Sonic #80 [Mar 2K] Spaz/Harvo/Josh D. Ray cover: Sonic suffering from abdominal implosion (looks weird, but still better than a beer gut), Knuckles with the OCR symbol covering his naughty bits, Big the Cat, Froggy, and Eggbotnik trying to do that arched eyebrow thing. Sorry, Doc, but John Belushi was way better at it. Credits and Summary page, along with art by parties uncredited. Since the cancellation of the Knuckles line, this little feature takes on even greater importance as the Ken Penders stories that would have run in K33-34 have had to be shoehorned into the Sonic comic with the result that this issue also has three stories where the plot lines don't necessarily coincide. Yet. "If Wishes Were Acorns" Story: Karl Bollers: Art: James Fry; Ink: Andrew Pepoy; Lettering: Jeff Powell; Color: Frank Gagliardo; Editorial: G- Force. We return to the rustic reliquary in time to witness the end-results of Amy Rose's transformation. Looks more like a garden-variety makeover if you ask me. But she HAS aged. All of two years! She stated in the last installment that she was the same age as Tails, and he's still 10, last time I checked. Not exactly what Tom Hanks went through in "big" and hardly worth the effort, IMHO. At least they didn't go through all the hoo-ha that accompanied Sonic's makeover in "Retro Activity" (S71). And it wasn't even all that unanticipated. Anyone who follows Sonic fanfic knows that the aging of characters (e.g., getting Tails comfortably past puberty) via power rings or chaos emeralds or some other device has been a staple of the work of Robert Brown and Francis Tolbert from the beginning. Before the Archie Legal Dept. starts making rude remarks about my family, let me address the subject of what I like to call Plot Gridlock. It's my conviction that there is only a finite number of really good stories out there and that there's a lot of room for variations on the same. In the case of Sonic, the fanfic authors got to some of them first simply because the writers for the comics are working under constraints that don't exist for the fanfic scribblers, whether those constraints are imposed by external forces (the Comic Code Authority, Archie's guidelines of what's acceptable) or internal forces (what an author can bring him/herself to write and still keep their self-respect and/or a straight face). This is not to say that Karl Bollers knows anything about Brown and Tolbert's fanfic, which he's not supposed to know about anyway because of the restraints put on him and every other creative by Archie's Legal Department (and it's an industry-wide practice, so I don't want to sound like I've singled out Archie here). It only means that Bollers needed a quick-and-dirty way to age Amy Rose to bring her into line with the SA model and he went with the use of a power ring plot device. Plot Gridlock can also set in when it comes to themes. I know because I've been there myself. One of the themes of my 1998 fanfic "Runaway" was that of Belonging: when one of the Knothole Freedom Fighters discovers their family in the course of the story, they have to decide whether to stay with them or return to Knothole. This sounds rather like the dilemma faced by Woody in "Toy Story 2," but I would never go so far as to think that my idea had somehow been ripped off. In fact, I could argue that the theme goes back at least as far as the Bible -- specifically to the book of Exodus where Moses had to decide whether to stay with the household of Pharaoh or to ally himself with his enslaved kinfolk.... OK, I'm getting too serious again. Back to the comic book. So Amy Rose has just gone through a transformation, the physical and psychological after-effects of which are unknown, and did so after presuming to use royal property without permission. Even Nate Morgan wants a "proper chance to examine her." So she's grounded, right? Wrong! She gets to go along with Sonic and the others. Makes perfect sense! Of course, we all know the real reason for her going and for the transformation: she's a playable SA character, which is more than can be said for Nate, Bunnie, Antoine and Sally. Me, I'd have left Sally, Bunnie and Antoine in Knothole (Sally to be with her mom, Bunnie and Antoine to avoid confusion) and