"Southern Crossover": Tails Miniseries [Dec 1995-Feb 1996] Review dated: Nov 2000 Story: Mike Gallagher; Art: Dave Manak (unless otherwise noted); Ink: Harvo; Lettering: Mindy Eisman; Coloring: Barry Grossman; Editorial: Fulop, Gorelick and Goldwater. Spaz/Harvo/Golden Age cover #1: Tails is beside himself, literally; not only is he in the air but he's astride Fluke the whale. Also visible are Ray the manta, Octobot, and a see- through CrocBot. Inside the front cover, a splash page of Ray and Tails, and I MEAN "splash" page. Why does anyone read comics? When I was a kid, my reasons were simple: they were cheap, colorful, and had to do with my favorite TV cartoons (I pretty much confined myself to the Gold Key adaptations of Hanna-Barbera toons). And when I got back into comics, I restricted myself to Sonic the Hedgehog comics, so it's nice to know I've been consistent. But I never got into any of the superhero books. The conventional wisdom WRT comics holds that comics are a kind of wish-fulfillment vehicle wherein pre- adolescent power fantasies are projected onto omnipotent fictional characters (either fantasy beings such as Superman and Wonder Woman, or else enhanced mortals such as Bruce Wayne or Captain America) to compensate for one's personal powerlessness in the face of a huge (and sometimes hostile) world. Personally, I found my world to be SO hostile that it was easier for me to believe in escaping to another universe than in the possibility of superheroes existing in THIS world...but I digress. Why does anyone WRITE comics? Not for the money, if what I hear about what Archie pays its creatives is true. So what's the explanation for "Tails To Astonish," the fan comic that appears throughout this story arc? In addition to following the conventional wisdom, it's also a really cute linking device that serves as prologue to each of the three installments, summarizing previous developments and setting us up to understand Tails' point of view. In ep 1 of "Captain Super Fox-Man, the Mutant Cyborg Clone" we discover that Tails is indeed doing the comic because he resents being "pushed around" by the others and so loses himself in a fantasy existence via the comic. In addition to a page of CSFMMCC (artwork by Mike Gallagher, who apparently couldn't resist), he also brings the reader up to speed on the developments of the "Growing Pains" arc which mercifully spares us the spectacle of watching the arc sputter and die in Part 2. Because everybody's a critic, Tails stashes his copy of the comic as Sally comes into view. After making an attempt at mending fences, Sally leaves. This allows Tails to take off with a ship full of oil and a boatload of attitude. Robotnik, meanwhile, is preparing a supply blimp to be sent to Downunda, scene for a lot of the upcoming action. He beats up on a SWATbot for pretty much reminding him of the fact that Robotnik lost his copy of the supply manifest (which is what's sent Tails off on this little junket in the first place). We then get comic relief from the remaining three gay SWATbots. I don't know WHY Mike Gallagher's writing and Dave Manak's artwork make me think that they're gay, they just do. To protect his shipment from detection, Robotnik uses an "umbrella cloak." Now let's see if I've got the logic figured out here. We're talking about a cloaking device that only partially disguises the blimp. The vulnerable spot: the underside, which just happens to be visible to...oh...let me make a guesstimate...JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY ON THE FREAKIN' PLANET!!! Can you say "Design flaw"? Rather than get his money back for the hardware, going back to the drawing board or simply installing the thing upside-down so that the blimp would only be visible to birds flying above it, Robotnik sends the thing out over water, which is pretty much uninhabited and where the blimp will mostly escape detection, thus rendering just about ANY cloaking measures superfluous. Everybody clear on all that? Good. Tails, aka Captain Super Fox-Man, the Mutant Cyborg Clone, detects the blimp simply by looking skyward. Reminds me of The Web, Steel Sterling, Captain Flag, and those other lame-o superheroes...er..."Mighty Crusaders"...that Archie was trying to resurrect. Wonder whatever became of them. The bio info on their portion of the Archie Comics site is dated "August" last time I checked but it doesn't say August of what year. It's no secret that the Sonic site has pretty much suffered from benign neglect since Paul Castiglia left the company. Aside from freshening up the fan art, nobody seems to care about it. Even the con information cited is literally last year's news. But let's move along. Tails flies up to investigate the curious sight of a poorly- cloaked aircraft, and gets a face full of disruptor for his trouble. He pulls out of the dive before hitting the drink, then dispatches a couple SWATbots by creating a waterspout. Returning to the sub, he finds himself on the bad side of a reunion with Octobot from "Submersible Rehearsal" (Triple Trouble Special). Octobot sinks the sub and pulls Tails under. Robotnik, meanwhile, is on the phone to CrocBot, a mean green machine. Like so many other writers for Sonic, Mike Gallagher's idea of an Aussie accent