Walking up to the porch and ringing the doorbell. You are awaiting your date to swing the door open and accept the flowers you have in hand. Oh, the anticipation! Eventually you lead her to your car and drive somewhere nice to eat. You pay for the whole ordeal – everything you have saved up!
This image may be familiar to many, as it is traditionally displayed in movies, books, and perhaps even in real life! The man asking out the woman. The woman happily wined and dined. It has been done time and time again. Will the girls ever get a turn? In honor of KASA’s annual Sadie’s event, in which girls ask out guys, the floor is now open for discussion. It seems like it is time for girls to make the first move and ask out that special someone. This leads us to a heartfelt discussion: How do students feel about the roles being reversed? What are traditional norms that influence our ideas of dating? Let’s see what everyone has to say!
Samuel Rivas (Sophomore, Spanish Translation and Global Studies)
It depends on the history between the two people prior. If you know the person, then you should implement things that they like into the theme of your asking out and to the date if they say yes. It is acceptable [for girls to ask guys out], however most people won't do it. The traditional norms are guy asks girl, chivalry, etc.
David Creitz (Sophomore, Biology and Biochemistry)
Ask them up front if they want to go on a date. It might be a good idea to become friends with them first, though. Girls asking guys out is fine and should be considered normal. Religious traditions (such as anti-premarital sex), current societal standards (such as the pressure to date through online apps), and pop culture (influence from media) can all influence our ideals when it comes to dating. What you listen to most is what you follow most.
Eleanor Joyce (Senior, Music and Education)
There’s not really a right or wrong way, but intentionality is nice. For example, asking in person rather than over the phone, and putting thought into the time and place of both the invitation and the event you’re asking them to go to. I also don’t think that it should be done too publicly or too grand of a gesture. Like, be sincere and intentional, but don’t pressure the other person. I think it’s great that it’s more accepted for girls to ask guys out. As a woman, I don’t see a problem with it, and I have yet to see a guy complain about a girl asking him out. This isn’t necessarily a traditional norm, but there’s the idea floating around that “if he wanted to he would.” I have mixed feelings about that; it seems like an excuse for inaction. If your concern is that asking your crush out will allow them to be lazy and low-effort, then the truth is you can do better! But yeah, even romance aside, life has a lot of missed opportunities if you never put yourself out there because you’re just waiting for someone else to do something.
Robert Zhang (Senior, Psychology)
It seems to me that there is no fixed form. Everyone's method of extending an invitation is different, but what they have in common is a request with some kind of kindness. Perhaps in some conservative cultures, it is seen as an unusual phenomenon for women to initiate invitations, but in the secular world and some cultures, it can be seen as a norm for women to initiate invitations. Having experienced many different cultures, I'm not surprised that this is the case. I think the main factors that influence our dating, in addition to our own cultural practices, also include factors from our parents and family. It is very likely that a person will date according to the pattern of his or her parents.
Rohannah Riley (Sophomore, Elementary Education)
When someone is asking another person out they should be direct and pick an activity that you both will enjoy. They should also be open to the other person's response even if it's not what they want it to be. I think that anyone regardless of gender should be proactive and directly ask for what they want. Guys asking girls out is what is normalized but that doesn't mean that that's how it should always be done.
Paulette Velazquez (Senior, Business management and Spanish translation)
I think that someone should get to know the person well enough before asking them out in order to be more successful. The need to choose the right moment and put some thought and effort into asking someone out to personalize it and make it unique for the person. It’s better if it’s done in a way that the other person would be receptive to and would appreciate. Overall, it’s important to make it fun and authentic and don’t forget to be yourself. Personally, as a girl, I would never ask someone out lol but I think it’s a cool/different idea for those that are down to try new things. Traditional dating norms influence our ideas of dating by prescribing gender roles. In many cases, the way that our families think, how we see things traditionally done, and even the culture we come from play a huge role.
The Sadie Hawkins fad still holds impact today, as more than 200 colleges in the United States participate and egg on young women to chase that special someone! This unique American holiday should encourage young women to take charge and ask the men out on a date! It is important to remember, however, that you don’t need a specific time or day of the year to go ahead and just shoot your shot!
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of Andrews University. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, Andrews University or the Seventh-day Adventist church.