grounded Amy Rose (though she'd have stowed away anyhow). Makes a bit more sense than THIS scenario, if I do say so. But maybe that's why I'm not a comic book writer. Speaking of Sally and her mom, Sal communes with Queen Alicia in a touching scene that, unfortunately, misfires at the end. For should the queen awaken, she'd see this written on her tube: I EVOL 4 U REVE. Reminds me of the classic routine by the 4-man comedy troupe, The Firesign Theater. In their killer spoof of an old-time radio show about a hard-boiled detective, "Nick Danger, Third Eye," Nick has the following line: "I was sitting in my office listening to the monotonous staccato of rain on my desk top and reading my name on the glass of my office door: REGNAD KCIN." Having Sally say the words instead of writing them would have kept the scene emotionally moving and not opened the door to the "Now wait as minute..." factor. And speaking of farewells, Sonic is taking leave of his folks and has been given the following heartfelt dialogue: "I will," "I won't," "I can't." The scene on page 4 shows the same weakness as the scene between Sonic and his parents in "Changes" (S78), made all the more incredible because Jules and Bernie literally have to put words in Sonic's mouth. This is an indication of just how tight the Sega-imposed emotional strait- jacket on Sonic is. Mina is impressed by the fact that Sonic has a "softer side;" unfortunately, Sonic has to rely on ventriloquism to express his feelings. Nate then stirs the continuity pot even more than usual by stating that the hyoomon inhabitants of the City of the Ancients are "five-fingered Overlanders" whereas the Os on Mobius have 4 fingers. Tails is freaked by this news and so was I, so much so that I reviewed the comics for 1999 and compiled the following digit data: S69: "Weathering The Storm": 5 fingers on Ariel and Athena (Sam Maxwell, artist) S70: "Statue of Limitations": 5 fingers on the human Archivist (Chris Allan) S72: "I, Robotnik:" 4 fingers on the Overlanders (Steve Butler) S72: "Shot Heard Round The World": 4 fingers on the Overlanders (Art Mawhinney) S73: "The Big Bad One": 5 fingers on the Overlanders (Art Mawhinney) S74: "Enter Robotnik" [1 page prelude]: 5 fingers on Nate Morgan (Chris Allan) S75: "I Am The Eggman": 4 fingers on RoboRobotnik, 5 fingers on Eggman (Steve Butler) S76: "Another Point of View": 5 fingers on Overlanders (Chris Allan) S77: "For Better or Worse": 5 fingers on Overlanders (Chris Allan) S78: "What Really Happened": 5 fingers on Overlanders (Chris Allan) S79: "Life Underground": 5 fingers on Robotnik and Snively (Chris Allan) K25: "Childhood's End": 5 fingers on Overlanders (Manny Galan) K30-32: "King Of The Kill" story arc: 4 fingers on Overlander (Ken Penders) SSS8: "Zone Wars: Prelude": 4 OR 5 fingers on Negaverse Robotnik, depending on what panel you look at (James Fry) SSS10: "Zone Wars: Tale of Two Hedgehogs": 5 fingers on Dr. Kintobor, 4 fingers on the Sonic Underground Robotnik (James Valentino) SSS11: "Family": 5 fingers on Ariel and Athena (Colleen Doran) Conclusion: Nate doesn't know what he's talking about, or else none of the creatives really give a rat's rump as to how many fingers the Overlanders are supposed to have. And as if to underscore the point that the motto of the Archie creatives appears to be "Continuity Be Damned!" we see yet one more incarnation of the Freedom Fighter Special. This aircraft has literally been redesigned from stem to stern every time a new artist takes a crack at it. And no way am I going to take Nate's "explanation" of the homage to the Sonic anime (the volcanic island) with anything remotely resembling seriousness. We get into serious SA territory when the group finds a mine cart which they pile into. No "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" action here; in the game, the cart is good for short hops only. And so with a collective gasp and a two-page spread, the Knothole crowd arrives at Station Square, aka the Hidden City of the Ancients. HEAD: Big problems with the set-up. I didn't buy Amy Rose's transformation, I didn't buy the reasoning behind her going along with the others, and I didn't buy a word of what Nate Morgan said at any time! Karl even hedges his bets to the