After the long expected completion of the Andreasen Center for Wellness back in the fall of 2019, which provided yet another location for students to feel insecure at, attention began to turn to ideas for what the next big renovation or construction project on campus should be. For many students living in the dorms, the answer seemed clear as day – Meier Hall.
The first question that arises naturally is of course, why Meier Hall? Many would say that Lamson is in much greater need of being replaced. In Lamson, there have been reports of sinks falling off of walls, black mold, sinks bubbling up with orange water, ceilings in bathrooms caving in, among many, many other things. At first glance, this would seem like a strong reason to renovate or replace Lamson before Meier. But one must remember that often the best solution to problems is preemptive measures to prevent the problems from developing in the first place, which is why it is essential that Meier be renovated so as to ensure that the residents of Meier will not have to go through what those of Lamson are currently suffering.
Since this is ultimately about the students on campus, I thought it would be valuable to ask a couple of students who have lived in Meier and Lamson what they thought about the idea of renovating or rebuilding Meier rather than Lamson, so I asked a former Lamson resident and a current Meier resident for their input. The former Lamson resident said “Lamson is, to put it gently, a veritable biohazard. Every day I lived there, I felt endangered in new and exciting ways. From my sink falling off the wall, all the way to the new Covid variants that are probably currently forming in the mold of the community bathrooms, that dormitory is in desperate need of an extreme remodeling that would do well to start by razing the building. All I want is to sit up in bed without hitting my head on the ceiling, to be able to close my window during a blizzard without risking black mold, and to have a sink that stays on the wall most of the time.” So, we can see that this student has only experienced some mild difficulties with her room and her experience in the dorm. But, given these reports, it is clear that by experiencing these difficulties, beyond simply expanding their vocabularies, it is helping these women to build character and providing a source of thrill, excitement, and adventure!
When I asked a current Meier resident about their experience with Meier, and why they thought it should be renovated, they said “The ventilation system connects my room directly to every other room in the hall, meaning I have to wake to the smell of Axe body spray every morning... Though I do suppose that smell is superior to that of my old roommate after going to the gym.” Here, we see that the flawed ventilation system of Meier is actively disturbing the sleep schedules of students by forcing them to attempt to sleep with the smell of Axe body spray, invoking past traumatic memories of high school locker rooms. This disturbance of sleep could potentially be harming students’ abilities in classes, permanently impairing their future professional careers. This is of course besides the lack of sound-proof walls, where while some people will quietly listen to music in their room, some other people (you know who you are) play their music loud enough to be heard across the building. As we see, even the reports of students from both residence halls support the clear need for Meier to be renovated as soon as possible.
Having quality residence halls is important for the mental and physical well being of the students. For those who look at the evidence, especially the residents of these halls, the need is clear. One of these residence halls is in desperate need of repair or replacement, enough so as to potentially pose a risk to the safety and future of its students. That residence hall is Meier. Meier hall residents have, by their own testimony (although they asked their names not be provided so as to protect their social lives with residents of Lamson), said that it is long overdue their hall be brought up to par with humane living standards.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. Happy April Fools!
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of Andrews University. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, Andrews University or the Seventh-day Adventist church.