be put out of his misery, it
would seem.  Here is a character about whom the readers didn't
care, a situation Ian didn't work all that hard to change. 
And his main contribution to the story is his own demise after
several stilted expositions.  He's the kind of character that
Trekkers call "phaser bait."
     Most disconcerting of all, though, is that his "death"
has all the earmarks of a death cheat instead.  In fact, it
bears a strong resemblance to one of the most famous death
cheats in late 20th century popular culture.  Here's a clue:
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you
could possibly imagine."
     I mean, come ON, people!  You have dueling knights from
feuding Orders.  You have Connery wielding a "sword of light"
(try reading those words and NOT thinking "light saber").  You
have reference to the "Chaos Force."  And you have Connery
making his exit leaving an empty suit of clothes behind.  Why
didn't Ian just tell us that Connery's first name was Obi-wan
and get it over with?
     Sure, Connery's clothes get a nice little funeral toward
the end, but immediately after the funeral we're assured that
Athair and Aurora are waiting in the wings even if the Ancient
Walkers have been pink-slipped.  So what's to stop me from
believing that Connery is keeping company with the two of them
as well?  Nothing.  Ian may not bring Connery into the story
in the future, but he's done nothing to stop future comic
writers or fanfic scribblers from doing so, though why anyone
would be interested in writing about that windy bore escapes
me.  I fear that at some point in the comic future, when the
residents of Knothole have need of him and the script calls
for it, that the Horse will be with them.  Sorry about that.
     And now a word about about Nack's Moment of Zen in the
previous issue.  The word I've gotten from a fan source is
that Ian had planned to eliminate the other three weasels, who
were in jail with him for taking part in the "Hearts Held
Hostage" arc (S122-123), by having Nack leave a tainted cake
or some other kind of poisoned pastry for them.  Assuming Nack
would be given free rein of the kitchen and infirmary in order
to whip it up.  And assuming that the tainted tarts found
their way to the right consumers.  And assuming that the
weasels would be stupid enough to chow down on anything that
suspicious.  OK, THAT one's not that big of a stretch.  But
it's easy to see where Editorial might have tugged on Ian's
chain when they read his original concept.
     This, too, is more death cheat than death.  It also means
that Nack's Moment of Zen is left hanging like a loose plot
thread.  Reportedly, Ian's attitude toward this non-existent
development is "Don't think about it too hard and let's
move on."  Great, but the rule is that if it doesn't appear
in the comic it isn't canon.  So we have an officially
dangling plot thread, one Ian's as much as acknowledged but
really can't address.  That's a lesson they don't teach you in
those books on how to write/draw for comic books.
     And again, as a way of thinning out the herd of the book
we have no real reason to CARE about the soon-to-be-late
weasels; they will be throttled off-panel and we're just
supposed to forget all about them.  Heck, I managed to do that
by S124.
     Ian does have one redeeming grace that's twice on display
in this installment: he KNOWS that the habit of making lengthy
declamations is something that only happens in comic books
nowadays, and he has both Mogul and Sonic inform Connery and
Elias (respectively) that they might want to dial it back a
little.  Nice to see Ian doesn't take all this too seriously. 
Head Score: 6.
     EYE: I don't know whether Ian WANTED Jim to telegraph the
ADAM/Robotnik connection, but it's out of the closet now.  Jim
does good work, especially when he gets the chance to do
Connery and Elias waving swords around in full or almost-full
figure.  The battle scenes, though, are muddled by their very
nature; Connery's fate was particularly not helpful.  Eye
Score: 8.
     HEART: Well, since noone anybody CARED about was written
out of the script or otherwise had their lives impacted, I'd
have to question the designation of this arc with the use of
the superlative "Darkest."  This story could have been WAY
darker.  And as the author of "Mobius Apocalypse," I think I'm
qualified to speak on the subject of "dark."  Heart Score: 3.


     [Sonic Riders: Part 2] I'll bet SOMEBODY got yelled at
for leaving off the title logo for the game they're trying to
plug.
     Story: Ian Flynn; Art: Tracy Yardley!; Ink: Jim Amash;
Color: John and Aimee Ray; Lettering: Teresa Davidson

     Sonic is supposed to be black-and-blue from his encounter
with the Babylon Rogues, but when you're blue to begin with,
it doesn't show all that much.  Knuckles and Tails, however,
see what we can't as Sonic brings them up to speed.  Tails
then brings in some equalizers: three airboards.  "And you
were making airboards ... why?" Sonic asks.  Unfortunately,
Tails does not answer "Duh!  They're part of the game we're
promoting!"  So the three of them face off against the Rogues
in a tangle of colorful contrails.  That enough of a game set-
up for ya?

     HEAD: This story actually worked better than "Darkest
Storm," and not just because it was shorter.  The Rogues have
definite personalities that come across better than Sir
Connery's bellowing macho knight act.  Well, Storm is the
weakest of the bunch.  But I liked the Wave-Tails interplay,
brief as it was, and her trash-talking Tails's board.  In the
end, this story's objective was simple: set up the game and
introduce the players, and Ian pulled it off well.  Head
Score: 9.
     EYE: I don't know if the colored contrails are a feature
of the game but Tracy Yardley's artwork (and the coloring by
Ray and Ray) make me think they OUGHT to be.  I especially
like the double helix by Wave and Tails in the first panel of
page [5].  Eye Score: 9.
     HEART: Sonic didn't have to look beat up, but knowing
that he got beat at all immediately puts the reader in his
corner, which sets up Tails's bringing in the boards to even
things up.  See, THIS is the way to pull readers into the
comic: put a character we care about in a situation we can
relate to, and then work out the resolution.  The business
with Connery in "Storm" failed because we never got to the
point of CARING about him in a story that was too quick to
wander off onto the field of battle.  But we've all run up
against our own limits, so we want to see how Sonic gets past
that.  It's probably ironic that the back story worked better
than the ballyhooed cover story, but it wouldn't be the first
time it's happened in this comic.  Heart Score: 9.