extent of implying that Amy Rose's growth spurt is possibly temporary, and the end result implies a dismaying lack of pride in one's work. Pressure from a Sega-imposed deadline is the ONLY explanation behind something this slipshod. Head Score: 3. EYE: Frank Strom once e-mailed me that Archie's idea of prepping an artist to work on the Sonic comic is to hand them 4 or 5 back issues and to throw the artist into the deep end of the pool. So Fry can be forgiven for redesigning the Freedom Fighter Special yet again. Somewhat. He can also be forgiven for trying to depict the softer side of Sonic while Sega had him in a full nelson. Eye Score: 7.5. HEART: I don't know what would have been worse: leaving pages 3 and 4 out, or leaving them in despite their flaws. The Sally-Queen Alicia scene started out promising and then went south. As for Sonic and his parent, I felt like I was watching Edgar Bergen: "Gee, you can't even see his lips move!" If this is what Sonic has to go through to take part in a simple group hug with his own PARENTS, I despair of his ever having anything remotely resembling a love life. Dude may as well enter a monastery as soon as he gets back to Knothole! Heart Score: 2. "Land Fall" Story: Ken Penders; Art: Steve Butler; Ink: Pam Eklund; Lettering: Vickie Williams; Color: uncredited but I'm assuming Frank Gagliardo; Editorial: Need you ask? Knuckles arrives in Haven, where the Brotherhood doesn't appear to be of much help in the current crisis. This happened on Thunderhawk's watch, so he shifts the blame to Hunter's sabotage from the "King of the Hill" arc. And after viewing an installment of "Constable Remington Presents: More Amazing Attack Videos" he suggests two possible courses of action: put the island back where it was, or go after the party responsible. Knuckles then takes this rather inopportune moment to clash with Locke about the decision that the Brotherhood handed down in "My Special Friend" (K29). And even Spectre appears to be having second thoughts. But be that as it may, Knuckles figures out that of the two courses of action that have been proposed, number 2 will have to take place before number 1 so he takes off after Eggbotnik. Julie-Su and what's left of the Chaotix, meanwhile, are checking out the damage to the Chaos Chamber. Just then, Espio announces that the new neighbors have dropped by. And since the Island dropped down off the coast of the Mysterious Cat Country, these must be the Mysterious Country Cats. Which actually sounds like a pretty good name for a bar band. Besides, "Sonic Underground" has already been taken. HEAD: The plot here is way tighter than in "If Wishes Were Acorns," so that's a plus. I was also impressed by the conflict between Knuckles and Locke. It not only establishes that Knuckles isn't simply a tool of the Brotherhood, it also foreshadows the generational conflict that's part and parcel of the Tikal subplot. I'm a little leery of the Mysterious Country Cats, though, as they have absolutely nothing to do with the SA storyline. I suppose they're there to keep the Chaotix and the Brotherhood occupied while Knuckles does his thing. Head Score: 8. EYE: I don't know why Butler's rendering of Knuckles looks so...creepy. Knuckles looks like he's got a lightbulb head, especially on page 3. Generally impressive otherwise. Eye Score: 7. HEART: Ever since "Childhood's End" (K25), Knuckles has been acting a little too much like a small boy in awe of Locke, and it's more appropriate to his age to start showing some independence. So I liked his questioning Locke's judgment WRT Princess Sally. How much of a chance he'll get to be his own echidna once the SA adaptation is over and he goes back to living in Sonic's shadow is hard to say. Heart Score: 8. "Swallowing Trouble" Story: Ken Penders; Art: Jim Valentino; Ink: Ken Penders; Color: Frank Gagliardo; Lettering: Vickie Williams; Editorial: G- Force. According to Andrew Sautter, who sent me the SA game play tape, Big is "not the brightest bulb in the chandelier" but he's got life figured out to the point where he doesn't even have to get off his back to hook himself a meal in the nearby stream. He may or may not be one of the Mysterious Cat Country residents, but this guy's about as mysterious