February is widely considered to be the season of love, but that love is not limited to romantic relationships. Here at Andrews, our students are blessed to feel loved by the people around them. I spoke to several Andrews students who were happy to talk about their closest friends and what it takes to be a good one.
Third spaces are a great place to make fresh connections. These are spaces where people in the community can unwind and meet new people. These include libraries, coffee shops, book clubs, volunteer spaces, and of course, churches. Before Andrews, Faith Macaraig (freshman, speech pathology) met the majority of her closest friends in church. “Our parents were also friends, so it was natural for us to become close,” she says. On our campus, third spaces include the library, student center, and the Sabbath worship services: New Life, One Place, and Pioneer Memorial Church. There are also Friday vespers services, Impact and Proximity. When in third spaces, try your best to seem approachable by putting your phone away. Also, try to be a regular at these places, so others become used to seeing you.
Making friends can be difficult enough, but maintaining them is equally challenging. Just like romantic relationships, genuine friendships require time and effort. “I feel like it’s a general rule that the longer you spend time with someone, the closer you get to them,” says Guyen Bean (freshman, theology and chemistry). Meena Pillai (sophomore, architecture) bonds with her friends through sleepovers, night drives and dinner meetups. Faith goes to the gym with her friends or grabs food with them in town or at the cafe. As for her friends from home, Faith makes an effort to call or FaceTime them every few days or weeks. There’s no need for extravagant parties or massive gatherings; just enjoying each other's company will do. FaceTime or texting is all well and good, but speaking face-to-face is superior for mental health. “I really enjoy the little things we do together,” says Megan Kim (junior, biochemistry). “ Just having someone to talk to and laugh with is what I really value. The setting doesn’t matter as much as the company.”
Research has shown that people with strong friendships experience greater happiness and life satisfaction. But just because you have friends doesn’t mean that your life will be a walk in the park. We all experience difficult times, but having people close to you can make the rough days bearable. When Guyen’s friends are struggling, he tries his best to offer comfort, but sometimes, he thinks it’s best to listen. Meena does the same. “Sometimes people don’t want all the answers, especially during hard times. You just need to show up for them and show that you are present.”
No matter how strong your friendships are, they may have challenges. While there is certainly a conversation to be had about toxic friendships, conflicts do not indicate toxicity. Lack of communication is one of the worst things you can have in any relationship. Megan used to avoid confrontation because she feared that it would lead to arguments. But she’s found that open communication results in most conflicts being resolved peacefully. “I normally just talk it out with whoever I have a problem with, and we end up closer in the end.”
Faith finds it unfair to label every odd behavior “toxic”, but she prioritizes respect. She doesn’t appreciate people who make off-putting jokes about the appearances of others or make assumptions about people they haven’t met.
Guyen tries his best to be friends with everyone, but isn’t comfortable with people who curse constantly or make racist comments. He’s also not thrilled with people who mistreat their close friends, because he believes it shows their character. “I believe God when he says in his word, 'out of the mouth proceeds the matters of the heart.”
Being a good friend can be tough, but our students have advice for people who want to improve. Faith says that reaching out to your friends is important for maintaining closeness. “Ask them to join you at a co-curricular or a pop-up. Buy their favorite snack at the Gazebo. Any little effort counts, as long as you keep at it,” Faith says.
Guyen believes that the best way to be a good friend is to have a relationship with Jesus. He says that learning to follow him will help you learn to love others. “Being a better friend starts with knowing that you’re already loved. Knowing that Jesus wants to be your friend is life-changing.”
There are many ways to make friends, but maintaining those relationships is no easy task. However, if you put your best foot forward and make an effort to improve, good friends are sure to find their way to you.
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of Andrews University. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, Andrews University or the Seventh-day Adventist church.