Case Study on Money with the Blended Family

              Keisha and James met at the Chinese Restaurant Saturday night.  They started this new page in their lives several months ago, when they would get together and talk out the issues from their childhood and work at making peace with one another.  Their new found relationship was growing and going really good.  They had ironed out most of the serious hurts from their past and now this evening they were not planning on any serious conversation but just having fun and developing a closer bond with one another.  As they talked they spent most of the evening laughing at some of the terrible things they had done to one another.  It was not funny at the time, but recollecting the torture they put one another through had them laughing so loudly that other people in the restaurant began to think that they must of had too much to drink. 

              At some point toward the end of the meal Keisha made the comment, “I was the one who had to constantly deal with my resentment that Mom and Dad liked you better.”  Laughingly James retorted, “That’s crazy, you got the good grades, you were mommies little girl, they definitely liked you best.”  Such a statement stunned Keisha, and suddenly this conversation wasn’t funny any more.  In a very serious tone, she insisted, “No, you have been their favorite and you still are their favorite, Mom and Dad puts you through college, helps pay for your car, still helps pay a lot of your bills.  And I resent the fact that you can’t admit that you always got the preferential treatment over me.”  James was not sure if Keisha was serious or just playing with him.  The mood had been very fun-loving up till now, so he decided to play along, teasing her back, partially tongue-in-cheek he pointed out.  “Well, this is the way I see it, Mom and Dad spent a fortune on both your weddings, to make their little princess happy.  Your kids have so many presents from Mom and Dad you could open your own toy store.  And don’t even go there talking about my bills, at least I pay them back way more than you do!” 

              Keisha was definitely no longer having fun.  She had much stronger resentment toward her step-brother for having to play second-fiddle to him than she previously realized.  “Since the time you entered my life till now you have taken from me everything that was mine and now you’re the one playing the victim to me?” Keisha’s emotions were at a boiling point, it was evident to most people that this conversation had gone out of control.  But not to James, he was still confused as to what was actually going on.  Stupidly he announced, “This is the same old story, this is how you always play Mom and Dad, “Feel sorry for me, I’m the victim, give me, give me, give me.” It works on them baby, but don’t expect me to buy it.”  James realized that Keisha wasn’t kidding around anymore about the time her Diet Coke splashed into his face and her plate flew into his lap.  Wiping pop out of his eyes he got a glimpse of Keisha storming from the table as she loudly announced, “You can buy this then, baby.”  

              When James got home that evening, his wife Robin saw the condition of his clothes and started laughing.  “Have a nice supper with Keisha, Sweetie?” She asked.  Hearing her laughter started him laughing too.  James went into the bedroom to clean up and told Robin about the whole evening from beginning to end.  When he was finished Robin keenly saw an insight that had eluded James.  “This wasn’t about who is the favorite you know?”  “It isn’t?” James answered.  “No, you are both fearful that the other is going to use up more of the source of your money, your parents.”  “What?” James muttered.  “You both see your parents as a source of financial gain, and you both get jealous when you think the other is getting more.”  James remembered how horribly jealous he was about how much his Dad spent on Keisha’s weddings, so he couldn’t disagree with Robin about that.  “Go on.” He insisted.  Robin thought for a moment and then added, “The two of you need to stop looking to your parents to provide for you and look for God to provide.  Everything we get financially is a gift from God; our jobs, our income, extra money from your parents.  They are all channels that God works through, they are not the source.  God is the source.  Once the two of you get it through your heads that channels may come and go but the source never changes you can stop fighting about your Mom and Dads money because they are only a channel not the source.

Discussion Questions:

1.  Are you and your spouse fearful at times that you may loose part of your source of income?

2.  If you stopped viewing your job as your source of income and started seeing God as your source of income how would that change some of the arguments the two of you may have had over money?   Would you stop being fearful of not having enough money?

3.  Do your arguments about money focus on what you don’t have and what you can’t do?   Why is this logic flawed?   

4.  Who does money belong to?  Does it belong to God or the world?

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