involves working the word "mate" (the form of address, not the verb) into a character's dialogue. CrocBot, however, has his own agenda: he dispatches a pack of "Wing Dingoes" (a fairly clever name, I'll have to admit) to guard the landing site, then goes into full Blabbering Villain mode about how he'll "eventually" get rid of Robotnik and take over the whole shootin' match. As he doesn't go into details we know he's doomed to failure. Back out at sea, Tails wakes up after having missed his own rescue. He and we are brought up to speed by The Forty Fathoms Freedom Fighters: Ray the manta, P.B. (the jellyfish, not the cartoon otters), Bottlenose the dolphin, Fluke the blue whale and Bivalve the clam. The details of the defeat of Octobot aren't worth rehashing. Tails hitches a ride to Downunda on Fluke. I'll save the "de-Tails" letter sections until the end, when I review the arc as a whole. Onward to: Spaz/Harvo/Golden Age cover #2. In a well-done cover (in terms of detailing on the Wing Dingoes as well as the composition as a whole), the Downunda Freedom Fighters (or some of them, anyway) come to the rescue as Tails shows off his bridgework and wonders Who Let The Dogs Out. Amazing how simply waiting five years can suddenly add new relevance to an old cover. Once again the prelude includes a one-page splash and an installment of CSFMMCC. Tails is taking a chance working on the comic while riding on the back of a whale; the end product could end up being oversaturated, though in a different way from Death Egg #2. But he's got the fantasy aspect of the comics business down correctly, as his comic version of events bears no resemblance whatsoever to the actual happenings in the previous installment, a situation that Tails admits to on the following page as part of the exposition. I have to wonder if, at this late date, it's useless to ask if anyone will take credit for Ray's line on page 1 panel 4: "Hang on, kid...[Fluke's] breathing!" Well, duh! If he wasn't breathing he wouldn't go nearly as fast, would he? But it's my theory that Mike Gallagher may actually have written it as "He's breaching," which is the correct term for what happens when a whale comes up for air. He breaches, or penetrates, the surface of the water. But either Gallagher changed his mind and dumbed it down himself, or letterer Mindy Eisman misread the line, or Scott Fulop changed it in which case he needs to brush up on his cetacean studies. Back offshore, Tails begins his approach unaware that CrocBot is tracking his advance and giving Robotnik the play-by- play (while keeping the color commentary to himself). Enter the Wing Dingoes, rather like the flying monkeys in "The Wizard of Oz." Tails manages to elude a few of the copper-colored canids before one puts the bite on one of his tails. He's forced to make a not-so-soft landing as the pack closes in. This is as good a time as any for The Dramatic Entrance of THIS issue's band of extras, the Downunda Freedom Fighters. They are, in no particular order: Wombat Stu, who's lemon yellow and wears a John Deere cap for no real reason; Guru, an emu who's a throwback to the Sixties; Duck "Bill," who's such a misshapen green...thing...you wouldn't know he was a platypus unless someone told you; and Walt the transsexual wallaby. OK, technically males ALSO have pouches but they sure don't keep babies in 'em, unless that's how they refer to their...uh, never mind. And just when you thought Dave Manak couldn't do a worse job of character design, enter Barby koala. I don't know how many koalas I've seen in zoos, in cartoons, in photographs, on Qantas commercials, etc. They're very appealing animals, visually: plump gray furballs with large prominent noses which they use to sniff out the oil in eucalyptus leaves, the staple item of the koala diet. The skinny, white-furred, button-nosed cutie on display here looks NOTHING LIKE a koala. She looks more like a tricked-up lab rat! And the true tragedy is that these are the character designs that subsequent Archie artists are stuck with! Enough venting: back to the action. After the DFF (with the exception of Guru) rough up the Wing Dingoes a bit, the doggies retreat just in time for Tails to pass out. While gathered around Tails, the DFF don't notice the Alpha Dingo circling back to snatch Stu, the group's designated redshirt. While Walt takes Tails to "the old man," the others head off to rescue Stu. CrocBot has to do some fast tap-dancing when he realizes that he's lost some of his Dingoes and that the Downunda Freedom Fighters are on the job, but he's able to cover by putting Stu on display as a prisoner. As Robotnik takes care of business elsewhere Crocbot scopes out Guru, Bill and Barby as they approach a "Crocbot style fortress" loosely patterned after the Sydney Opera House (which I'm sure everyone has seen enough of during coverage of the 2000 Olympics). Mike takes the opportunity to see if anyone's interested in his doing "an untold tale of the Downunda Freedom Fighters," much as he tried to solicit interest in a story about "the bunyip" in "Outback Gut Check (S61), with the same results. As the DFF head off to rescue Stu and intercept the blimp, we cut to "the crater," where Tails is regaining consciousness. Though he's supposed to