as Garfield. His sole companion is Froggy, whom Ken has had to invest with a personality because he doesn't have any lines at all in the game. Froggy's curiosity about what appears to be a strange puddle gets the better of him, not knowing that this is Chaos making a guest appearance. The encounter leaves Froggy with a tail as he does an Amy Rose in reverse (frogs SHED their tails as they develop). Big wakes up to witness not only this turn of events but Froggy's capture by one of Eggbotnik's bots. Big's attempt to rescue his "buddy" is definitely one-sided, but he goes off in pursuit of the frognapper. HEAD: Bless you, Ken Penders! Because Big comes off like a big dope in the English-language SA, I was afraid that Ken would portray the cat as a furry version of Moose from the Archie flagship comic. Yet even that judgment of mine (colored by the fact that I've avoided the Archie comics for years) has had to be tempered by recent (for me) developments. My sister-in-law, who works in disabled student services at the University of Illinois at Chicago, is one of a handful of people in the country who know how the Americans With Disabilities Act applies to NCAA schools, and of how many college athletes who would have been dismissed as belonging to the "dumb jock" stereotype actually have legitimate learning disabilities that would qualify them for ADA coverage. Yet it may not be all that much of a secret because at some point Archie Comics outed Moose as being dyslexic. I wrote to the Archie Comics column on the Comic's Web site, but have yet to receive a reply as to when this happened and under what circumstances. The bottom line, though, is that it shows Archie Comics to be a bit more enlightened than I'd thought. Though this doesn't excuse them for publishing the 4-color mind rot known as "Sabrina." And I'm glad Ken didn't portray Big as being dumb as a box of rocks. Of all the characters who've cluttered up the comic to date Big has a lot of breakout potential, and it would go to waste if the cleverest thing he can say at any given moment is "Duh, Froggy?" Big's devotion to Froggy throughout the SA storyline is something to build on. He may not be sharp, but it's easy to imagine him as having a heart as big as the rest of him. Speaking of Froggy, the team of Big and Froggy, if handled correctly, could add to the tone of the book. Froggy seems to have no illusions about his partner's intelligence, so he could be the "brains" of the duo. They could turn out better than the pairing of Heavy and Bomb whose attempt at comic relief in "The Many Facets of the Truth" (K21) was less than spectacular. Head score: 9. EYE: Once again, Jim Valentino surprises me with a straight- up rendering of the characters without the Spawn-like flourishes that cluttered up his work for the Dark Alliance arc (K22-24). Simple yet convincing. Eye Score: 8. HEART: Big's friendship with Froggy is an inescapable part of the game, and I'm glad Ken left it in the storyline. It's something to build on, and shouldn't get lost amidst the flash and action. Heart Score: 9. Off-Panel: The new Botnik on the block gets a taste of office humor, Archie Comics-style. Sonic-Grams: Justin writes about adapting the game's story line and only hints at the kind of grief they went through trying to put together a story involving the comic continuity, the Japanese storyline translated into English, and the American version which appears to be at odds with the Japanese at some points. Me, I'd have told Spaz to stick with his drawing board and asked for copies of the Japanese and American scripts. If I'd been in Spaz's place, I'd still be trying to get past the opening screen! Letters: Kelley Gillespie is told that Mina is a mongoose. That hissing sound you hear in the background is every cobra in the world laughing itself sick. Find Your Name: The good news is, the proprietor of one of the best of all Sonic Web sites is finally acknowledged; the bad news is, it's "Alessandro" not "Alessandra." BTW, the site is at www.franken.de/users/deco/. Fan Art includes Sonic and Knuckles as a couple of blockheads; Pro art is by Nelson Ortega and Harvo recalling those thrilling days before Endgame. They must be cleaning out the attic at Archie or something.