Case Study on Sharing Responsibilities with Raising Grandchildren

              For three days Jeffery stayed locked up in his room, he wouldn’t eat, he wouldn’t talk.  He just wanted to be left alone.  Sylvia spent those days doing some thinking on her own, some personal soul searching.  She carefully evaluated her motives and behaviors regarding Jeffery and she was not pleased with her conclusions.  She didn’t know why Jeffery had this sudden unexplained bout of depression but she felt sure that somehow she was responsible for it.  Maybe not directly, but at the core, at the root of the problem, she had not given him enough tough love to force him away from his boyhood ways and start taking his manly responsibilities seriously.

              Sylvia realized that one of her secret wishes was that Jeffery would go on needing her forever.  And related to that – her care would bring him happiness.  But Sylvia’s secret wish fell crashing down at her feet as each day passed and Jeffery would not be comforted.   From Sylvia’s perspective for many years Jeffery seemed very happy.  So Sylvia sat back and relaxed feeling good about her mother-like nurturing and grandparenting efforts.  Yes, she had concerns about Jeffery becoming a success in life.  But deep down, privately, she believed that as long as he was happy success in life would eventually come.

              Sylvia had to admit, seeing how deeply Jeffery was emotionally troubled, that Jeffery’s struggles were his own problems and not hers to be shared vicariously.  It was one thing for her to take his happiness to heart making it like her own, but now that he had these problems she realized she needed to let go because she couldn’t shoulder his burdens for him the rest of his life.  If Jeffery was ever going to be able to deal with life he needed to face life and he couldn’t do that living with his grandparents.  It was going to take some very tough love but in order for him to become a man she knew she needed to pull the plug on Jeffery’s free ride. 

              Jeffery had promised Lousia that he would get out of bed and spend the morning with her on Wednesday.  This was encouraging to Sylvia, that he was finally coming out of his room, but she was determined that what he need was to be forced out into the real world for good.  Sylvia discussed these things with Joe and they both cried, but deep down agreed that it was the right thing to do.  While Jeffery was at Lousia’s house Joe and Sylvia packed all of Jeffery’s clothes and special things in suitcases and loaded them up in the back of the truck.  They hid the truck in the barn and sat on the sofa waiting for Jeffery to return home.     

              Jeffery arrived around 2 o’clock in the afternoon looking for lunch.  Sylvia brought him into the kitchen and made him a sandwich.  Joe and Sylvia sat silently on either side of him as he ate.  Making Jeffery suspicious that something was up.   Jeffery figured that his grandparents had somehow learned about how he lost his lifesavings and he was expecting a lecture.  But after he finished eating, Sylvia sat strait up and put on her stoic expression, Joe began to cry.  Then they began to explain how much they loved him and because they loved him so much they needed to let him go.  They gave him two choices.  They had arranged for him to meet with an Army recruiter to join the military or they could go to Holman where Sylvia’s nephew Frank owned a construction company.  Actually, they knew that joining the military was not a real option but they figured compared to joining the military and leaving Lousia, working for Frank would be the easy choice.  Frank told Sylvia he would give Jeffery an entry level job and teach him to someday become a builder.  Jeffery was too stunned to know what to say.   Joe said, “You need to make your decision now because your things are packed in the truck and I need to know where to take you.”  “Why do I have to decide right now?”  Jeffery asked.  Grandpa Joe explained, “Because if we put this off, we probably wouldn’t have the ability to go through with it tomorrow.  Let’s go, if you need time to decide, you can decide in the truck.”  Grandma Sylvia was crying as she hugged Jeffery for a long time and said “goodbye” at the door. 

              Joe took Jeffery to Holman where Frank had told Sylvia he had a friend who would rent a little furnished one room apartment to Jeffery.  Sylvia had packed a week’s worth of groceries in with Jeffery’s things.  Joe paid the first month’s rent and then told Jeffery from now on he had to be on his own.  Frank would be by at 6 AM to take him to work at the construction site in the morning.  All in all Jeffery seemed to be excited about the prospect of living on his own and working for his cousin Frank.  Joe made sure Jeffery understood that he was welcome to come back home to visit anytime, then he made the long drive back to the farm alone.

              Sylvia was waiting for Joe on the porch as he arrived home from the trip. Joe told Sylvia that things had gone well and Jeffery was comfortably settled in.  Then from their view on the porch they looked around the farm.  The wood that needed chopped.  The animals that needed tended.  The fences that needed repaired.  The shed that needed holes patched in the roof.  The deck that needed stained.  The yard that would need to be mowed in the summer.  The leaves that would need to be raked in the fall.  The snow that would need to be shoveled in the winter.  The garden that needed tilled in the spring and all the weeding to keep the garden alive.  What would they do now that they didn’t have Jeffery to help them anymore?  Joe and Sylvia could see the apprehension in one another’s eyes, both of them in their mid-seventies, neither having the strength to keep up the farm on their own anymore.  This was a bitter pill to swallow, they both knew that it was impossible to maintain the farm without Jeffery’s help but they needed him to grow up and move on even more.

Discussion Questions:

1.  There are increasingly more and more senior citizens who are unable maintain their previous lifestyle on their own today.  Do you have any seniors in your church or neighbors in your community that may be in similar situations and in need of help? 

2.  What scriptures in the Bible show Christian’s their responsibility to help the elderly in need? 

3.  What steps can we take in order to better fulfill this responsibility?

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