be very much wounded, Tails drags his carcass into a nearby cave and encounters The Ancient Walkers. We know it's them 'cause it says so right on the back wall. "They are your forebearers [sic], young Miles Prower," a mysterious figure says as he questions whether Tails is "The Chosen One." And thus are we introduced to Athair, Knuckles great-grandfather. He looks imposing enough with that Klingon forehead of his, but would look moreso if those rasta beads he's wearing didn't look so much like Life Savers(tm). And what's with the rubber flip-flops? Spaz/Harvo/Heroic Age cover: CrocBot picks on The Little Guy while Athair takes time out to read the read-outs on the outside of the tank the Croccer is riding in. After a dry splash page of Tails with the DFF, we come to the latest installment of "Tails To Astonish," which despite the superhero trappings actually manages to edge toward the truth. But Athair plays editor and tells Tails that he's got more pressing business elsewhere. "Knowledge cures all," Athair declares, sounding a bit like a Christian Scientist. Instead of taking Tails to a Reading Room, however, he escorts him to the Ancient Walker Museum wherein Athair rehashes the events from the "Sense of History" arc. He adds, however, that the Floating Island can never again fit into the crater, thus papering over what could have been a rather messy plot discrepancy. After stating that Knuckles is his great-grandson, Tails's reaction is basically "Great, I'm outta here," but is nabbed before he can get past the Gift Shop by one of the Walkers. CrocBot, meanwhile, has his claws full to the extent that he can't set up the gantry to catch the blimp on its first pass. He decides to deal with the DFF using an "ultimate weapon" with a truly horrible name: the CD-ROM RAM. The military merino launches itself at the DFF while CrocBot, momentarily forgetting about the blimp (and I don't mean Robotnik), watches amused. We then get a heaping helping of Mobian pre-history. You might want to put on a recording of Stravinsky's "Sacre du Printemps" while you read this, as it was the mood music for the dino sequence in the original "Fantasia": We're informed that life evolved slowly on Mobius, thus putting Gallagher at odds with any Mobian creationists in the audience. The first lifeforms were shapeless masses given to bad puns, and they quickly found work in the comic book industry. Fast-forwarding to the dino age during which two classes of creatures emerged: herbivores and Management. But this state of affairs was interrupted when Chaos emeralds fell from...somewhere.... Alternatively worshiped and exploited they were, down to the time of Dimitri and Robotnik. Amazingly, Gallagher manages to get his science almost right when he states that "absolute energy cannot be created or destroyed." Actually, it's MATTER that cannot be created or destroyed, and thanks to Einstein the line between matter and energy is sort of blurry, so there you are. Then we get to the mystical capper: "The infinite power of the Chaos emeralds shall realign for a higher purpose! The Chosen One who shall gather them will walk amongst you...and the Great Harmony shall begin!" Turns out that all the preceding has been channeled through Tails by Athair. For his part, Tails is suddenly hale and hearty, so it's unclear whether it's knowledge or bad writing that cures all. Athair then makes himself scarce as Barby drops in, literally. She brings Tails up to speed on the CD-ROM RAM and they take off. Tails, it turns out, isn't much help anyway with the RAM as Walt makes lambchops out of the beast using a Bomberang. I guess if he ever threw one and it missed he'd have to be a pretty good catcher or else run like crazy. So Tails and Barby attack CrocBot by flying in through an open window! And this character thought he could outwit Robotnik? As Robotnik's blimp does its tribute to the Hindenberg crash, Barby rescues Stu while CrocBot loosens some of Tails's teeth and escapes. He drives off in a tank while the DFF do pretty much nothing. Tails arrives, exchanges Barby for Guru, then flies off after the fleeing villain. A Bomberang blows out a set of treads, CrocBot loses control and drives off into "the crater." Scratch one villain...NOT! (See "Endgame") Back at the beach, Tails rejects the DFF offer for him to remain in one of the quickest and phoniest changes of heart I've ever seen. The drawing of Tails in the last panel on page 21 looks totally funky as well. But he's gotta get out of here, so Bottlenose and Manta from the FFFF show up with the Sea Fox fully repaired. Pretty neat trick for a group of creatures with no opposable thumbs. In fact, Bottlenose credits Brain Coral (who wouldn't have hands at all) with fixing it. It's obvious Mike wants to wrap this up ASAP so I won't stand in his way. HEAD: Overall the story works. All the elements are there: Robotnik plot, heroic attempts by Tails (almost all of which fail, I should note), TWO sets of auxiliary Freedom Fighters, the guest appearance by Athair. No heavy-handed subplots or loose continuity to distract the reader. Except for one.... Twice Gallagher has tried soliciting reader interest in possible side-stories: one about the DFF and the other about the "bunyip" (as cited above). Neither idea seems to have gotten the fans clamoring for more. So WHY did the business about Tails and The Chosen One turn out to have legs? Why have fans persisted in wanting to see it come to pass for going on five years now? Why has Ken Penders been pestered in his chat sessions with questions as to when he's going to write it? One word answer: Tails. Tails is part of the franchise not just because he's part of the game continuity, and not just because he's cute (a not inconsiderable factor, really). He is also a classic archetypal character. In the great fairy tales and legends of the world it's the least likely character who turns out to be pivotal: the youngest child, the orphan, the smallest, the simplest. It's classic stuff: David and Goliath, Jack and the beanstalk, even Cinderella (who had nothing going for her at the beginning of the story). The fans, and especially the Tails fans, picked up on this in an instant and to date many STILL have not let go. There have been hints along the way that this plot point will eventually see the light of day, and at this point [Nov 2000] it appears that it will finally happen at some point once Sonic #100 is a memory. For the Tails fans, it can't come too soon. Head Score: 8. EYE: A typical Manak performance, with artwork more suited to humor than action. And speaking of suits, I'm glad Archie eventually wised up and recast the Ancient Walkers, turning them from Godzilla-suited extras wearing Trader Vic tiki masks to the simple floating heads on display later in the book. Too bad they didn't retool the DFF members while they were at it. Duck "Bill" is just plain ugly, and Manak returned to that model in "Outback Gut Check," while (lemme say it again) Barby doesn't look anything like a koala. Eye Score: 4. HEART: This story had serious potential, which Mike Gallagher unfortunately mishandled. He had a solid premise in Tails's resentment at being treated like a kid (despite the fact that, let's face it, he IS a kid). It was the lead-off motif for the series, and a recurring plot point in the Tails fan comic. With that in mind, why didn't Gallagher do more with it? Why, for instance, at the beginning of part 3, couldn't Tails have grudgingly admitted that maybe he WAS in over his head? He certainly had the bruises to show for it while recuperated. It would have further enhanced Athair's stock to have asked Tails some pointed questions. But the plot point never really got developed outside of the prologues. And when it came time to wrap things up, Tails's emotional resolution is crammed into one lousy panel on page 21 of part 3. This is where a novel is superior to a comic. In a novel there's more room for development, for the character's point of view to evolve. Here, the resolution just wasn't satisfying. OK, it didn't satisfy ME. I'd have reworked the ending pages something along these lines: Instead of the line from Manta or Bottlenose at the bottom of page 21 we get an offscreen "A-HEM!" Turning, Tails is startled to see Sonic, Tails and Bunnie standing up the beach. He happily runs toward them, starting to say "Boy, am I ever..." then slams on the brakes when he (and we) notice their cross expressions and he finishes the thought "...in big trouble!" "Well, Miles Prower," Sally says, "what do you have to say for yourself?" "She called me by my full name!" Tails thinks, "I'm doomed!" He looks from one Freedom Fighter to another, then notices that Sonic has turned his back to him. "Sonic?" he asks hesitantly before Sonic whirls around and...hugs the stuffing out of the kid (Sonic's face can be hidden to placate The Powers That Be). "Tails, honey," Bunnie says with a smile, "y'all had us worried sick!" Then Sally gets to supply the exposition: When Tails failed to return by suppertime, Sonic went to look for him and found the Sea Fox gone. Doing an aerial search from the Freedom Fighter Special which has been converted into a sea plane, they spot the wreckage of the Sea Fox. Rotor dives down to check it out and everyone fears the worst when they get the news (a great opportunity for a drawing of Bunnie and Sally in each other's arms, crying their eyes out). That's when Bottlenose shows up, asks them what's going on and tells them that Tails is alive and in Downunda. That would give the group reason to get down there, with Rotor able to repair the Sea Fox en route if need be. I mean, c'mon: repaired by a piece of coral!? Like I said, this sort of thing I find more emotionally satisfying. But then again what do I know? I don't write comic books. Still, it was a masterful set-up with a hasty conclusion. Heart Score: 4. DeTails: Even back then Editorial had a hard time keeping a firm grip on the comics. In Tails #1 the blurbs promised for S28 and S29 ended up being for S29 and S30, respectively, though it got sorted out by Tails #2. Warren Rogers's question about Tails parents was indeed "eventually" answered by Mike Gallagher in his infinitely superior "Eve of Destruction" (SSS*). One of Tails's more rabid fans identifies herself as a 14-year-old female; already serious questions were being raised about the comic's core audience. The Bunnie solo stories promised to Mikeenna Pierotti never materialized, and there were no letters at all in DeTails #3.